Wanting to get out of town for a bit, I headed up to D.C. yesterday for the evening. That it was Valentine's Day was coincidental, but probably well-timed. Hanging out with "the guys" playing video games and discussing the finer points of Sports Illustrated's Swimsuit Edition seems as good a way as any to celebrate a holiday named for a guy who got decapitated.
After an "eggs-hilirating" meal, Dave and I went to his new favorite dessert place -- CakeLove. It sells cakes whole or by the slice -- a novel concept that had me intrigued.
I have to admit that I had hoped to fall hopelessly in love -- either with a Cake Girl who was working there or with the place itself. No luck on the Cake Girl front, but regarding the place ... well, while Cupid's arrow may not have struck me full on in the buttocks, it certainly grazed me. The cake was quite delicious, even the half I finished a day later. They're very adamant about serving it at room temperature, which is a little bizarre, but hey, I like a place that knows what it wants. And we all have our quirks. CakeLove won't be mad if I check out other dessert places, and even though it's a long distance relationship, I think absence will make the heart -- and sweet tooth -- grow fonder in this case.
It may just be the infatuation talking, but I look forward to seeing where this relationship takes me and my cake.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Monday, February 13, 2006
Howdy, doody
Sorry it's been so long, but my last post was just the beginning of my fun for the week.
The mess did not, in fact, get cleaned up Monday, nor was the clog in the sewer lines found. And while I did not think I could find my bathroom in any worse shape than I had left it, I was very, very wrong. When I got home Monday night, I was greeted by standing water in my bathroom that had come out of the hole in the floor where my toilet had once been, sewage that had seeped onto the hallway carpet outside my bathroom and soggy carpet throughout the hallway and hallway closet and into both bedrooms and the living room area.
Goody.
The next morning, they came and sopped it up and got back to work. I again went to the Y to work out and shower. By the time I came back, they had finally cleared the backup and the guy was working to put my bathroom back together. I went to lunch and a movie ("Match Point" -- it was good, but a little long) and by the time I got back, my bathroom had been fixed and they had cleaned and sanitized the carpets.
So I now had use of running water and a toilet. I spent most of the rest of the day cleaning and sanitizing everything in sight.
Unfortunately, when water floods your carpeting, it's not just the carpet that gets wet. So does the padding beneath the carpet. And when you're talking about sewer water, it smells. Bad.
So on Thursday the carpet guys came and replaced the hallway carpet, where it was stained. In the process, we noticed that the padding underneath the carpet in several other areas was quite wet. But replacing all of that carpet would have required recarpeting pretty much the entire apartment. I talked to the rental agency Friday and they had a guy come out and pull up the carpeting and cut out the wet padding, particularly in the hall closet, where it was soaked. I currently have a fan that's drying out the area underneath the carpeting in the soaked areas. It's been running for three days now. Once the area is dry, they'll replace the padding, I'll get the carpets cleaned again and hopefully the sewer smell will go away.
At any rate, I suspect I may be looking for a house sooner than I thought.
The mess did not, in fact, get cleaned up Monday, nor was the clog in the sewer lines found. And while I did not think I could find my bathroom in any worse shape than I had left it, I was very, very wrong. When I got home Monday night, I was greeted by standing water in my bathroom that had come out of the hole in the floor where my toilet had once been, sewage that had seeped onto the hallway carpet outside my bathroom and soggy carpet throughout the hallway and hallway closet and into both bedrooms and the living room area.
Goody.
The next morning, they came and sopped it up and got back to work. I again went to the Y to work out and shower. By the time I came back, they had finally cleared the backup and the guy was working to put my bathroom back together. I went to lunch and a movie ("Match Point" -- it was good, but a little long) and by the time I got back, my bathroom had been fixed and they had cleaned and sanitized the carpets.
So I now had use of running water and a toilet. I spent most of the rest of the day cleaning and sanitizing everything in sight.
Unfortunately, when water floods your carpeting, it's not just the carpet that gets wet. So does the padding beneath the carpet. And when you're talking about sewer water, it smells. Bad.
So on Thursday the carpet guys came and replaced the hallway carpet, where it was stained. In the process, we noticed that the padding underneath the carpet in several other areas was quite wet. But replacing all of that carpet would have required recarpeting pretty much the entire apartment. I talked to the rental agency Friday and they had a guy come out and pull up the carpeting and cut out the wet padding, particularly in the hall closet, where it was soaked. I currently have a fan that's drying out the area underneath the carpeting in the soaked areas. It's been running for three days now. Once the area is dry, they'll replace the padding, I'll get the carpets cleaned again and hopefully the sewer smell will go away.
At any rate, I suspect I may be looking for a house sooner than I thought.
Monday, February 06, 2006
Well ... crap
I awoke yesterday morning to find my bathtub full of sewage. Though it was not before I flushed the toilet and it, too, backed up. I called the emergency maintenance number for my apartment complex and about an hour later, a guy showed up. Apparently, everyone else on the first floor was having the same problem. He figured they'd have it fixed shortly. So I played some video games and bided my time as I watched them outside using a snake to try to clear out the pipes.
Unfortunately, my bladder was less patient. Eventually, I got my stuff together and headed to the YMCA, where I could exercise a bit, shower before work, and, oh yeah, use the bathroom. I went to work figuring the problem would be solved by the time I got home, though not looking forward to the prospect of having to heavily disinfect my bathroom.
Alas, when I got home about 1 a.m., there was a note stuck to my door -- "Work not completed. We have to dig up line to main sewer. Call this number as soon as you get home."
Well, that didn't sound promising.
I went into my bathroom, and while there was no longer a brew of feces in bathtub, there were holes in the wall, pipes cut out and my toilet had been removed. I didn't call the number, as I figured the guy hadn't planned on me not seeing the note until 1 a.m., and they obviously knew about it, so what were they going to do. I sucked it up and dealt with it.
Luckily, I had gone to the bathroom before leaving work.
I awoke this morning to them knocking on the door. Apparently they had worked 13 hours on it yesterday. He's working on it again now. Although now he's removed the mirror to get to more of the wall. I have no idea what, exactly, they're trying to do, but he's promised it'll get done today and he'll clean up the mess.
As for me, I'm off to the Y.
Unfortunately, my bladder was less patient. Eventually, I got my stuff together and headed to the YMCA, where I could exercise a bit, shower before work, and, oh yeah, use the bathroom. I went to work figuring the problem would be solved by the time I got home, though not looking forward to the prospect of having to heavily disinfect my bathroom.
Alas, when I got home about 1 a.m., there was a note stuck to my door -- "Work not completed. We have to dig up line to main sewer. Call this number as soon as you get home."
Well, that didn't sound promising.
I went into my bathroom, and while there was no longer a brew of feces in bathtub, there were holes in the wall, pipes cut out and my toilet had been removed. I didn't call the number, as I figured the guy hadn't planned on me not seeing the note until 1 a.m., and they obviously knew about it, so what were they going to do. I sucked it up and dealt with it.
Luckily, I had gone to the bathroom before leaving work.
I awoke this morning to them knocking on the door. Apparently they had worked 13 hours on it yesterday. He's working on it again now. Although now he's removed the mirror to get to more of the wall. I have no idea what, exactly, they're trying to do, but he's promised it'll get done today and he'll clean up the mess.
As for me, I'm off to the Y.
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Ain't that cute?
I have a sneaking suspicion most of you aren't going to get past this first link, but one of the Web sites up for a Bloggie is Cute Overload -- a site dedicated to nauseatingly cute pictures of bunnies, puppies, kittens, etc. No doubt some of you are about to spend hours there.
Another site that you can easily lose yourself in, as Clare has pointed out, is Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About. I haven't finished reading all of it, but it's pretty hilarious. (Scroll over the girlfriend's picture for a little treat.)
In culinary news, I made sausage calzones tonight. They were pretty tasty, although a little large. Like, the half the size of my head large. For dessert? Root beer float. Mmm...
And in the wider world, there's been a lot going on:
Saddam Hussein was ejected from court Sunday amid growing chaos in the trial. Saddam and attorneys stormed out and are boycotting the hearings, presumably so they can find the bicycling bear that will complete this three-ring circus.
Oprah had James Frey, author of "memoir" "A Million Little Pieces," on her show to give the world an example of what happens when you piss off Oprah. The best part? At the end of the show, every member of the audience got to take home one of the million little pieces of Frey's dignity that was left.
Sammy "The Gavel" Alito was confirmed to the Supreme Court. As Stephen Colbert said, "All you need to know: Stock up on Trojans."
Coretta Scott King, widow of the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., died Tuesday.
Fed chairman Alan Greenspan stepped down Tuesday after 19 years on the job. Ben Bernanke will take his place, and man, you don't want to know what kind of hazing those economists are gonna put him through. Wild stuff, I tell ya ...
A tourist at a museum in England tripped on his shoelace, fell down the stairs and crashed into some very rare vases, shattering them into a million little pieces. No doubt the story is already being made into a book, though in the retelling the tourist will be drunk and high on cocaine and the vases will actually be small children.
George Bush gave his State of the Union address on Tuesday night. He focused on supporting the war (all of them) and trying to make the U.S. less dependent on oil. At hearing this, all the politicians who stood to applaud? Monkeys flew out of their butts.
It was the darndest thing.
Another site that you can easily lose yourself in, as Clare has pointed out, is Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About. I haven't finished reading all of it, but it's pretty hilarious. (Scroll over the girlfriend's picture for a little treat.)
In culinary news, I made sausage calzones tonight. They were pretty tasty, although a little large. Like, the half the size of my head large. For dessert? Root beer float. Mmm...
And in the wider world, there's been a lot going on:
Saddam Hussein was ejected from court Sunday amid growing chaos in the trial. Saddam and attorneys stormed out and are boycotting the hearings, presumably so they can find the bicycling bear that will complete this three-ring circus.
Oprah had James Frey, author of "memoir" "A Million Little Pieces," on her show to give the world an example of what happens when you piss off Oprah. The best part? At the end of the show, every member of the audience got to take home one of the million little pieces of Frey's dignity that was left.
Sammy "The Gavel" Alito was confirmed to the Supreme Court. As Stephen Colbert said, "All you need to know: Stock up on Trojans."
Coretta Scott King, widow of the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., died Tuesday.
Fed chairman Alan Greenspan stepped down Tuesday after 19 years on the job. Ben Bernanke will take his place, and man, you don't want to know what kind of hazing those economists are gonna put him through. Wild stuff, I tell ya ...
A tourist at a museum in England tripped on his shoelace, fell down the stairs and crashed into some very rare vases, shattering them into a million little pieces. No doubt the story is already being made into a book, though in the retelling the tourist will be drunk and high on cocaine and the vases will actually be small children.
George Bush gave his State of the Union address on Tuesday night. He focused on supporting the war (all of them) and trying to make the U.S. less dependent on oil. At hearing this, all the politicians who stood to applaud? Monkeys flew out of their butts.
It was the darndest thing.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Tiptoeing into the 21st century
I'm no Luddite, but I'm not exactly an early adapter of most technology either. I didn't get a digital camera or cell phone until a year ago, and I still sometimes forget to take the cell phone with me when I leave the apartment. I also firmly believe that just because I usually have it with me doesn't mean I always have to answer it, so clearly I don't really understand the whole concept of a cell phone. But now I'm making further technological process: I've now joined the ranks of iPod owners and iTunes downloaders. I just got a regular, old iPod, no video iPod or Nano. (The people at Best Buy even gave me a discount because it was their last one and they wanted to get rid of it.) I really just want it for long car trips (my car has just a tape deck, not a CD player) and this is just easier than the Discman I usually take with me. I'll probably also use it when I work out. I've been downloading some stuff, but mostly I'm in the midst of the tedious task of downloading all my CDs to my computer so I can transfer the files. Then there's creating playlists and all that. But I'm sure it'll be worth all the work and be a lot more convenient.
So since I'll be using the iPod when I work out, I'm taking suggestions on good workout songs. What gets you moving?
Speaking of which, let's see what's rocking our world lately, shall we?
Hamas appears to have won a majority of seats in the Palestinian parliament. This poses a bit of a problem for the U.S., which has labeled Hamas a terrorist organization. Thank goodness no one in that region holds grudges...
Pope Benedict XVI released his first encyclical and used it to discuss the importance of love. He even talked about sex and the need to enhance physical love with a love of God and one's neighbor. But before you go getting all excited about the neighbor lovin', just remember there's that commandment about not coveting your neighbor's ass. Sorry.
So since I'll be using the iPod when I work out, I'm taking suggestions on good workout songs. What gets you moving?
Speaking of which, let's see what's rocking our world lately, shall we?
Hamas appears to have won a majority of seats in the Palestinian parliament. This poses a bit of a problem for the U.S., which has labeled Hamas a terrorist organization. Thank goodness no one in that region holds grudges...
Pope Benedict XVI released his first encyclical and used it to discuss the importance of love. He even talked about sex and the need to enhance physical love with a love of God and one's neighbor. But before you go getting all excited about the neighbor lovin', just remember there's that commandment about not coveting your neighbor's ass. Sorry.
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Spring cooking
I sort of went through the equivalent of spring cleaning in my kitchen tonight, taking random leftover ingredients I had and seeing what I could make of them. I had some hamburger buns left over from last week, so I looked up a recipe and decided to make scallop burgers. Seemed like a good idea at the time -- you grind up the scallops and add seasonings, chives, a shallot, parsley, orange zest and extra-virgin olive oil. Turn the mixture into patties and cook them up. The process of making the food went pretty smoothly, and I even barely remembered to take the blade out of the food chopper before sticking my hand in there to scoop out the ground scallops.
But upon taking my first bite of this masterpiece, I realized that what I had feared in the back of my mind was true -- by adding all these things that I'm not all that fond of, such as shallots and chives, I had screwed up the tastiness of the scallops. It was crunchy, which I'm not a big fan of, and it just didn't taste right. I also couldn't shake the worry over whether I had cooked the scallop burgers well enough. They looked like I had, but it was hard to tell. And while I think it would be sort of funny if my own cooking killed me one day, I didn't really want that day to be today.
It was about that time that I noticed a spot of mold on the bottom of the bun. (Hello! Only a week old!) And that pretty much cinched it -- the meal was a lost cause. I was going to fix something else, but got so wrapped up in the cleanup and making of the corn muffins, that it now occurs to me that my dinner was three corn muffins and an orange.
I also had some left over marshmallows and chocolate chips, so I decided to try to melt the chocolate chips into a sort of chocolate dipping sauce and make chocolate covered marshmallows. But it ended up being more of a not-tasty clump of chocolate-marshmallow goo.
But hey, at least it's a few less random items around the kitchen.
And with that, let's see what's cooking in the wider world, shall we?
A European investigator says the U.S. outsourced torture to Europe with the governments likely knowing what was going on. You know, the economy would be a lot better if we'd stop outsourcing jobs like that. Sure, people might torture for less money in other parts of the world, but it's a matter of principle. Remember, if you're going to have someone tortured -- make sure you look for the label: "Maimed in the USA."
Sammy "The Gavel" Alito was approved by a Senate committee after offering the legislators an offer they couldn't refuse.
Google has agreed to censor its search results in China for purely business reasons. You can find more by doing a Google search for "sellout."
Monkey update: Someone in South Korea has taught a monkey how to ice skate. Which is totally ridiculous, but totally awesome. (There are pictures with the link, so you can see the awesomeness for yourself.)
But upon taking my first bite of this masterpiece, I realized that what I had feared in the back of my mind was true -- by adding all these things that I'm not all that fond of, such as shallots and chives, I had screwed up the tastiness of the scallops. It was crunchy, which I'm not a big fan of, and it just didn't taste right. I also couldn't shake the worry over whether I had cooked the scallop burgers well enough. They looked like I had, but it was hard to tell. And while I think it would be sort of funny if my own cooking killed me one day, I didn't really want that day to be today.
It was about that time that I noticed a spot of mold on the bottom of the bun. (Hello! Only a week old!) And that pretty much cinched it -- the meal was a lost cause. I was going to fix something else, but got so wrapped up in the cleanup and making of the corn muffins, that it now occurs to me that my dinner was three corn muffins and an orange.
I also had some left over marshmallows and chocolate chips, so I decided to try to melt the chocolate chips into a sort of chocolate dipping sauce and make chocolate covered marshmallows. But it ended up being more of a not-tasty clump of chocolate-marshmallow goo.
But hey, at least it's a few less random items around the kitchen.
And with that, let's see what's cooking in the wider world, shall we?
A European investigator says the U.S. outsourced torture to Europe with the governments likely knowing what was going on. You know, the economy would be a lot better if we'd stop outsourcing jobs like that. Sure, people might torture for less money in other parts of the world, but it's a matter of principle. Remember, if you're going to have someone tortured -- make sure you look for the label: "Maimed in the USA."
Sammy "The Gavel" Alito was approved by a Senate committee after offering the legislators an offer they couldn't refuse.
Google has agreed to censor its search results in China for purely business reasons. You can find more by doing a Google search for "sellout."
Monkey update: Someone in South Korea has taught a monkey how to ice skate. Which is totally ridiculous, but totally awesome. (There are pictures with the link, so you can see the awesomeness for yourself.)
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Awwww....
I don't know if anyone else out there watches "How I Met Your Mother" (if not, you should be), but I really liked tonight's episode. I also think I'm in love with the cake girl now...
Ahem. Anyhow...
What have you missed while I wasn't doing news updates like I said I would? Well, I'm not recapping all of that. But I'll tell you what happened Monday.
Ford announced plans to close 14 plants in North America and cut 30,000 jobs, which is obviously really crappy news for a lot of people and a lot of towns. Sorry to start on a downer. But all you people not buying big, honkin' SUVs anymore -- you know who you are -- why do you hate the auto workers? Did they ever do anything to you? I didn't think so.
The Russians have accused the British of spying on them and using fake rocks to do so, using the hollowed-out objects as high-tech dead drops. You know what? If a country's espionage agencies are fooled by the same thing that half of us hide our keys in, I really don't think you need to worry about spying on them.
A new judge has taken over the trial of Saddam Hussein. The last judge resigned amid concerns that he couldn't control the hearings or Saddam's outbursts. Which explains why they replaced him with Simon Cowell. You know he ain't gonna take any crap.
An advisory panel recommended that the FDA approve a weight-loss drug for over-the-counter sales. Now you can lose 5-6 pounds over six months and the only side effects you'll have to put up with are diarrhea and oily stools. Or you can just read about the side effects and that'll pretty well curb your appetite.
Amy Fisher and Joey and Mary Jo Buttafuoco are going to have a reunion that will be televised, though oddly enough, not on "Jerry Springer." Fisher, you may recall, was the "Long Island Lolita" with whom Joey Buttafuoco had sex when she was 16. Then she went and shot Joey's wife in the head. And now they're all going to sit down for a chat on national TV. What could go wrong?
Ahem. Anyhow...
What have you missed while I wasn't doing news updates like I said I would? Well, I'm not recapping all of that. But I'll tell you what happened Monday.
Ford announced plans to close 14 plants in North America and cut 30,000 jobs, which is obviously really crappy news for a lot of people and a lot of towns. Sorry to start on a downer. But all you people not buying big, honkin' SUVs anymore -- you know who you are -- why do you hate the auto workers? Did they ever do anything to you? I didn't think so.
The Russians have accused the British of spying on them and using fake rocks to do so, using the hollowed-out objects as high-tech dead drops. You know what? If a country's espionage agencies are fooled by the same thing that half of us hide our keys in, I really don't think you need to worry about spying on them.
A new judge has taken over the trial of Saddam Hussein. The last judge resigned amid concerns that he couldn't control the hearings or Saddam's outbursts. Which explains why they replaced him with Simon Cowell. You know he ain't gonna take any crap.
An advisory panel recommended that the FDA approve a weight-loss drug for over-the-counter sales. Now you can lose 5-6 pounds over six months and the only side effects you'll have to put up with are diarrhea and oily stools. Or you can just read about the side effects and that'll pretty well curb your appetite.
Amy Fisher and Joey and Mary Jo Buttafuoco are going to have a reunion that will be televised, though oddly enough, not on "Jerry Springer." Fisher, you may recall, was the "Long Island Lolita" with whom Joey Buttafuoco had sex when she was 16. Then she went and shot Joey's wife in the head. And now they're all going to sit down for a chat on national TV. What could go wrong?
Monday, January 23, 2006
Looks like everyone's got a case of the Mondays
I feel bad mentioning this because I have two good friends with birthdays today (happy birthday, J and J!), but according to science, today is the gloomiest day of 2006. This is according to a scientist who came up with an equation that measures the year's emotional low point.
But cheer up: Hanging out with other people can boost your spirits, as can getting out and doing something active.
And if nothing else, just remember: Tomorrow will be a better day. After all, science says it can't be any worse.
But cheer up: Hanging out with other people can boost your spirits, as can getting out and doing something active.
And if nothing else, just remember: Tomorrow will be a better day. After all, science says it can't be any worse.
Friday, January 20, 2006
Glorious road
I saw "Glory Road" last week, but am just now getting around to writing about it. Maybe it's just me, or maybe it's a guy thing, but I think it's hard to go wrong with a sports movie -- especially one based on an actual underdog story. "Glory Road" doesn't do anything particularly great or novel -- it's your standard sports story where team/person doesn't have a shot at winning but through perseverance and hard work overcomes a number of obstacles to win the big game/championship and everyone learns a little something and becomes a better person in the process.
But you know what? When Texas Western won the big game at the end, it still totally rocked. (Sorry to ruin the end if you're not familiar with how sports movies work and with the actual story of one of the most important basketball games in NCAA history.)
I'm just saying ... sports movies are a good time.
And in case you were interested, the main meal this week at Chez Briguy: pulled pork with root beer sauce. A little odd? Perhaps. Tasty? Most definitely.
But you know what? When Texas Western won the big game at the end, it still totally rocked. (Sorry to ruin the end if you're not familiar with how sports movies work and with the actual story of one of the most important basketball games in NCAA history.)
I'm just saying ... sports movies are a good time.
And in case you were interested, the main meal this week at Chez Briguy: pulled pork with root beer sauce. A little odd? Perhaps. Tasty? Most definitely.
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Attn: Rachel McAdams
Dear Ms. McAdams,
Congratulations! This letter is to notify you that you are now my No. 1 celebrity crush. Much consideration went into this choice, and you should be very proud.
As you may know, the two top spots of this list were held for many years by Natalie Portman and Jennifer Garner. But no more. You have topped them both. The past year's movies have shown your range as an actress (not to mention that you are much more attractive as a brunette than a blond) -- you were charming in "Wedding Crashers," compelling in "Red Eye," and funny and moving in "The Family Stone." My friend Dave says you play Ultimate. I don't know how he knows that (sorry if he's stalking you), but if it's true, I think that's really cool. I've played some Ultimate in my time and I like doing active things, too. You also seem really nice and down to Earth, and I'm a big proponent of that.
I'd tell you about my better qualities in order to impress you, but we both know that you can't really trust the Internet, so there'd be no reason to believe me anyhow. But I'd like to think that if ever our paths would cross, we'd get along really well. (Although you should know that profile picture isn't what I normally look like. Unless you're into that sort of thing.)
I'll also tell you that my friend Southern Belle wants us to hook up so then the two of you can be best friends. She's really nice, although I apologize if she, too, has been stalking you in any way.
Anyhow, I don't follow celebrity gossip too closely, but I hear that you're dating Ryan Gosling. I'm assuming he's a good guy or else you wouldn't be dating him. So just pass along this message from me to him:
Ryan, you better be good to her. Because if you screw up (or screw around), I'll be waiting to step in. Oh yes, I'll be waiting...
Anyhow, congratulations once again, Ms. McAdams. May you continue to star in movies I enjoy and have much success in your professional life and much joy in your personal life. Enjoy this honor; you deserve it.
Sincerely,
Briguy
Congratulations! This letter is to notify you that you are now my No. 1 celebrity crush. Much consideration went into this choice, and you should be very proud.
As you may know, the two top spots of this list were held for many years by Natalie Portman and Jennifer Garner. But no more. You have topped them both. The past year's movies have shown your range as an actress (not to mention that you are much more attractive as a brunette than a blond) -- you were charming in "Wedding Crashers," compelling in "Red Eye," and funny and moving in "The Family Stone." My friend Dave says you play Ultimate. I don't know how he knows that (sorry if he's stalking you), but if it's true, I think that's really cool. I've played some Ultimate in my time and I like doing active things, too. You also seem really nice and down to Earth, and I'm a big proponent of that.
I'd tell you about my better qualities in order to impress you, but we both know that you can't really trust the Internet, so there'd be no reason to believe me anyhow. But I'd like to think that if ever our paths would cross, we'd get along really well. (Although you should know that profile picture isn't what I normally look like. Unless you're into that sort of thing.)
I'll also tell you that my friend Southern Belle wants us to hook up so then the two of you can be best friends. She's really nice, although I apologize if she, too, has been stalking you in any way.
Anyhow, I don't follow celebrity gossip too closely, but I hear that you're dating Ryan Gosling. I'm assuming he's a good guy or else you wouldn't be dating him. So just pass along this message from me to him:
Ryan, you better be good to her. Because if you screw up (or screw around), I'll be waiting to step in. Oh yes, I'll be waiting...
Anyhow, congratulations once again, Ms. McAdams. May you continue to star in movies I enjoy and have much success in your professional life and much joy in your personal life. Enjoy this honor; you deserve it.
Sincerely,
Briguy
Monday, January 16, 2006
Maybe I lied...
OK, so I don't really have the time to do nightly news updates. After all, there's a lot of taped TV to catch up on when I get home from work after midnight...
Anyhow, this is what you've been missing the past several days:
The Seattle Seahawks defeated the Washington Redskins and the Denver Broncos (woohoo!) beat the New England Patriots on Saturday, while the Pittsburgh Steelers upset the Indianapolis Colts and the Carolina Panthers beat the Chicago Bears on Sunday. Next week's conference championships will determine who goes to Super Bowl Extra Large (XL). My prediction: Broncos vs. Seahawks, with the Broncos winning, of course.
The U.S. bombed a dinner party in Pakistan, thinking that top al-Qaida official Ayman al-Zawahari would be in attendance. He wasn't, but it's reported that the bombing did kill a number of innocent people, which has sparked numerous protests in Pakistan. And that's why you always check the RSVP list first.
NASA's Stardust probe returned to Earth on Sunday carrying cosmic dust and, if science-fiction books are to be believed, probably a deadly pathogen that will kill us all. So thanks for that, science.
Researchers have found a gene that leads to a significantly higher risk of Type 2 diabetes. So try to not be born with that.
Iran's president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, has called for a conference to examine evidence for the Holocaust, which he has called a "myth".
We are sooo invading them next.
If you're going to rob a restaurant, here's a tip: Don't pick a restaurant right next to a biker bar.
Anyhow, this is what you've been missing the past several days:
The Seattle Seahawks defeated the Washington Redskins and the Denver Broncos (woohoo!) beat the New England Patriots on Saturday, while the Pittsburgh Steelers upset the Indianapolis Colts and the Carolina Panthers beat the Chicago Bears on Sunday. Next week's conference championships will determine who goes to Super Bowl Extra Large (XL). My prediction: Broncos vs. Seahawks, with the Broncos winning, of course.
The U.S. bombed a dinner party in Pakistan, thinking that top al-Qaida official Ayman al-Zawahari would be in attendance. He wasn't, but it's reported that the bombing did kill a number of innocent people, which has sparked numerous protests in Pakistan. And that's why you always check the RSVP list first.
NASA's Stardust probe returned to Earth on Sunday carrying cosmic dust and, if science-fiction books are to be believed, probably a deadly pathogen that will kill us all. So thanks for that, science.
Researchers have found a gene that leads to a significantly higher risk of Type 2 diabetes. So try to not be born with that.
Iran's president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, has called for a conference to examine evidence for the Holocaust, which he has called a "myth".
We are sooo invading them next.
If you're going to rob a restaurant, here's a tip: Don't pick a restaurant right next to a biker bar.
Friday, January 13, 2006
Christmas came late for everyone on Brian's card list
Well, I've finally mailed all my Christmas cards. And while I took heart in that it was not mid-February like last year when I sent most of them and that Meckhead said I had until Jan. 8 to wish people a Merry Christmas, no one would have actually gotten their cards by Jan. 8 -- I just mailed (most of) them by then. But maybe that counts, right?
Anyhow, on to the news (which, umm, may not be quite daily)...
Pat Robertson has apologized in a letter to Ariel Sharon's family after implying last week that Sharon's stroke was punishment from God for transferring land to the Palestinians. This followed Israel kicking him off the group of people putting together a Christian park in Galilee (the Noah's Ark flume ride will blow your mind!). No word on if God made him apologize or if Robertson just actually had a lucid moment.
As if having Jesse "The Mind" Ventura be governor of Minnesota wasn't surreal enough, residents now have the chance to vote into office a vampire. Yes, a vampire. Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey is a big supporter of education, helping farmers and -- this is true -- impaling criminals outside the State Capitol. Sharkey is also a worshipper of Lucifer. I'll let you make your own politician joke here.
A 7-year-old Tennessee boy who wanted to get his driver's license took his parents' pickup and ended up in a police chase, thus ensuring that he will never get his driver's license.
Scientists in Taiwan have made fluorescent green pigs. I have no idea why, and we've really got to stop letting scientists read Dr. Seuss before we end up with star-belly sneeches and swomee-swans.
DNA tests prove that a man who was executed in 1992 in Virginia did indeed kill his sister-in-law. Officials vowed that, in the future, they'll check out that sort of thing sooner.
You would think that after 1,426 people died in a stampede during the 1990 hajj in Mecca, they would have figured out a way to keep that from happening again. Or after people died in stampedes in 1994, 1998, 2001 and 2004. But apparently not, as at least 345 people died during this year's Muslim pilgrimage. Miraculously, though, Pat Robertson has so far managed to not blame the victims.
Researchers predict the U.S. population will hit 300 million in October, meaning if you get busy now, you could be the lucky parent of the 300 millionth baby! Which is totally gonna be my new pickup line...
Anyhow, on to the news (which, umm, may not be quite daily)...
Pat Robertson has apologized in a letter to Ariel Sharon's family after implying last week that Sharon's stroke was punishment from God for transferring land to the Palestinians. This followed Israel kicking him off the group of people putting together a Christian park in Galilee (the Noah's Ark flume ride will blow your mind!). No word on if God made him apologize or if Robertson just actually had a lucid moment.
As if having Jesse "The Mind" Ventura be governor of Minnesota wasn't surreal enough, residents now have the chance to vote into office a vampire. Yes, a vampire. Jonathon "The Impaler" Sharkey is a big supporter of education, helping farmers and -- this is true -- impaling criminals outside the State Capitol. Sharkey is also a worshipper of Lucifer. I'll let you make your own politician joke here.
A 7-year-old Tennessee boy who wanted to get his driver's license took his parents' pickup and ended up in a police chase, thus ensuring that he will never get his driver's license.
Scientists in Taiwan have made fluorescent green pigs. I have no idea why, and we've really got to stop letting scientists read Dr. Seuss before we end up with star-belly sneeches and swomee-swans.
DNA tests prove that a man who was executed in 1992 in Virginia did indeed kill his sister-in-law. Officials vowed that, in the future, they'll check out that sort of thing sooner.
You would think that after 1,426 people died in a stampede during the 1990 hajj in Mecca, they would have figured out a way to keep that from happening again. Or after people died in stampedes in 1994, 1998, 2001 and 2004. But apparently not, as at least 345 people died during this year's Muslim pilgrimage. Miraculously, though, Pat Robertson has so far managed to not blame the victims.
Researchers predict the U.S. population will hit 300 million in October, meaning if you get busy now, you could be the lucky parent of the 300 millionth baby! Which is totally gonna be my new pickup line...
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
From the makers of Shards O'Glass freeze pops...
So speaking of strange weapons to keep around the house yesterday, I ran across this Web site today that, for real, sells something called The Cub Blowgun. It's a blowgun -- for CHILDREN! Now, the number of things that strike me as absolutely insane about this are so numerous as to make my head spin, but I'll mention a few:
A) IT'S DESIGNED FOR CHILDREN! We really want to give 4-year-olds the ability to take us out with stun darts shot from a blowgun?!?! Like brats with slingshots weren't enough? Why don't we just design child-sized bazookas while we're at it.
B) It's being sold on a Web site that sells self-defense products. Who on Earth thinks a blowgun is a good weapon for self-defense?!? Is your would-be mugger really like to flee when you whip out your blowgun?*
C) Why can't you ship this blowgun to California or Massachusetts? Are those bastions of liberalism against the right to bear blowguns? Those Commies -- no wonder crime is so high in those places. (I'm guessing.)
*not a euphemism
What's brewing around the world:
Iran cleared the way for its uranium enrichment program, drawing the ire of the U.S. and other countries. Now, I don't want to say that we're for sure going to be attacking them next, but let's face it, we're already in the neighborhood. And people want us to pull our troops out of Iraq. What better to way to do that than to pull them out of Iraq and into Iran?
A 10-hour standoff ended without any hostages being hurt when one of two bank robbery suspects was killed and the other was arrested. Officials say the key to taking down the hostage-takers was that one of the people in the bank had a blowgun.
After getting into a wreck this weekend in his motorcycle, it was discovered that California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger was riding illegally and had not bothered to get a motorcycle license. Schwarzenegger has promised that next time he travels back in time, besides saving John Connor, he will remedy the motorcycle license problem as well.
A 41-year-old British woman has married a dolphin. Yes, married a dolphin. She cites love as the reason for their nuptials, but everyone is pretty sure he's just in it for the fish.
A) IT'S DESIGNED FOR CHILDREN! We really want to give 4-year-olds the ability to take us out with stun darts shot from a blowgun?!?! Like brats with slingshots weren't enough? Why don't we just design child-sized bazookas while we're at it.
B) It's being sold on a Web site that sells self-defense products. Who on Earth thinks a blowgun is a good weapon for self-defense?!? Is your would-be mugger really like to flee when you whip out your blowgun?*
C) Why can't you ship this blowgun to California or Massachusetts? Are those bastions of liberalism against the right to bear blowguns? Those Commies -- no wonder crime is so high in those places. (I'm guessing.)
*not a euphemism
What's brewing around the world:
Iran cleared the way for its uranium enrichment program, drawing the ire of the U.S. and other countries. Now, I don't want to say that we're for sure going to be attacking them next, but let's face it, we're already in the neighborhood. And people want us to pull our troops out of Iraq. What better to way to do that than to pull them out of Iraq and into Iran?
A 10-hour standoff ended without any hostages being hurt when one of two bank robbery suspects was killed and the other was arrested. Officials say the key to taking down the hostage-takers was that one of the people in the bank had a blowgun.
After getting into a wreck this weekend in his motorcycle, it was discovered that California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger was riding illegally and had not bothered to get a motorcycle license. Schwarzenegger has promised that next time he travels back in time, besides saving John Connor, he will remedy the motorcycle license problem as well.
A 41-year-old British woman has married a dolphin. Yes, married a dolphin. She cites love as the reason for their nuptials, but everyone is pretty sure he's just in it for the fish.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Maybe they should have collected coins
This weekend saw a rash of deaths by weird objects. A Wisconsin woman was killed by a sword, and a Virginia woman was killed by a crossbow. Both were weapons that they kept around the house. Which seems like a good reason not to keep such things lying about the house.
What's brewing in the world:
Confirmation hearings began for Sammy "The Gavel" Alito, the nominee for the Supreme Court. Sit back, grab some peanuts and popcorn, and watch the grandstanding and fireworks begin!
The Dow hit above 11,000 today for the first time since before Sept. 11. Woohoo! I'm excited! I don't know why, but I am!
Hilary Swank and Chad Lowe separated, which seemed sad to several of my co-workers, although I spent most of my time trying to figure who Chad Lowe was.
Vice President Dick Cheney went to the hospital briefly, but he was back to work by the afternoon after they replaced the plutonium core that powers him.
What's brewing in the world:
Confirmation hearings began for Sammy "The Gavel" Alito, the nominee for the Supreme Court. Sit back, grab some peanuts and popcorn, and watch the grandstanding and fireworks begin!
The Dow hit above 11,000 today for the first time since before Sept. 11. Woohoo! I'm excited! I don't know why, but I am!
Hilary Swank and Chad Lowe separated, which seemed sad to several of my co-workers, although I spent most of my time trying to figure who Chad Lowe was.
Vice President Dick Cheney went to the hospital briefly, but he was back to work by the afternoon after they replaced the plutonium core that powers him.
Sunday, January 08, 2006
What's brewing in the world
I'm going to give this a try and we'll see how it goes: The weekly news in a nutshell will become a daily feature, usually written late at night so that you all can read them in the morning if you choose. Yes, that's right, DAILY updates. I can feel the excitement. They might be separate posts, they might be tacked on to the end of my other posts. Who knows? We're headed into a wacky, unknown world.
Anyhow, enough talk, let's get on with it...
It seems a group of chickens have invaded a Florida neighborhood. I think it's clear from the article that the mayor of the town has unleashed the fowl creatures on the neighborhood for voting against annexation. But what to do? Residents, unable to get help anywhere else, plan to call in a man they call simply "The Colonel."
In other news:
A Blackhawk helicopter crashed in Iraq, killing all 12 on board.
Carolina played David to the Giants, beating them 23-0 in the NFL playoffs Sunday. The Pittsburgh Steelers beat the Cincinnati Bengals 31-17 as well.
(That's all I got. Gimme a break; it's Sunday.)
Anyhow, enough talk, let's get on with it...
It seems a group of chickens have invaded a Florida neighborhood. I think it's clear from the article that the mayor of the town has unleashed the fowl creatures on the neighborhood for voting against annexation. But what to do? Residents, unable to get help anywhere else, plan to call in a man they call simply "The Colonel."
In other news:
A Blackhawk helicopter crashed in Iraq, killing all 12 on board.
Carolina played David to the Giants, beating them 23-0 in the NFL playoffs Sunday. The Pittsburgh Steelers beat the Cincinnati Bengals 31-17 as well.
(That's all I got. Gimme a break; it's Sunday.)
That's what I like
For any of you comic book or superhero fans out there, I highly recommend checking out DC Comics' "Identity Crisis." (Not to be confused with "Infinite Crisis," which I have not read.) You may not be able to find all the separate issues out there, but they've got a book out that has all the issues in it -- there's even an intro by Joss Whedon and some commentary at the end by those involved in putting it together. It examines the Justice League and some pretty dark issues, but the story telling is absolutely masterful. I stayed up until 6 a.m. this morning reading it (in about 3 1/2 hours). It's a must-read if you're a fan of the genre.
I also have to admit that I was wrong about the American version of "The Office." I had written that I didn't think it had any staying power and couldn't compare to the BBC version. But having gone back to re-examine it and seeing last week's episode, I think it stands on its own pretty well. It's funny and absurd, but it can also be touching and a little sad. "The Office," you have won me over. I offer my humble apologies for doubting you for so long.
I still don't get why so many people like "My Name is Earl" though.
I also have to admit that I was wrong about the American version of "The Office." I had written that I didn't think it had any staying power and couldn't compare to the BBC version. But having gone back to re-examine it and seeing last week's episode, I think it stands on its own pretty well. It's funny and absurd, but it can also be touching and a little sad. "The Office," you have won me over. I offer my humble apologies for doubting you for so long.
I still don't get why so many people like "My Name is Earl" though.
Friday, January 06, 2006
Oh, wacky Internet
I was reading a Wikipedia article on how to catch a snake, just out of curiosity, and it became clear why it's not always a good idea to let everyone edit articles. The whole thing is very serious until you hit this graph (edited slightly for readability):
Some venomous snakes, like the deadly Coral Snake, have harmless look-alikes, like the King Snake. Luckily for all involved, Coral Snakes and King Snakes inhabit radically different environments so individuals of both species are rarely if ever found together in the same place. But if you should ever find yourself in a room filled with an admixture of both King and Coral snakes commanded to eliminate you at all costs, when trying to tell the two apart, remember this phrase: Red on yellow, kill a fellow; red on black, venom lack. What this means is that the Coral Snake has red bands directly next to yellow bands. The King Snake has red bands directly next to black bands, and a tiny snake crown and snake scepter, which it continuously drops, lacking hands. This brings us to another method for distinguishing a Coral from a King Snake: King Snakes will often politely ask you to replace their tiny, snake crowns. Coral Snakes on the other hand abhor the trappings of the pomp ones. This goes a long way toward explaining the main reasons that Coral Snakes are found in mountainous areas: their hatred of rank and general misanthropy.
A couple graphs later it also goes into great detail about how to avoid getting bit in the crotch, which is certainly important, but probably not part of the original article.
I can't wait until some kid puts in his school report that one of the ways to distinguish king and coral snakes is to look for the snake crown and scepter, though.
Some venomous snakes, like the deadly Coral Snake, have harmless look-alikes, like the King Snake. Luckily for all involved, Coral Snakes and King Snakes inhabit radically different environments so individuals of both species are rarely if ever found together in the same place. But if you should ever find yourself in a room filled with an admixture of both King and Coral snakes commanded to eliminate you at all costs, when trying to tell the two apart, remember this phrase: Red on yellow, kill a fellow; red on black, venom lack. What this means is that the Coral Snake has red bands directly next to yellow bands. The King Snake has red bands directly next to black bands, and a tiny snake crown and snake scepter, which it continuously drops, lacking hands. This brings us to another method for distinguishing a Coral from a King Snake: King Snakes will often politely ask you to replace their tiny, snake crowns. Coral Snakes on the other hand abhor the trappings of the pomp ones. This goes a long way toward explaining the main reasons that Coral Snakes are found in mountainous areas: their hatred of rank and general misanthropy.
A couple graphs later it also goes into great detail about how to avoid getting bit in the crotch, which is certainly important, but probably not part of the original article.
I can't wait until some kid puts in his school report that one of the ways to distinguish king and coral snakes is to look for the snake crown and scepter, though.
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Meat and phish
On last night's Chez Briguy menu: bacon-wrapped beef tenderloin and super-stuffed potatoes with smoked Gouda and caramelized mushrooms and onions (courtesy of a Rachel Ray cookbook).
Now, before you get all impressed, you should know I don't like any of that stuff that's mentioned with the super-stuffed potato, so I made it bacon-wrapped beef tenderloin and baked potatoes (with a side of corn). And then I couldn't find beef tenderloin steaks at the grocery store, so I picked beef filet mignon. I have no idea if they're similar, but I figured it might be. (For someone who is such a fan of meat, my knowledge of it is surprisingly minimal.) So it ended up being bacon-wrapped filet mignon and baked potato and corn. A little simpler perhaps, but still tasty.
On an unrelated public service announcement, we're getting into tax season soon, so beware if you get an e-mail letting you know about a Web form that will let you track your IRS refund. It's a phishing scam designed to get your personal info from you so that you can join the ranks of identity theft victims. This newsletter has more information about it (it's the first item). There is a legitimate way to track your refund, and a legitimate site to do so, but the IRS doesn't send unsolicited e-mails, and the big tipoff to the scam is when it asks for your credit card number, which of course has nothing to do with the IRS or your refund. As with all things you get via e-mail, be aware and be wary. Now you know.
And knowing is half the battle.
Now, before you get all impressed, you should know I don't like any of that stuff that's mentioned with the super-stuffed potato, so I made it bacon-wrapped beef tenderloin and baked potatoes (with a side of corn). And then I couldn't find beef tenderloin steaks at the grocery store, so I picked beef filet mignon. I have no idea if they're similar, but I figured it might be. (For someone who is such a fan of meat, my knowledge of it is surprisingly minimal.) So it ended up being bacon-wrapped filet mignon and baked potato and corn. A little simpler perhaps, but still tasty.
On an unrelated public service announcement, we're getting into tax season soon, so beware if you get an e-mail letting you know about a Web form that will let you track your IRS refund. It's a phishing scam designed to get your personal info from you so that you can join the ranks of identity theft victims. This newsletter has more information about it (it's the first item). There is a legitimate way to track your refund, and a legitimate site to do so, but the IRS doesn't send unsolicited e-mails, and the big tipoff to the scam is when it asks for your credit card number, which of course has nothing to do with the IRS or your refund. As with all things you get via e-mail, be aware and be wary. Now you know.
And knowing is half the battle.
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Bumper stickler
I saw this bumper sticker while driving around today:
"Elect Christ king of your life"
I thought this was odd, mostly because one does not elect kings. (They are, as I'm sure you know, determined by lineage and, sometimes, whoever last sacked the kingdom.) I thought "Crown Christ king of your life" would have been much more fitting. But it also got me thinking of some other possibilities:
Elect Christ president of your life
Appoint Christ councilman of your life
Support the Savior for Senator of your life
Or my favorite possibility:
Stage a coup, overthrow your personal government and make Jesus the benevolent dictator of your life
I think it has a nice ring to it.
"Elect Christ king of your life"
I thought this was odd, mostly because one does not elect kings. (They are, as I'm sure you know, determined by lineage and, sometimes, whoever last sacked the kingdom.) I thought "Crown Christ king of your life" would have been much more fitting. But it also got me thinking of some other possibilities:
Elect Christ president of your life
Appoint Christ councilman of your life
Support the Savior for Senator of your life
Or my favorite possibility:
Stage a coup, overthrow your personal government and make Jesus the benevolent dictator of your life
I think it has a nice ring to it.
Monday, January 02, 2006
All together now
Spanish phrase of the day:
Me he pasado con el champan!
(meh eh pah-sah-doh kohn ehl shahm-pahn!
(sorry, I don't know how to do accent marks or the upside down exclamation mark)
Translation: I drank too much champagne!
I can already tell this is going to be fun...
Me he pasado con el champan!
(meh eh pah-sah-doh kohn ehl shahm-pahn!
(sorry, I don't know how to do accent marks or the upside down exclamation mark)
Translation: I drank too much champagne!
I can already tell this is going to be fun...
Saturday, December 31, 2005
Out with the old, in with the new
I need to set up a photo album first, but then I'll catch you all up on what I've been up to the past few weeks. But in the meantime, Happy New Year! I'm not one usually inclined to make New Year's resolutions, believing as I do that every day is a perfectly fine opportunity for a new start. But I'm making a bit of an exception, in the hopes of perhaps holding myself a bit more accountable if I put these out there for everyone to see. So here are my goals for 2006 (feel free to share yours as well, if you want):
1) Take lessons and learn to play the guitar.
2) Learn some Spanish (and maybe refresh a little on my French) -- do this using my Spanish phrase-a-day calendar and Spanish language tapes.
3) Be better about keeping in touch with people -- don't let any e-mails go unanswered for more than a week (maybe two). And if it's been a couple of months since I've heard from a friend, drop them a note.
4) Blog more often. It doesn't always have to be about some big event or something funny (although it doesn't hurt).
5) Get back to going to the gym 5 days a week. If for some reason, I can't make it to the gym, stretch and jump rope.
6) Start practicing tai chi again on a regular basis.
7) Floss at least every other day.
8) Cook more.
9) Eat healthier -- keep track of what I eat everyday on www.mypyramid.gov/index.html to keep myself accountable.
10) Start the process for buying a house so that I can do that by the time my lease ends in February 2007.
11) Do more hiking, biking and other outdoor activities.
12) Get my Christmas cards from 2005 out. :-)
I'll let you know if I think of any others...
1) Take lessons and learn to play the guitar.
2) Learn some Spanish (and maybe refresh a little on my French) -- do this using my Spanish phrase-a-day calendar and Spanish language tapes.
3) Be better about keeping in touch with people -- don't let any e-mails go unanswered for more than a week (maybe two). And if it's been a couple of months since I've heard from a friend, drop them a note.
4) Blog more often. It doesn't always have to be about some big event or something funny (although it doesn't hurt).
5) Get back to going to the gym 5 days a week. If for some reason, I can't make it to the gym, stretch and jump rope.
6) Start practicing tai chi again on a regular basis.
7) Floss at least every other day.
8) Cook more.
9) Eat healthier -- keep track of what I eat everyday on www.mypyramid.gov/index.html to keep myself accountable.
10) Start the process for buying a house so that I can do that by the time my lease ends in February 2007.
11) Do more hiking, biking and other outdoor activities.
12) Get my Christmas cards from 2005 out. :-)
I'll let you know if I think of any others...
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Merry Chrismakwanzakkuh
I'll update soon, but in the meantime, have a Merry Christmas!
As Tiny Tim said, "God bless us, every one."
As Tiny Tim said, "God bless us, every one."
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Celebratory Deathmatch
It appears a number of conservative Christians are upset about the White House's Christmas cards this year -- or rather "holiday" cards, as they do not specifically mention Christmas. But I mention this because of the following quote from the Rev. Bob Edgar, general secretary of the National Council of Churches and a former Democratic congressman:
"I think it's more important to put Christ back into our war planning than into our Christmas cards."
And he's right. I mean, more of generals should be asking themselves: WWJK? (Who would Jesus kill?) He was, after all, known for his immense skill in war game strategy. And there's no better stocking stuffer to give other countries than a crusade.
But it's possible he wasn't talking about wars such as the war on terrorism or the war in Iraq or the war on drugs (are we still fighting that?). Because the Heritage Foundation says there is a "war on Christmas." Although I don't think Christmas has either oil or weapons of mass destruction.
I'm assuming that Santa is leading the other side of this war against Baby Jesus. As any kid can tell you, rearrange the letters in "Santa" and you get "Satan" (they both wear red...). So that got me thinking: In an epic battle between Jesus and Santa, who would win? Let's look at the breakdown.
SPECIAL POWERS
Santa: Super stealth -- the guy can get into and out of any house undetected. Also, possibly super speed. And while he can't fly, his reindeer can.
Jesus: Walking on water, which will be handy when Jesus wants to get to Santa's North Pole lair. Also, healing and bringing the dead back to life, which is going to make it really hard to take down Jesus' army. Plus, if you kill him, he's just going to be back in three days.
Advantage: Jesus
POSSE
Santa: Nine reindeer that can fly and that have antlers, perfect for fly-by gougings. Elves -- even though they normally build toys, they could very well be capable of building more dangerous items. Also, they're small, which makes them harder to hit.
Jesus: 12 Apostles. They can ... umm, fish?
Advantage: Santa
TRAINING
Santa: I think it's obvious that Jelly Belly doesn't spend a lot of time in the off-season doing any physical training.
Jesus: A pretty fit guy; he does a lot of walking, including up and down mountains. And a wimp isn't going to be able to overturn the table of a moneychanger.
Advantage: Jesus
RESERVE ARMIES
Santa: The children love that guy.
Jesus: He did say, "Let the children come to me" so that could split that group of support. Also popular among lepers and tax collectors.
Advantage: Jesus, by the rotting skin of a leper's teeth.
ENDURANCE
Santa: Unless they've got a stockpile of fruit cakes in the North Pole, I'm pretty sure the elves can't make food. So in case of a long siege, those reindeer are probably going to start looking pretty tasty.
Jesus: He can multiply loaves and fishes. Also, getting wine out of a rock? Now that's a good morale booster for the troops.
Advantage: Jesus
HOME COURT ADVANTAGE
Santa: It's the North Frickin' Pole. And while the postman may be able to get there, I'm pretty sure the good people of Galilee would freeze to death.
Jesus: The Mediterranean. It's balmy. And Santa's been all around the world. He won't even break a sweat.
Advantage: Santa
BEST SURPRISE MOVE
Santa: One word -- Tannenbombs
Jesus: He expels the demons from a possessed person and sends them into the reindeer, who then drown themselves in the sea.
Advantage: Santa
SECRET WEAPON
Santa: He's got a sack that seems be infinite. So who knows what is in that thing.
Jesus: Dad.
Advantage: Jesus
WINNER: Sorry, Santa, it looks like Jesus is going to put the smackdown on you. Have you considered enlisting the help of the Easter Bunny?
"I think it's more important to put Christ back into our war planning than into our Christmas cards."
And he's right. I mean, more of generals should be asking themselves: WWJK? (Who would Jesus kill?) He was, after all, known for his immense skill in war game strategy. And there's no better stocking stuffer to give other countries than a crusade.
But it's possible he wasn't talking about wars such as the war on terrorism or the war in Iraq or the war on drugs (are we still fighting that?). Because the Heritage Foundation says there is a "war on Christmas." Although I don't think Christmas has either oil or weapons of mass destruction.
I'm assuming that Santa is leading the other side of this war against Baby Jesus. As any kid can tell you, rearrange the letters in "Santa" and you get "Satan" (they both wear red...). So that got me thinking: In an epic battle between Jesus and Santa, who would win? Let's look at the breakdown.
SPECIAL POWERS
Santa: Super stealth -- the guy can get into and out of any house undetected. Also, possibly super speed. And while he can't fly, his reindeer can.
Jesus: Walking on water, which will be handy when Jesus wants to get to Santa's North Pole lair. Also, healing and bringing the dead back to life, which is going to make it really hard to take down Jesus' army. Plus, if you kill him, he's just going to be back in three days.
Advantage: Jesus
POSSE
Santa: Nine reindeer that can fly and that have antlers, perfect for fly-by gougings. Elves -- even though they normally build toys, they could very well be capable of building more dangerous items. Also, they're small, which makes them harder to hit.
Jesus: 12 Apostles. They can ... umm, fish?
Advantage: Santa
TRAINING
Santa: I think it's obvious that Jelly Belly doesn't spend a lot of time in the off-season doing any physical training.
Jesus: A pretty fit guy; he does a lot of walking, including up and down mountains. And a wimp isn't going to be able to overturn the table of a moneychanger.
Advantage: Jesus
RESERVE ARMIES
Santa: The children love that guy.
Jesus: He did say, "Let the children come to me" so that could split that group of support. Also popular among lepers and tax collectors.
Advantage: Jesus, by the rotting skin of a leper's teeth.
ENDURANCE
Santa: Unless they've got a stockpile of fruit cakes in the North Pole, I'm pretty sure the elves can't make food. So in case of a long siege, those reindeer are probably going to start looking pretty tasty.
Jesus: He can multiply loaves and fishes. Also, getting wine out of a rock? Now that's a good morale booster for the troops.
Advantage: Jesus
HOME COURT ADVANTAGE
Santa: It's the North Frickin' Pole. And while the postman may be able to get there, I'm pretty sure the good people of Galilee would freeze to death.
Jesus: The Mediterranean. It's balmy. And Santa's been all around the world. He won't even break a sweat.
Advantage: Santa
BEST SURPRISE MOVE
Santa: One word -- Tannenbombs
Jesus: He expels the demons from a possessed person and sends them into the reindeer, who then drown themselves in the sea.
Advantage: Santa
SECRET WEAPON
Santa: He's got a sack that seems be infinite. So who knows what is in that thing.
Jesus: Dad.
Advantage: Jesus
WINNER: Sorry, Santa, it looks like Jesus is going to put the smackdown on you. Have you considered enlisting the help of the Easter Bunny?
Monday, December 05, 2005
Xtreme embarrassment
Work asked if anyone would be willing to write a short article on going snowboarding, so I volunteered. I've skied for a long time and have wanted to try snowboarding for a few years, but have never gotten around to it. I've never skateboarded and I'm not exactly the type to be thrashing down a half-pipe doing 360s and ollies or whatever while chugging Mountain Dew, but I figured it was a good excuse to give it a shot.
I went yesterday and this was pretty much how the day went:
7 a.m.: Alarm goes off. I had originally planned on driving out earlier to the ski resort, which is about three and a half hours away in western Virginia, but when I didn't get home from work until about 1 a.m. I thought better of it.
8:30: I'm finally on the road after having showered, eaten, gotten all my stuff together and stopped by the house of a friend for whom I'm dog sitting. It's mornings like these that I really wish I drank coffee. I could desperately use the caffeine. Instead, I pull over at a rest stop for a quick nap along the way.
Noon: I get to the ski resort and am surprised that there is no snow anywhere. But then again, of course there's no snow. It's been a warm winter until recently and I'm not that high up. How depressing. But they have a few runs open that they've covered with manmade snow. I get a half-day pass and rent a snowboard and boots. With the rental comes a free beginner lesson. The next one, though, isn't until 2 or 2:30.
12:30: I grab a quick lunch and watch the people on the slopes. Most of the snowboarders make it look easy. I know they're lying.
1:00: I decide to try to get a feel for the snowboard while I'm waiting for the lesson to begin. I strap myself in and manage to stand up.
I promptly fall over.
I stand up again.
And promptly fall over.
Repeat steps 1 and 2 several more times.
Finally, I decide to move to somewhere with less people standing around in order to minimize my embarrassment.
I watch two young girls who have coerced a third friend into trying to snowboard. I listen in on what they're telling her, hoping to glean some information that might be useful. Unfortunately for me, and their friend, they're not a lot of help.
I finally get to the point where I can stand up and slide back and forth a little. On flat land. I try moving slowly down a hill and quickly lose balance and fall.
At this point, I should mention something: I have been warned about this. Everyone I know who was ever snowboarded has said that it is difficult. There's a steep learning curve, they say, so don't expect to get the hang of it until after you've done it a lot.
They are right.
Colorado skiing background, a pretty decent sense of balance, comfort on a mountain slope -- all of these traits are for naught.
2:15: I at least get pretty good at strapping my boots into the snowboard and am OK at standing up by the time the lesson starts. The class consists of me and a young couple. We go over the basics of safety and naming the parts of the board. We practice sliding around with one foot strapped to the board, which is a lot harder than it looks.
2:25: Finally, we hit the slope. We practice standing. I will have a lot of practice at getting up before the afternoon is over. Then we practice moving on the heel edge of the board. Later we practice the toe edge. It takes an eternity to get down the slope. I will sum up a very lengthy journey like this: I fell. A lot. Occasionally, I would have moments of comprehension that would last for a few seconds and were followed by a loss of control and either a face plant or a butt fall. I exerted way more energy than I ever would have thought possible and suddenly understood why, when you usually see snowboarders, they're sitting down on the slopes. It's freaking exhausting. It took me about 40 minutes to get to the bottom of the slope. I sense that the instructor, while nice, was probably a little impatient with me. The other two in the class made it down in about half the time it took me. They, too, were nice about it, but I felt bad.
3:10: We get on the lift. To say that it's a huge relief to be sitting down on something that's not the cold, wet ground is an understatement. That relief turns to embarrassment for the umpteenth time that day when I fall down trying to get off the lift and must quickly crawl/slide on my rear to get out of the way before the people on the next lift chair run me over.
3:15: The instructor and the rest of the class prepare for a second run. I politely bow out. I don't want to make them suffer any more than they already have and I desperately need a break.
3:25: I stop by the restaurant and order a glass of water, a smoothie and an ice cream sundae. After all of that, I'm burning up. The waitress, who is a friendly, motherly sort, wants to know what sort of food I order in the summer.
3:45: It's possible I have overestimated in my food choice. By the time the sundae arrives, I've not only cooled down, I've chilled myself. I barely eat any of the sundae. The waitress says I look defeated by the sundae. She is right, but the look of defeat has more to do with having spent the past few hours having my ass spanked by a 3-foot board working in tandem with a mountain.
3:55: I head back outside and decide if I want to try another run. But a lot of me is soaked and cold, and frankly, I'm not sure I can make it to the bottom of the hill before the lifts close at 4:30. In the half-hour I've been sitting down, I also feel like my muscles have atrophied. And I have to try to take some pictures of snowboarders to go with the article. So I pack it in, grab the camera and spend awhile shooting photos.
4:30: I'm on the road again. About 7 hours of driving for one full run on the hill. I am humbled. In the future, I know that I can either stick with skiing, which I know and which comes fairly easy for me now, or I can try snowboarding, which is new and difficult. One of those telling life choices. I'd like to think I'll choose to snowboard again. Although given the distance of the slopes and that I'll probably only get out there once or twice a year -- if that -- it's going to be difficult to feel like I'm having fun on a board anytime soon. But we'll see.
5:30: I fill up at a gas station and grab a Mountain Dew while I'm there. I chug it. At least I've done something Xtreme today.
I went yesterday and this was pretty much how the day went:
7 a.m.: Alarm goes off. I had originally planned on driving out earlier to the ski resort, which is about three and a half hours away in western Virginia, but when I didn't get home from work until about 1 a.m. I thought better of it.
8:30: I'm finally on the road after having showered, eaten, gotten all my stuff together and stopped by the house of a friend for whom I'm dog sitting. It's mornings like these that I really wish I drank coffee. I could desperately use the caffeine. Instead, I pull over at a rest stop for a quick nap along the way.
Noon: I get to the ski resort and am surprised that there is no snow anywhere. But then again, of course there's no snow. It's been a warm winter until recently and I'm not that high up. How depressing. But they have a few runs open that they've covered with manmade snow. I get a half-day pass and rent a snowboard and boots. With the rental comes a free beginner lesson. The next one, though, isn't until 2 or 2:30.
12:30: I grab a quick lunch and watch the people on the slopes. Most of the snowboarders make it look easy. I know they're lying.
1:00: I decide to try to get a feel for the snowboard while I'm waiting for the lesson to begin. I strap myself in and manage to stand up.
I promptly fall over.
I stand up again.
And promptly fall over.
Repeat steps 1 and 2 several more times.
Finally, I decide to move to somewhere with less people standing around in order to minimize my embarrassment.
I watch two young girls who have coerced a third friend into trying to snowboard. I listen in on what they're telling her, hoping to glean some information that might be useful. Unfortunately for me, and their friend, they're not a lot of help.
I finally get to the point where I can stand up and slide back and forth a little. On flat land. I try moving slowly down a hill and quickly lose balance and fall.
At this point, I should mention something: I have been warned about this. Everyone I know who was ever snowboarded has said that it is difficult. There's a steep learning curve, they say, so don't expect to get the hang of it until after you've done it a lot.
They are right.
Colorado skiing background, a pretty decent sense of balance, comfort on a mountain slope -- all of these traits are for naught.
2:15: I at least get pretty good at strapping my boots into the snowboard and am OK at standing up by the time the lesson starts. The class consists of me and a young couple. We go over the basics of safety and naming the parts of the board. We practice sliding around with one foot strapped to the board, which is a lot harder than it looks.
2:25: Finally, we hit the slope. We practice standing. I will have a lot of practice at getting up before the afternoon is over. Then we practice moving on the heel edge of the board. Later we practice the toe edge. It takes an eternity to get down the slope. I will sum up a very lengthy journey like this: I fell. A lot. Occasionally, I would have moments of comprehension that would last for a few seconds and were followed by a loss of control and either a face plant or a butt fall. I exerted way more energy than I ever would have thought possible and suddenly understood why, when you usually see snowboarders, they're sitting down on the slopes. It's freaking exhausting. It took me about 40 minutes to get to the bottom of the slope. I sense that the instructor, while nice, was probably a little impatient with me. The other two in the class made it down in about half the time it took me. They, too, were nice about it, but I felt bad.
3:10: We get on the lift. To say that it's a huge relief to be sitting down on something that's not the cold, wet ground is an understatement. That relief turns to embarrassment for the umpteenth time that day when I fall down trying to get off the lift and must quickly crawl/slide on my rear to get out of the way before the people on the next lift chair run me over.
3:15: The instructor and the rest of the class prepare for a second run. I politely bow out. I don't want to make them suffer any more than they already have and I desperately need a break.
3:25: I stop by the restaurant and order a glass of water, a smoothie and an ice cream sundae. After all of that, I'm burning up. The waitress, who is a friendly, motherly sort, wants to know what sort of food I order in the summer.
3:45: It's possible I have overestimated in my food choice. By the time the sundae arrives, I've not only cooled down, I've chilled myself. I barely eat any of the sundae. The waitress says I look defeated by the sundae. She is right, but the look of defeat has more to do with having spent the past few hours having my ass spanked by a 3-foot board working in tandem with a mountain.
3:55: I head back outside and decide if I want to try another run. But a lot of me is soaked and cold, and frankly, I'm not sure I can make it to the bottom of the hill before the lifts close at 4:30. In the half-hour I've been sitting down, I also feel like my muscles have atrophied. And I have to try to take some pictures of snowboarders to go with the article. So I pack it in, grab the camera and spend awhile shooting photos.
4:30: I'm on the road again. About 7 hours of driving for one full run on the hill. I am humbled. In the future, I know that I can either stick with skiing, which I know and which comes fairly easy for me now, or I can try snowboarding, which is new and difficult. One of those telling life choices. I'd like to think I'll choose to snowboard again. Although given the distance of the slopes and that I'll probably only get out there once or twice a year -- if that -- it's going to be difficult to feel like I'm having fun on a board anytime soon. But we'll see.
5:30: I fill up at a gas station and grab a Mountain Dew while I'm there. I chug it. At least I've done something Xtreme today.
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Story leftovers
(As a quick note, News in a Nutshell is on hiatus through the holidays -- I'll be out of town some and I'd really like to try to get Christmas cards sent before Valentine's Day this year, so I won't have a lot of time. But if I run across any really interesting articles, I'll let you know. And I'll try to update a little more frequently.)
So this Thanksgiving was definitely a good test of my culinary skills. I had to cook a dish for a get-together with work friends on Thanksgiving (yes, I worked), and then prepare the meal for my parents and brother, who were coming into town on Friday. I went to the grocery store at the beginning of last week and realized two things:
1) You shouldn't go to the grocery store the week of Thanksgiving because it's a mad house.
2) You shouldn't wait that long to buy a turkey either. They were out of fresh turkeys and only had frozen ones that wouldn't have thawed in time.
So I decided to go with ham -- delicious and easier to make. Everyone wins!
For the work dinner, I decided to make sweet potatoes, something I hadn't done before, but figured wouldn't be too difficult. Plus, I could make a double batch of it, take 3/4 to the work dinner and keep a fourth of it to serve the next day to the family. I bought fresh sweet potatoes, scoffing at the cans of sweet potatoes. I needed eight medium sweet potatoes, but apparently I was in the mutant sweet potato section because they were all pretty big. When I began to peel and dice the potatoes, I began to rue how I had laughed at the cans. I get it now.
I also had more sweet potatoes than I really needed, which required some ... improvisation with the ingredient amounts. It worked out all right, except when I realized I didn't have brown sugar like I thought I did. So while one batch of potatoes was boiling, I quickly drove to the store to get a bag of brown sugar and get back before I accidentally burned my apartment down or something. It turned out pretty well. Some people who don't normally like sweet potatoes even said they liked them, so maybe there's something to be said for the trouble of fresh sweet potatoes.
Just stay away from the giant, mutant ones.
As far as Thanksgiving, the menu called for:
Ham
Sweet potatoes
A corn/cornbread dish, the recipe for which my mom gave me
Croissants
Sparkling cider
Most of that stuff was pretty easy to make and it all went off without a hitch. Although due to a typo in the corn recipe, I bought nine boxes of corn muffin mix instead of one. I thought nine seemed like a lot, but there was no way on Earth I was going back to the grocery store again last week if I was wrong. (And they were only three for $1.) So now I can make corn muffins to go with pretty much every meal I make for quite some time.
Corn muffins make a great Christmas gift, don't they?
So this Thanksgiving was definitely a good test of my culinary skills. I had to cook a dish for a get-together with work friends on Thanksgiving (yes, I worked), and then prepare the meal for my parents and brother, who were coming into town on Friday. I went to the grocery store at the beginning of last week and realized two things:
1) You shouldn't go to the grocery store the week of Thanksgiving because it's a mad house.
2) You shouldn't wait that long to buy a turkey either. They were out of fresh turkeys and only had frozen ones that wouldn't have thawed in time.
So I decided to go with ham -- delicious and easier to make. Everyone wins!
For the work dinner, I decided to make sweet potatoes, something I hadn't done before, but figured wouldn't be too difficult. Plus, I could make a double batch of it, take 3/4 to the work dinner and keep a fourth of it to serve the next day to the family. I bought fresh sweet potatoes, scoffing at the cans of sweet potatoes. I needed eight medium sweet potatoes, but apparently I was in the mutant sweet potato section because they were all pretty big. When I began to peel and dice the potatoes, I began to rue how I had laughed at the cans. I get it now.
I also had more sweet potatoes than I really needed, which required some ... improvisation with the ingredient amounts. It worked out all right, except when I realized I didn't have brown sugar like I thought I did. So while one batch of potatoes was boiling, I quickly drove to the store to get a bag of brown sugar and get back before I accidentally burned my apartment down or something. It turned out pretty well. Some people who don't normally like sweet potatoes even said they liked them, so maybe there's something to be said for the trouble of fresh sweet potatoes.
Just stay away from the giant, mutant ones.
As far as Thanksgiving, the menu called for:
Ham
Sweet potatoes
A corn/cornbread dish, the recipe for which my mom gave me
Croissants
Sparkling cider
Most of that stuff was pretty easy to make and it all went off without a hitch. Although due to a typo in the corn recipe, I bought nine boxes of corn muffin mix instead of one. I thought nine seemed like a lot, but there was no way on Earth I was going back to the grocery store again last week if I was wrong. (And they were only three for $1.) So now I can make corn muffins to go with pretty much every meal I make for quite some time.
Corn muffins make a great Christmas gift, don't they?
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Truth in advertising
The Hooters sign near my apartment.
The only thing missing is an "s" to make it plural.
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
No news, but a cool story
Sorry, no time for News in a Nutshell this weekend. But I do offer up this really great story on a 75-year-old woman who recounts her life as a jewel thief. It's a great read; you gotta check it out.
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Parsnippets
I made pork pot roast in cider the other day. It was a crock pot recipe, so it was pretty easy to handle. But it involved parsnips, which I didn't have any experience with. (They look like albino carrots, as it ends up.) I also found out that they taste nasty -- kind of bitter or something; strong at any rate. And it kind of gave everything else that was simmering in the crock pot that flavor, too.
Ick.
My advice? Cut out the parsnips when cooking.
I've never really jumped on the Harry Potter bandwagon. I kept meaning to read the books, but have just never gotten around to it. The latest movie opens Friday and a few friends of work are going, so I decided I may as well at least stick a toe in the waters that seem to make everyone so crazy for Harry. But I'm obviously not going to be able to read all the books that quickly, so I've got the first three movies. I've seen the first so far and have until Monday to watch the next two. I'm hoping they get better as the kids get older, because right now, I don't really see what all the fuss is about. (Although I'm sure the books are better -- they always are.)
I started doing a bit of Christmas shopping for family members over my days off this week and ended up getting a couple of gifts for other people, but also:
1) 3 CDs (Kanye West and 2 Jason Mraz albums -- I'm really digging the "Geek in the Pink" song lately)
2) 1 DVD
3) 1 book ("The Dante Club," which has been recommended reading from a friend for some time)
4) 1 box of chocolate covered cherries (What?! They're tasty. Back off.)
5) 1 bamboo plant for my cubicle at the office (easy to care for and don't need a lot of light)
Apparently, I need a little work on the whole giving/getting thing...
Ick.
My advice? Cut out the parsnips when cooking.
I've never really jumped on the Harry Potter bandwagon. I kept meaning to read the books, but have just never gotten around to it. The latest movie opens Friday and a few friends of work are going, so I decided I may as well at least stick a toe in the waters that seem to make everyone so crazy for Harry. But I'm obviously not going to be able to read all the books that quickly, so I've got the first three movies. I've seen the first so far and have until Monday to watch the next two. I'm hoping they get better as the kids get older, because right now, I don't really see what all the fuss is about. (Although I'm sure the books are better -- they always are.)
I started doing a bit of Christmas shopping for family members over my days off this week and ended up getting a couple of gifts for other people, but also:
1) 3 CDs (Kanye West and 2 Jason Mraz albums -- I'm really digging the "Geek in the Pink" song lately)
2) 1 DVD
3) 1 book ("The Dante Club," which has been recommended reading from a friend for some time)
4) 1 box of chocolate covered cherries (What?! They're tasty. Back off.)
5) 1 bamboo plant for my cubicle at the office (easy to care for and don't need a lot of light)
Apparently, I need a little work on the whole giving/getting thing...
Monday, November 14, 2005
News in a nutshell: Oct. 31-Nov. 13
Sound smart
Riots have spread throughout France over the past couple of weeks. About 7,000 cars have been set on fire, almost 2,000 people have been arrested so far and the government has imposed a curfew in many areas. The government was slow to respond to the unrest, partly because about 80 cars are torched throughout the country on a normal, peaceful night.
I tell you, kids these days ... Whatever happened to just cruising Main Street? You know, when I was a kid, we didn't have all these fancy Molotov cocktails and other flammable fuels. No, if we wanted to set fire to something, we had to use the sun and a magnifying glass ... in the snow! And by golly, we liked it that way!
President Bush nominated Sammy "The Gavel" Alito to replace Sandra Day O'Connor. Alito is expected to give senators an offer they can't refuse when confirmation hearings begin.
Pirates fired on a luxury cruiser liner off of Somalia, as armed bandits tried to board the ship. The cruise ship managed to escape but pirate attacks have been increasingly common off Somalia's borders. Word has it they're in search of booty, meaning they may not be pirates after all, just a bunch of frat boys.
Boring but important
The Kansas Board of Education voted 6-4 to approve new science standards that include intelligent design and, because intelligent design isn't really a science by definition, the board rewrote the definition of science.
I'm not joking.
In related news, Pat Robertson condemned the people of Dover, Pa., after they voted out School Board members who had sought to recognize intelligent design in schools. Robertson said the town shouldn't look to God for help when they start facing problems. I, for one, think Pat Robertson's existence pretty much debunks intelligent design and evolution. Is there a "survival of the craziest" theory?
Sorry to say
57 people were killed in three explosions at hotels in Jordan, prompting a call from the king of Jordan for an international war on terrorism.
Umm ... gee, why didn't anyone else think of that?!?
But now for some good news
The San Diego Zoo named its baby panda Su Lin, which translates as "A little bit of something very cute" in Chinese. And if that doesn't make you smile, then you are a cold, cold person...
On Wednesday, Bush awarded the Medal of Freedom to 14 people, including Muhammad Ali for being "The Greatest," Paul Rusesabagina for helping save hundreds of lives during the Rwandan genocide, and Andy Griffith for keeping crime down in Mayberry and solving so many difficult court room cases later in his career.
What the?!?
Denver voters last week approved a measure legalizing small amounts of marijuana. Mile High City jokes about how the city has gone to pot would just be too easy, so I'll just reefer you to the article here.
Police in northern Virginia are looking for a woman who has been robbing banks while talking on her cell phone. You know, it's a sad day when our society reaches the point that we're not even willing to give our full attention when robbing one another. A sad day indeed...
A man found a 1,400-pound meteorite on a Kansas farm. In unrelated news, a nearby farming couple have a new baby! I think we can expect some super things from that kid.
As traffic increases in Southern California, a group of geniuses has proposed building a major tunnel right next to a major fault line. I can see the made-for-TV disaster movie now ...
Scientists have debunked the idea of cow-tipping, saying it would take at least five people and some pretty improbable circumstances, the biggest of which is all five people being sober.
A Colorado man who says he was glued to a toilet seat in Home Depot and sued for $3 million passed a lie detector test after it was alleged he had made a similar claim in another town. If this guy is for real, then just remember: No matter how bad a day you might be having, it could be worse -- you could be the guy who keeps getting glued to the can.
A California man has begun a radio station for pets to listen to while their owners are out of the house. He started it, he said, because his cat told him to. After his first broadcast, the cat gave the man a treat and told him, "Good boy! Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?"
The California man is now working on mastering "shake hand."
Riots have spread throughout France over the past couple of weeks. About 7,000 cars have been set on fire, almost 2,000 people have been arrested so far and the government has imposed a curfew in many areas. The government was slow to respond to the unrest, partly because about 80 cars are torched throughout the country on a normal, peaceful night.
I tell you, kids these days ... Whatever happened to just cruising Main Street? You know, when I was a kid, we didn't have all these fancy Molotov cocktails and other flammable fuels. No, if we wanted to set fire to something, we had to use the sun and a magnifying glass ... in the snow! And by golly, we liked it that way!
President Bush nominated Sammy "The Gavel" Alito to replace Sandra Day O'Connor. Alito is expected to give senators an offer they can't refuse when confirmation hearings begin.
Pirates fired on a luxury cruiser liner off of Somalia, as armed bandits tried to board the ship. The cruise ship managed to escape but pirate attacks have been increasingly common off Somalia's borders. Word has it they're in search of booty, meaning they may not be pirates after all, just a bunch of frat boys.
Boring but important
The Kansas Board of Education voted 6-4 to approve new science standards that include intelligent design and, because intelligent design isn't really a science by definition, the board rewrote the definition of science.
I'm not joking.
In related news, Pat Robertson condemned the people of Dover, Pa., after they voted out School Board members who had sought to recognize intelligent design in schools. Robertson said the town shouldn't look to God for help when they start facing problems. I, for one, think Pat Robertson's existence pretty much debunks intelligent design and evolution. Is there a "survival of the craziest" theory?
Sorry to say
57 people were killed in three explosions at hotels in Jordan, prompting a call from the king of Jordan for an international war on terrorism.
Umm ... gee, why didn't anyone else think of that?!?
But now for some good news
The San Diego Zoo named its baby panda Su Lin, which translates as "A little bit of something very cute" in Chinese. And if that doesn't make you smile, then you are a cold, cold person...
On Wednesday, Bush awarded the Medal of Freedom to 14 people, including Muhammad Ali for being "The Greatest," Paul Rusesabagina for helping save hundreds of lives during the Rwandan genocide, and Andy Griffith for keeping crime down in Mayberry and solving so many difficult court room cases later in his career.
What the?!?
Denver voters last week approved a measure legalizing small amounts of marijuana. Mile High City jokes about how the city has gone to pot would just be too easy, so I'll just reefer you to the article here.
Police in northern Virginia are looking for a woman who has been robbing banks while talking on her cell phone. You know, it's a sad day when our society reaches the point that we're not even willing to give our full attention when robbing one another. A sad day indeed...
A man found a 1,400-pound meteorite on a Kansas farm. In unrelated news, a nearby farming couple have a new baby! I think we can expect some super things from that kid.
As traffic increases in Southern California, a group of geniuses has proposed building a major tunnel right next to a major fault line. I can see the made-for-TV disaster movie now ...
Scientists have debunked the idea of cow-tipping, saying it would take at least five people and some pretty improbable circumstances, the biggest of which is all five people being sober.
A Colorado man who says he was glued to a toilet seat in Home Depot and sued for $3 million passed a lie detector test after it was alleged he had made a similar claim in another town. If this guy is for real, then just remember: No matter how bad a day you might be having, it could be worse -- you could be the guy who keeps getting glued to the can.
A California man has begun a radio station for pets to listen to while their owners are out of the house. He started it, he said, because his cat told him to. After his first broadcast, the cat gave the man a treat and told him, "Good boy! Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?"
The California man is now working on mastering "shake hand."
Friday, November 11, 2005
Playing in the shallow end of the pool hall
I went to a new place last night with a friend from work who was writing up a short little piece on where to go to play pool. It's basically a pool hall/sports bar. It has more than a dozen pool tables, about 30 TVs showing hockey or football, skeeball and other arcade games, food (including pizza by the slice) and ... barely-of-age waitresses dressed as cheerleaders.
I believe my initial comment of disbelief was: "They dress their waitresses as cheerleaders?? Seriously?!?!?" Granted, they were wearing low-slung, hip-hugging pants rather than cheerleading skirts, providing an iota of modesty, but it did little to hide the preponderance of lower-back tattoos of the girls who mostly looked too young to be serving alcohol. But then again, most of the people in the place looked like they were in high school to me, which probably means they were in college.
My friend at one point wanted to flag down our waitress but almost grabbed the wrong one. After she dismissed the wrong waitress, she turned to me and whispered: "They all look pretty much the same; I can't tell the difference."
So yeah, it was sort of like a slightly less skeezy version of Hooters in a way.
But they had food and pool that you pay for by the hour, which I've been missing for a while. The music that was playing seemed to be the soundtrack from my high school days, which was a little weird, but cool because I knew all the words to the songs.
I also managed to prove that while I can be one ball short of running the table on the first turn, I will still regress to my habit of sinking the cue ball at inopportune times.
But at least I was able to scratch my pool-playing itch as well...
I believe my initial comment of disbelief was: "They dress their waitresses as cheerleaders?? Seriously?!?!?" Granted, they were wearing low-slung, hip-hugging pants rather than cheerleading skirts, providing an iota of modesty, but it did little to hide the preponderance of lower-back tattoos of the girls who mostly looked too young to be serving alcohol. But then again, most of the people in the place looked like they were in high school to me, which probably means they were in college.
My friend at one point wanted to flag down our waitress but almost grabbed the wrong one. After she dismissed the wrong waitress, she turned to me and whispered: "They all look pretty much the same; I can't tell the difference."
So yeah, it was sort of like a slightly less skeezy version of Hooters in a way.
But they had food and pool that you pay for by the hour, which I've been missing for a while. The music that was playing seemed to be the soundtrack from my high school days, which was a little weird, but cool because I knew all the words to the songs.
I also managed to prove that while I can be one ball short of running the table on the first turn, I will still regress to my habit of sinking the cue ball at inopportune times.
But at least I was able to scratch my pool-playing itch as well...
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
News in a nutshell: Oct. 24-30
Sound smart
On Thursday, Harriet Miers, whom Bush had picked for the Supreme Court, withdrew her nomination before confirmation hearings had even begun. Miers had come under fire from both parties for not seeming to have an opinion on anything -- except how totally dreamy Bush is.
On Friday, I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby, the vice president's chief of staff, resigned after he was indicted in the investigation of who leaked CIA agent Valerie Plame's identity. After the whole "Brownie" debacle, this was strike two against guys with elementary school nicknames in positions of power. And it doesn't bode well for Scott "Snot" McClellan...
Mother Nature is still on the war path with Hurricane Beta battering Nicaragua on Sunday. And Hurricane Wilma hit southern Florida on Monday as a Category 3 storm, cutting power to 6 million people, causing a lot of flooding and killing 10. The storm's strength surprised many people who had chosen not to evacuate.
Gee ... if only there had been some past event to indicate that we should be taking hurricanes seriously ... oh, if only ...
The president of Iran said Wednesday that Israel should be "wiped off the map." So ... does this mean we're not going to have peace in the Middle East soon?
Boring but important
To be the next chairman of the Federal Reserve Board, President Bush nominated Ben Bernanke. If confirmed, he would replace Alan Greenspan who is retiring in ... oh, hell, I lost you at Federal Reserve, didn't I?
The final report on the United Nations' oil-for-food program accused more than 2,200 companies, along with major politicians, of working with Saddam Hussein to swindle almost $2 billion from the program. Proving that you can eat your cake and starve other people, too.
Sorry to say
Rosa Parks died on Monday at the age of 92.
The number of American troops killed in the Iraq war hit 2,000 on Tuesday.
But now for some good news
The Chicago White Sox swept the World Series, winning the title for the first time since 1917. But to be honest, that entry on the Federal Reserve was more interesting.
On Thursday, Harriet Miers, whom Bush had picked for the Supreme Court, withdrew her nomination before confirmation hearings had even begun. Miers had come under fire from both parties for not seeming to have an opinion on anything -- except how totally dreamy Bush is.
On Friday, I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby, the vice president's chief of staff, resigned after he was indicted in the investigation of who leaked CIA agent Valerie Plame's identity. After the whole "Brownie" debacle, this was strike two against guys with elementary school nicknames in positions of power. And it doesn't bode well for Scott "Snot" McClellan...
Mother Nature is still on the war path with Hurricane Beta battering Nicaragua on Sunday. And Hurricane Wilma hit southern Florida on Monday as a Category 3 storm, cutting power to 6 million people, causing a lot of flooding and killing 10. The storm's strength surprised many people who had chosen not to evacuate.
Gee ... if only there had been some past event to indicate that we should be taking hurricanes seriously ... oh, if only ...
The president of Iran said Wednesday that Israel should be "wiped off the map." So ... does this mean we're not going to have peace in the Middle East soon?
Boring but important
To be the next chairman of the Federal Reserve Board, President Bush nominated Ben Bernanke. If confirmed, he would replace Alan Greenspan who is retiring in ... oh, hell, I lost you at Federal Reserve, didn't I?
The final report on the United Nations' oil-for-food program accused more than 2,200 companies, along with major politicians, of working with Saddam Hussein to swindle almost $2 billion from the program. Proving that you can eat your cake and starve other people, too.
Sorry to say
Rosa Parks died on Monday at the age of 92.
The number of American troops killed in the Iraq war hit 2,000 on Tuesday.
But now for some good news
The Chicago White Sox swept the World Series, winning the title for the first time since 1917. But to be honest, that entry on the Federal Reserve was more interesting.
Saturday, October 29, 2005
Trick or treat
So here's my Halloween costume. I've yet to decide if I will attempt an Antonio Banderas accent for the evening. (But anyone who's familiar with my accents knows that's a gamble. It sounds great in my head, but usually comes out as totally unplaceable -- I could be Scottish, Australian, British, Indian, or all of the above and more!)
I think this may be Zorro's senior high school portrait:
On a totally unrelated note, don't forget to set your clocks back an hour tonight for the end of daylight-saving time. And while you're at it, replace the batteries in those smoke detectors.*
*This public service announcement has been brought to you by the letter Z.
I think this may be Zorro's senior high school portrait:
On a totally unrelated note, don't forget to set your clocks back an hour tonight for the end of daylight-saving time. And while you're at it, replace the batteries in those smoke detectors.*
*This public service announcement has been brought to you by the letter Z.
Friday, October 28, 2005
Post-midnight snack
This is how out of whack my sleep schedule has become:
It's 3 a.m. and I'm making brownies.
Why? No reason -- I'm just hungry, and they sound tasty.
I just got back from going out after work and then helping a friend get heat in her apartment because I have more experience with radiators than I care to. (Although it's debatable whether heat is really needed. I wore a long-sleeve shirt for the first time all season on Monday. In Duluth, I'd probably have already broken out my heavy coat.) This is the same friend whose apartment building basement I had to break into using a credit card the other week so I could check the fuse box. I'm beginning to wonder if I should charge her landlord for maintenance.
Anyhow, what else have I been up to? Those who know what a picky eater I am will be pleased to hear that I went out to dinner the other night with a bunch a friends and we went to a Burmese restaurant. I couldn't tell you what makes Burmese food Burmese, but it's pretty similar to Indian. I had chicken and lightly fried potatoes in an onion-curry sauce, as I believe the menu described it, and it was totally delicious. Of course, it's also a glorified version of meat and potatoes, so I would.
I also stopped by an IKEA to pick up a chair that a couple of people I know have and that I've been wanting to get for some time. I haven't put it together yet, but I'm sure it will be everything I've hoped for. I even got a footstool. It will become my new reading chair.
And that's about it. I made pasta and scallops, with stir-fried carrots and sugar snap peas last week. Except I didn't care for the carrot and pea part of it, so I mostly just ate pasta and scallops, which were most excellent.
I think I've pulled everything together for my Halloween costume. I'll post pictures over the weekend. (No, I'm not telling what I'm going to be before then.)
Now if you'll excuse me, I have an episode of "Alias" to watch so I can find out if I'm right about who's in the box. (My guess: Vaughn's father.) Plus, my brownies are almost done ...
It's 3 a.m. and I'm making brownies.
Why? No reason -- I'm just hungry, and they sound tasty.
I just got back from going out after work and then helping a friend get heat in her apartment because I have more experience with radiators than I care to. (Although it's debatable whether heat is really needed. I wore a long-sleeve shirt for the first time all season on Monday. In Duluth, I'd probably have already broken out my heavy coat.) This is the same friend whose apartment building basement I had to break into using a credit card the other week so I could check the fuse box. I'm beginning to wonder if I should charge her landlord for maintenance.
Anyhow, what else have I been up to? Those who know what a picky eater I am will be pleased to hear that I went out to dinner the other night with a bunch a friends and we went to a Burmese restaurant. I couldn't tell you what makes Burmese food Burmese, but it's pretty similar to Indian. I had chicken and lightly fried potatoes in an onion-curry sauce, as I believe the menu described it, and it was totally delicious. Of course, it's also a glorified version of meat and potatoes, so I would.
I also stopped by an IKEA to pick up a chair that a couple of people I know have and that I've been wanting to get for some time. I haven't put it together yet, but I'm sure it will be everything I've hoped for. I even got a footstool. It will become my new reading chair.
And that's about it. I made pasta and scallops, with stir-fried carrots and sugar snap peas last week. Except I didn't care for the carrot and pea part of it, so I mostly just ate pasta and scallops, which were most excellent.
I think I've pulled everything together for my Halloween costume. I'll post pictures over the weekend. (No, I'm not telling what I'm going to be before then.)
Now if you'll excuse me, I have an episode of "Alias" to watch so I can find out if I'm right about who's in the box. (My guess: Vaughn's father.) Plus, my brownies are almost done ...
Monday, October 24, 2005
News in a nutshell: Oct. 17-23
Saddam Hussein's trial began last week with him pleading not guilty and Hurricane Wilma battered Cancun and Mexico's Yucatan Peninsula over the weekend before heading to southern Florida on its apparent tour of spring break destinations before it likely meets up with Tropical Storm Alpha somewhere in the Atlantic. But at this point, what more is there to say about hurricanes? Get over it, Mother Nature. If you want to wow us, why don't you try bringing back the dinosaurs or something. Otherwise, we're no longer impressed.
Otherwise, I'd like to bring your attention to the following overlooked story out of last week's news:
A North Carolina teacher's aide was accused of biting a second-grader after the student bit her. The student later assaulted a second teacher. I know this may sound like a typical disciplinary problem to the untrained eye, but I'll tell you what's really going on here: zombie outbreak.
Yep, zombies.
And sure, some people say, "Hey, it's not the kid's fault that he's a zombie." And that's true. But it still doesn't mean that you shouldn't quarantine the kid, or shoot him in the head.
You can't afford to be lax about this sort of thing because as soon as you start letting zombies play with other kids, before you know it, you've got a playground full of brain-eating, undead children. That's why I think schools should have zero-tolerance policies against zombies. But you know what? Most schools don't. And that, my friends, is a tragedy waiting to happen.
Otherwise, I'd like to bring your attention to the following overlooked story out of last week's news:
A North Carolina teacher's aide was accused of biting a second-grader after the student bit her. The student later assaulted a second teacher. I know this may sound like a typical disciplinary problem to the untrained eye, but I'll tell you what's really going on here: zombie outbreak.
Yep, zombies.
And sure, some people say, "Hey, it's not the kid's fault that he's a zombie." And that's true. But it still doesn't mean that you shouldn't quarantine the kid, or shoot him in the head.
You can't afford to be lax about this sort of thing because as soon as you start letting zombies play with other kids, before you know it, you've got a playground full of brain-eating, undead children. That's why I think schools should have zero-tolerance policies against zombies. But you know what? Most schools don't. And that, my friends, is a tragedy waiting to happen.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Funny things
Monday night was the first night of "The Colbert Report" with Stephen Colbert of "The Daily Show" on Comedy Central. The show is basically a spoof of all the know-it-all pundits out there. The premiere was fantastically funny, especially when he had the "gravitas" competition with Stone Phillips. The second night wasn't as great but still good, and I'll be interested to see if he can keep the momentum and comedy up, but so far, I'm looking forward to it.
If you want to know just how important a trailer can be to the image of a movie, check this out. It's a recut trailer for "The Shining" made as if the movie were a feel-good father-son bonding flick.
If you want to know just how important a trailer can be to the image of a movie, check this out. It's a recut trailer for "The Shining" made as if the movie were a feel-good father-son bonding flick.
Monday, October 17, 2005
News in a nutshell: Oct. 10-16
Sound smart
As of Sunday, the tally of Iraq's referendum indicated that the draft constitution would pass. President Bush praised the preliminary results saying, "Democracies are peaceful countries." Because we all know that after the United States broke away from England and established its democracy, we've been peaceful ever since ...
Experts say a strain of dog flu is spreading across the country, with about 5 percent of the dogs dying and no vaccine available. I blame cats.
A report by the Miami Herald found that the National Hurricane Center has been plagued by budget problems and faulty equipment. For example: Weather probes dropped into storms fail half the time in strong winds -- which is what they're supposed to measure! And you know that Doppler radar you hear so much about? It has a tendency to die in ... wait for it ... severe weather.
For frick's sake.
Boring, but important
Inflation jumped in September by the biggest increase in about 25 years. I'd offer a penny for your thoughts, but I hear they're a dime now.
Sorry to say
The death toll from the earthquake in Pakistan has jumped to 54,000. And millions are homeless and without shelter as the cold of winter quickly approaches. To help, CNN has a list of organizations you can donate to here.
What the ...?!?
A recent survey indicates that Americans are -- surprise! -- getting ruder. Seventy percent of those surveyed thought people were ruder now than 20 or 30 years ago. But only 8 percent said they had used their cell phones in a loud or annoying manner around others, which proves that we're not only rude, we're liars.
The world's oldest known noodles have been found in China. And the guy who's waited 4,000 years for his takeout is pissed.
An Arkansas couple recently gave birth to their 16th child. And they plan to have more. You know what? We get it, guys! You're fertile! Very, very fertile! Stop trying to overcompensate.
A misplaced decimal led a Nebraska gas station to sell gas for 29 cents per gallon. Well, sure, that may seem cheap, but a soda there will cost you $100.
As of Sunday, the tally of Iraq's referendum indicated that the draft constitution would pass. President Bush praised the preliminary results saying, "Democracies are peaceful countries." Because we all know that after the United States broke away from England and established its democracy, we've been peaceful ever since ...
Experts say a strain of dog flu is spreading across the country, with about 5 percent of the dogs dying and no vaccine available. I blame cats.
A report by the Miami Herald found that the National Hurricane Center has been plagued by budget problems and faulty equipment. For example: Weather probes dropped into storms fail half the time in strong winds -- which is what they're supposed to measure! And you know that Doppler radar you hear so much about? It has a tendency to die in ... wait for it ... severe weather.
For frick's sake.
Boring, but important
Inflation jumped in September by the biggest increase in about 25 years. I'd offer a penny for your thoughts, but I hear they're a dime now.
Sorry to say
The death toll from the earthquake in Pakistan has jumped to 54,000. And millions are homeless and without shelter as the cold of winter quickly approaches. To help, CNN has a list of organizations you can donate to here.
What the ...?!?
A recent survey indicates that Americans are -- surprise! -- getting ruder. Seventy percent of those surveyed thought people were ruder now than 20 or 30 years ago. But only 8 percent said they had used their cell phones in a loud or annoying manner around others, which proves that we're not only rude, we're liars.
The world's oldest known noodles have been found in China. And the guy who's waited 4,000 years for his takeout is pissed.
An Arkansas couple recently gave birth to their 16th child. And they plan to have more. You know what? We get it, guys! You're fertile! Very, very fertile! Stop trying to overcompensate.
A misplaced decimal led a Nebraska gas station to sell gas for 29 cents per gallon. Well, sure, that may seem cheap, but a soda there will cost you $100.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
I just gotta not be me
I'm not much of a holiday person. I don't know if it's because I work most holidays or what, but I just don't get really excited about them. But Halloween is coming up and I'm in need of a costume idea. I don't usually dress up for Halloween; I don't usually need to. The last party I went to where I needed a costume, a few female friends came up with the idea, found the costume and gave it to me. All I had to do was wear it for the party. (I was the Karate Kid, if you were wondering.) But now a friend from work is throwing a big Halloween bash and costumes are required, even for those of us who will be arriving around midnight after work. I suggested that I could go as a copy editor who just got off of work, but that didn't fly. Then I suggested I could be a slutty copy editor who just got off of work, but that quickly got knocked down, too.
The only idea I've come up with so far is going as Clark Kent, mild-mannered reporter, and occasionally disappearing during the party, changing into Superman, and coming back, pretending as if I'm a totally different person. I could do something heroic like get a drink for someone, and then rush off, hurry back into the party as Clark Kent and ask, "What did I miss?" And keep doing that sort of thing all night. But I sense this is a better idea in theory than in practice. It would probably be more of a hassle than anything else, and because I'll be getting to the party so late, I think most of the people might be too drunk to appreciate the joke. Plus, while I have a Superman T-shirt, I'm lacking the rest of the ensemble.
So it's come down to this: I'm soliciting suggestions.
If it's something that doesn't require a ton of effort or money -- or me shaving my head -- that would be a plus.
The only idea I've come up with so far is going as Clark Kent, mild-mannered reporter, and occasionally disappearing during the party, changing into Superman, and coming back, pretending as if I'm a totally different person. I could do something heroic like get a drink for someone, and then rush off, hurry back into the party as Clark Kent and ask, "What did I miss?" And keep doing that sort of thing all night. But I sense this is a better idea in theory than in practice. It would probably be more of a hassle than anything else, and because I'll be getting to the party so late, I think most of the people might be too drunk to appreciate the joke. Plus, while I have a Superman T-shirt, I'm lacking the rest of the ensemble.
So it's come down to this: I'm soliciting suggestions.
If it's something that doesn't require a ton of effort or money -- or me shaving my head -- that would be a plus.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Belated news in a nutshell: Oct. 3-9
Signs of the coming apocalypse
It was clear last week that Mother Nature is pissed off, and she's not going to take it anymore.
It started with Central America, where Hurricane Stan caused massive flooding and mudslides. Then there was the earthquake and the volcano eruption in the region. Everything but Godzilla. Entire villages buried under mud have been abandoned and declared mass graveyards. It's believed that more than 2,000 have died from the disasters.
And while we're on hurricanes, we have only one name left on the list before we have to go to the Greek alphabet for the first time. Hurricane Vince formed in unusually cold water and headed toward Spain/Portugal, which it had heard were nice this time of year.
And there was Saturday's massive 7.6 earthquake in the Pakistan region, the death toll from which stands at more than 35,000 and is likely to continue to rise.
But Mother Nature isn't just striking out with major natural disasters. Besides the perennial primate problem, Mom Nature is sending her cronies the birds after us. Studies have estimated that as many as 2 million Americans could die in a flu pandemic, such as could happen if avian flu begins to spread more easily between humans. To help prevent this from happening, officials are strongly urging people to stop making out with chickens.
Come on, they don't even have lips.
Last week, President Bush named Harriet Miers as his choice to replace Sandra Day O'Connor on the Supreme Court. Predictably, there was criticism because she is a close friend of Bush but not a judge and because her political leanings are unclear. All of this usual criticism came from ... umm ... conservatives?!? That can't be right...
I'm telling you, guys, we're THIS close to fire and brimstone coming down from the skies, rivers and seas boiling, forty years of darkness, the dead rising from the grave, human sacrifice, cats and dogs living together ...
It ain't gonna be pretty.
Although the part where the monkeys take over the world could be pretty fun.
But now for some good news
The baseball playoffs began to provide some excitement after the Houston Astros ended the Atlanta Braves' season on Sunday in an 18-inning barn burner. Then the White Sox won a playoff series for the first time since the days of Shoeless Joe Jackson. The team had been considered cursed since it threw the 1919 World Series. The White Sox beat defending champions the Boston Red Sox, who had beaten their own curse last year.
Clearly, curses just aren't what they used to be.
What the ...?!?
A python was found in the Everglades with an alligator protruding from its belly after it had apparently tried to eat the gator whole, leading to both of their deaths. Scientists call it alarming because of the python's encroachment in a nonnative area.
Fox calls it new fall programming: "When Animals Attack Other Animals That Attack!"
It was clear last week that Mother Nature is pissed off, and she's not going to take it anymore.
It started with Central America, where Hurricane Stan caused massive flooding and mudslides. Then there was the earthquake and the volcano eruption in the region. Everything but Godzilla. Entire villages buried under mud have been abandoned and declared mass graveyards. It's believed that more than 2,000 have died from the disasters.
And while we're on hurricanes, we have only one name left on the list before we have to go to the Greek alphabet for the first time. Hurricane Vince formed in unusually cold water and headed toward Spain/Portugal, which it had heard were nice this time of year.
And there was Saturday's massive 7.6 earthquake in the Pakistan region, the death toll from which stands at more than 35,000 and is likely to continue to rise.
But Mother Nature isn't just striking out with major natural disasters. Besides the perennial primate problem, Mom Nature is sending her cronies the birds after us. Studies have estimated that as many as 2 million Americans could die in a flu pandemic, such as could happen if avian flu begins to spread more easily between humans. To help prevent this from happening, officials are strongly urging people to stop making out with chickens.
Come on, they don't even have lips.
Last week, President Bush named Harriet Miers as his choice to replace Sandra Day O'Connor on the Supreme Court. Predictably, there was criticism because she is a close friend of Bush but not a judge and because her political leanings are unclear. All of this usual criticism came from ... umm ... conservatives?!? That can't be right...
I'm telling you, guys, we're THIS close to fire and brimstone coming down from the skies, rivers and seas boiling, forty years of darkness, the dead rising from the grave, human sacrifice, cats and dogs living together ...
It ain't gonna be pretty.
Although the part where the monkeys take over the world could be pretty fun.
But now for some good news
The baseball playoffs began to provide some excitement after the Houston Astros ended the Atlanta Braves' season on Sunday in an 18-inning barn burner. Then the White Sox won a playoff series for the first time since the days of Shoeless Joe Jackson. The team had been considered cursed since it threw the 1919 World Series. The White Sox beat defending champions the Boston Red Sox, who had beaten their own curse last year.
Clearly, curses just aren't what they used to be.
What the ...?!?
A python was found in the Everglades with an alligator protruding from its belly after it had apparently tried to eat the gator whole, leading to both of their deaths. Scientists call it alarming because of the python's encroachment in a nonnative area.
Fox calls it new fall programming: "When Animals Attack Other Animals That Attack!"
Monday, October 10, 2005
Serenity soap box
News in a nutshell will be forthcoming either later this week or, if you're really lucky, maybe you'll get an expanded edition next week! Woohoo! I know you're excited; try not to hide it.
Anyhow, I saw "Serenity" for the second time this weekend and was pleasantly surprised that the theater on Sunday afternoon was pretty much full -- and with a lot of families and older adults. I even heard a group of women on the way out discussing how many times they had cried during the movie. (General consensus: 4) So even the ladies love it. It just goes to show that the movie has broad appeal, even if you're not a Joss Whedon or "Firefly" fan. I'm just saying, in case that's what was holding you back...
In other movie news, my review of the new "Wallace and Gromit" movie is up at Gig Matrix.
Anyhow, I saw "Serenity" for the second time this weekend and was pleasantly surprised that the theater on Sunday afternoon was pretty much full -- and with a lot of families and older adults. I even heard a group of women on the way out discussing how many times they had cried during the movie. (General consensus: 4) So even the ladies love it. It just goes to show that the movie has broad appeal, even if you're not a Joss Whedon or "Firefly" fan. I'm just saying, in case that's what was holding you back...
In other movie news, my review of the new "Wallace and Gromit" movie is up at Gig Matrix.
Saturday, October 08, 2005
Running through my mind
I was supposed to run a 5K this morning. It was to benefit hurricane relief efforts and would be in the local botanical gardens. But it was raining (as it has been for the past day and a half), and the three of us at work who had decided to do this had decided last night: "If it's raining, screw that. Sprinkling, fine. But pouring rain, no way, not fun."
Not that I think waking up at 6:30 a.m. to run a 5K on 4 hours of sleep when I'm in crap shape is all that fun anyhow. But hey, it was for charity. I have to admit, though, when I woke up and saw that it was raining, I was a little happy. I'd already paid the registration fee online, so it's not like I was depriving the Red Cross of money or anything. And it let me go back to sleep.
Then I dreamed (something I rarely remember doing) about being a soldier in "The Lord of the Rings" who was fighting bad guys in Middle Earth while eating Chinese takeout.
Whacked out crap like this is why I usually think it's best that I don't remember my dreams.
Not that I think waking up at 6:30 a.m. to run a 5K on 4 hours of sleep when I'm in crap shape is all that fun anyhow. But hey, it was for charity. I have to admit, though, when I woke up and saw that it was raining, I was a little happy. I'd already paid the registration fee online, so it's not like I was depriving the Red Cross of money or anything. And it let me go back to sleep.
Then I dreamed (something I rarely remember doing) about being a soldier in "The Lord of the Rings" who was fighting bad guys in Middle Earth while eating Chinese takeout.
Whacked out crap like this is why I usually think it's best that I don't remember my dreams.
Thursday, October 06, 2005
A nickel for your thoughts
A few random comments:
1) I've got a breakdown of a lot of the new fall TV shows up on Gig Matrix if you're interested.
2) Does anyone else think the buffalo on the back of the new nickel is a little too anatomically correct? (It's a male buffalo, by the way.) Some things, like Bat suits with nipples, just shouldn't be that true to nature.
3) Lest you worry, the cooking odyssey is still going well. On this week's menu was apricot-sauced pork medallions (with rice and chocolate chip cookies for dessert). It was easy and tasty. Although I still don't really know what it means when it says to make the pork into medallions. But I did get to use a meat tenderizer. And that was fun. More meals should involve beating meat ... er, pounding loins ... I mean ... whacking ... no ... hitting your food with a mallet. Yes, that's it. I think it taps into a guy's inner caveman. It's like clubbing your dinner to death but without having to hunt it down first.
1) I've got a breakdown of a lot of the new fall TV shows up on Gig Matrix if you're interested.
2) Does anyone else think the buffalo on the back of the new nickel is a little too anatomically correct? (It's a male buffalo, by the way.) Some things, like Bat suits with nipples, just shouldn't be that true to nature.
3) Lest you worry, the cooking odyssey is still going well. On this week's menu was apricot-sauced pork medallions (with rice and chocolate chip cookies for dessert). It was easy and tasty. Although I still don't really know what it means when it says to make the pork into medallions. But I did get to use a meat tenderizer. And that was fun. More meals should involve beating meat ... er, pounding loins ... I mean ... whacking ... no ... hitting your food with a mallet. Yes, that's it. I think it taps into a guy's inner caveman. It's like clubbing your dinner to death but without having to hunt it down first.
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Lions and tickets and bears, oh my!
A day after President Bush urged Americans to drive less, I took a six-hour drive to South Carolina to visit Southern Belle and Daisy. I got my first speeding ticket not long into the drive. (By that, I mean it was my first speeding ticket ever, not the first of many speeding tickets for the trip.) I was in the midst of a bunch of small towns notorious for making most of their money off of ticketing motorists on their way to the major southbound interstate. Dumb move on my part.
I was very pleasant with the officer, but apparently I took it unusually well because after he gave me the ticket he said, "Uhh ... can I ask you something? Are you always this happy?"
Me: "Umm..."
Officer: "Because you are, by far, the happiest person I've pulled over today. Are you just sort of a happy-go-lucky kind of person?"
Me: "I don't know. I guess. I figured the ticket was sort of inevitable after you pulled me over, so no sense getting mad about it."
Officer: "Huh. All right..."
Then he told me where there would be more cops ahead, I asked him how long till the junction with the interstate and we both went on our ways. I have to say the overall experience was far more pleasant than I thought it would be. Even though niceness is apparently not nearly as effective at getting you out of a ticket as crying or cleavage.
Anyhow, the trip was good -- the right balance between low-key and activity that makes you feel like you were actually on a short vacation rather than a whirlwind of activity that leaves wishing you could have a vacation after your vacation. I discovered several things:
1) Daisy is still a good pool hustler, even though if she wants to hit that cue ball into the pocket, then by golly, she'll do it with authority.
2) Columbia is apparently quite proud of chickens (there are a lot of sports mascots named after poultry), the Confederate flag and its library, which is absolutely huge and supernice.
3) Random children on a class field trip will go up to two complete strangers throwing a Frisbee in the park and join in. And they will never get tired, no matter how ragged the adults are run. (OK, how ragged the other adult is run. I mostly watched and laughed.)
4) You may be able to drink all night and into the morning at a bar in Columbia, but trying to find a place to get an ice cream cone at 10:30 p.m. is dang near impossible.
I also had lunch at a place where apparently President Bush once ate a hamburger and mixed it up with the regular folk. I think they've since had that table bronzed.
And I went to the local zoo, which is suprisingly good for a city of Columbia's size. There are lots of interactive exhibits and opportunities to feed the animals, including the giraffes, which is pretty cool. And they have a glass wall next to the gorilla exhibit so that you can sit next to the great apes, even the ones with anger management issues. And if you're a small child, you can sit and point at the gorilla and say, "Monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey ..." repeatedly for, like, 15 minutes. As Southern Belle pointed out, if you know the word "monkey," how often do you actually get to use it correctly? It's apparently quite exciting.
You can also watch one Galapagos giant tortoise try to hump another tortoise from the totally wrong direction (the side, in case you were wondering); leading me to question how Darwin came up with his theory. You can watch the zoo keepers feed a variety of animals, including sea lions, which do tricks, and penguins, which are just funny to watch. They also have koalas -- and those cuddly guys never get old.
All in all, pretty cool.
I was very pleasant with the officer, but apparently I took it unusually well because after he gave me the ticket he said, "Uhh ... can I ask you something? Are you always this happy?"
Me: "Umm..."
Officer: "Because you are, by far, the happiest person I've pulled over today. Are you just sort of a happy-go-lucky kind of person?"
Me: "I don't know. I guess. I figured the ticket was sort of inevitable after you pulled me over, so no sense getting mad about it."
Officer: "Huh. All right..."
Then he told me where there would be more cops ahead, I asked him how long till the junction with the interstate and we both went on our ways. I have to say the overall experience was far more pleasant than I thought it would be. Even though niceness is apparently not nearly as effective at getting you out of a ticket as crying or cleavage.
Anyhow, the trip was good -- the right balance between low-key and activity that makes you feel like you were actually on a short vacation rather than a whirlwind of activity that leaves wishing you could have a vacation after your vacation. I discovered several things:
1) Daisy is still a good pool hustler, even though if she wants to hit that cue ball into the pocket, then by golly, she'll do it with authority.
2) Columbia is apparently quite proud of chickens (there are a lot of sports mascots named after poultry), the Confederate flag and its library, which is absolutely huge and supernice.
3) Random children on a class field trip will go up to two complete strangers throwing a Frisbee in the park and join in. And they will never get tired, no matter how ragged the adults are run. (OK, how ragged the other adult is run. I mostly watched and laughed.)
4) You may be able to drink all night and into the morning at a bar in Columbia, but trying to find a place to get an ice cream cone at 10:30 p.m. is dang near impossible.
I also had lunch at a place where apparently President Bush once ate a hamburger and mixed it up with the regular folk. I think they've since had that table bronzed.
And I went to the local zoo, which is suprisingly good for a city of Columbia's size. There are lots of interactive exhibits and opportunities to feed the animals, including the giraffes, which is pretty cool. And they have a glass wall next to the gorilla exhibit so that you can sit next to the great apes, even the ones with anger management issues. And if you're a small child, you can sit and point at the gorilla and say, "Monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey ..." repeatedly for, like, 15 minutes. As Southern Belle pointed out, if you know the word "monkey," how often do you actually get to use it correctly? It's apparently quite exciting.
You can also watch one Galapagos giant tortoise try to hump another tortoise from the totally wrong direction (the side, in case you were wondering); leading me to question how Darwin came up with his theory. You can watch the zoo keepers feed a variety of animals, including sea lions, which do tricks, and penguins, which are just funny to watch. They also have koalas -- and those cuddly guys never get old.
All in all, pretty cool.
Monday, October 03, 2005
News in a nutshell: Sept. 26-Oct. 2
Sound smart
The Senate confirmed John Roberts as chief justice of the United States on Thursday by a 78-22 vote. Roberts, 50, is the youngest chief justice since John Marshall in 1801. Unfortunately, this has led to some hazing from the other justices, who forced Roberts to wear a diaper and hoisted him up the flag pole outside the Supreme Court.
By Sunday, firefighters had gained a fair amount of control over several fires raging in Southern California, some of which threatened Los Angeles. So for those of you keeping count of natural disasters, that's a hurricane that wiped out New Orleans and a fire that's threatening Los Angeles. We're one giant monster away from me being convinced that we're all inside some kid's SimCity game.
Bush last week urged Americans to drive less and conserve energy. This was bad news for anyone who relies on geothermal heating as I'm pretty sure Hell just froze over.
Boring, but important
Rep. Tom DeLay stepped down as House majority leader Wednesday after being indicted on a conspiracy charge, accused of illegally funneling money from corporations to Republican candidates for the Texas Legislature. DeLay denied any wrongdoing saying that between this most recent accusation and the three times he was admonished last year by the House ethics committee, he was tired of the "blame game" and just wanted to get back to the business of getting that promised aid to the Republican candidates who so desperately need it.
The House passed a major revision of the Endangered Species Act. The bill would require property owners to be paid if their development is foiled by those pesky endangered animals, puts political appointees in charge of making scientific decisions and gives the government a smaller role in protecting habitat. All of which is aimed at protecting the most endangered species of all:
The property developer.
Sorry to say
Three suicide bombers killed at least 22 people in Bali, Indonesia, over the weekend. But because their heads were found intact, investigators have been showing pictures of the severed heads on TV and in the papers in the hopes that someone can identify them.
Ewww. That's all. Just ewww.
And now for some good news
International monitors say the IRA has destroyed its arsenal of weapons. Of course, this may require the Irish Republican Army to change its name, because what kind of an army doesn't have weapons?
(Answer: A Canadian army)
What the ...?!?
Gorillas in the wild have been observed using tools for the first time. They appeared to be making swords and fashioning armor for themselves. But I'm sure there's no reason to worry...
A veterinarian successfully removed a 13-inch long knife from the stomach of a St. Bernard puppy that had eaten it. For the puppy's next trick, it will juggle flaming bowling pins, while riding a unicycle.
The Supreme Court agreed to hear Anna Nicole Smith's appeal to get part of the inheritance of her late husband, whom she married when he was 89 and she was 26. But no matter how the court rules, Anna Nicole Smith will have the opportunity to cavort with a bunch of wealthy, elderly men, and the justices will have a chance to do the same with her. So really, everyone wins.
More theater of the absurd in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina:
Last week, Louisiana politicians sought $40 billion for projects by the Army Corps of Engineers. However, many of these projects have nothing to do with preventing flooding or providing hurricane relief and were recommended by a panel made up largely of ... wait for it ... corporate lobbyists. The proposal would also exempt the projects from any pesky environmental laws and forgo cost-sharing so that federal taxpayers pick up the whole tab. Some of the projects not related to the hurricane that would be financed: a 50-year-old plan to create a lock in the New Orleans Industrial Canal, deepening a port for oil and gas tankers, and providing a pony to every resident of Louisiana who moves back into the area.
On Tuesday, former FEMA Director Michael "Brownie" Brown told a congressional panel, "My biggest mistake was not recognizing by Saturday that Louisiana was dysfunctional." Proving yet again just how out of touch with reality he has been.
Of all the tales of needed supplies or volunteers that were turned back or left unused, perhaps the most interesting is the journey of about 182 million pounds of ice, about 59 percent of which went unused. One truck driver's route, which was not uncommon, went like this: He picked up the ice in Greenville, Pa., went to Carthage, Mo., where he was diverted to Montgomery, Ala., where he was sent to Camp Shelby, Miss., where he was sent to Selma, Ala., after which he spent a week in Emporia, Va. He was then finally sent to Fremont, Neb., where he unloaded the ice in a government-rented storage freezer.
Total miles traveled: 4,177
Amount driver was paid: $4,500
Amount of ice delivered: 0
The job that Brownie, FEMA and all levels of government have done in response to Katrina: priceless
The Senate confirmed John Roberts as chief justice of the United States on Thursday by a 78-22 vote. Roberts, 50, is the youngest chief justice since John Marshall in 1801. Unfortunately, this has led to some hazing from the other justices, who forced Roberts to wear a diaper and hoisted him up the flag pole outside the Supreme Court.
By Sunday, firefighters had gained a fair amount of control over several fires raging in Southern California, some of which threatened Los Angeles. So for those of you keeping count of natural disasters, that's a hurricane that wiped out New Orleans and a fire that's threatening Los Angeles. We're one giant monster away from me being convinced that we're all inside some kid's SimCity game.
Bush last week urged Americans to drive less and conserve energy. This was bad news for anyone who relies on geothermal heating as I'm pretty sure Hell just froze over.
Boring, but important
Rep. Tom DeLay stepped down as House majority leader Wednesday after being indicted on a conspiracy charge, accused of illegally funneling money from corporations to Republican candidates for the Texas Legislature. DeLay denied any wrongdoing saying that between this most recent accusation and the three times he was admonished last year by the House ethics committee, he was tired of the "blame game" and just wanted to get back to the business of getting that promised aid to the Republican candidates who so desperately need it.
The House passed a major revision of the Endangered Species Act. The bill would require property owners to be paid if their development is foiled by those pesky endangered animals, puts political appointees in charge of making scientific decisions and gives the government a smaller role in protecting habitat. All of which is aimed at protecting the most endangered species of all:
The property developer.
Sorry to say
Three suicide bombers killed at least 22 people in Bali, Indonesia, over the weekend. But because their heads were found intact, investigators have been showing pictures of the severed heads on TV and in the papers in the hopes that someone can identify them.
Ewww. That's all. Just ewww.
And now for some good news
International monitors say the IRA has destroyed its arsenal of weapons. Of course, this may require the Irish Republican Army to change its name, because what kind of an army doesn't have weapons?
(Answer: A Canadian army)
What the ...?!?
Gorillas in the wild have been observed using tools for the first time. They appeared to be making swords and fashioning armor for themselves. But I'm sure there's no reason to worry...
A veterinarian successfully removed a 13-inch long knife from the stomach of a St. Bernard puppy that had eaten it. For the puppy's next trick, it will juggle flaming bowling pins, while riding a unicycle.
The Supreme Court agreed to hear Anna Nicole Smith's appeal to get part of the inheritance of her late husband, whom she married when he was 89 and she was 26. But no matter how the court rules, Anna Nicole Smith will have the opportunity to cavort with a bunch of wealthy, elderly men, and the justices will have a chance to do the same with her. So really, everyone wins.
More theater of the absurd in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina:
Last week, Louisiana politicians sought $40 billion for projects by the Army Corps of Engineers. However, many of these projects have nothing to do with preventing flooding or providing hurricane relief and were recommended by a panel made up largely of ... wait for it ... corporate lobbyists. The proposal would also exempt the projects from any pesky environmental laws and forgo cost-sharing so that federal taxpayers pick up the whole tab. Some of the projects not related to the hurricane that would be financed: a 50-year-old plan to create a lock in the New Orleans Industrial Canal, deepening a port for oil and gas tankers, and providing a pony to every resident of Louisiana who moves back into the area.
On Tuesday, former FEMA Director Michael "Brownie" Brown told a congressional panel, "My biggest mistake was not recognizing by Saturday that Louisiana was dysfunctional." Proving yet again just how out of touch with reality he has been.
Of all the tales of needed supplies or volunteers that were turned back or left unused, perhaps the most interesting is the journey of about 182 million pounds of ice, about 59 percent of which went unused. One truck driver's route, which was not uncommon, went like this: He picked up the ice in Greenville, Pa., went to Carthage, Mo., where he was diverted to Montgomery, Ala., where he was sent to Camp Shelby, Miss., where he was sent to Selma, Ala., after which he spent a week in Emporia, Va. He was then finally sent to Fremont, Neb., where he unloaded the ice in a government-rented storage freezer.
Total miles traveled: 4,177
Amount driver was paid: $4,500
Amount of ice delivered: 0
The job that Brownie, FEMA and all levels of government have done in response to Katrina: priceless
Sunday, October 02, 2005
And hold the salmonella
I was making a sandwich before work yesterday when I happened to look at the jar of mayonnaise and realized it had expired in January 2005.
I know, I know: Eeewwwwwww.
It should be noted that I don't use mayonnaise that often, so a small jar can last awhile, but I sniffed the mayo (seemed OK) and then tossed it. I figured I'd been lucky enough until now not to poison myself, no need to push it.
But I started thinking about it later and something is totally amiss with that expiration date. I didn't move until the end of February and I sure as heck didn't move the jar of mayonnaise with me, so I would have bought it at least a month after it supposedly expired -- leading me to believe that either the date was wrong or my local grocery store is selling expired food. (Farm Fresh my ass.)
Makes me glad I largely switched grocery stores -- the one I go to now has a much higher percentage of hotties roaming the aisles and, more importantly (OK, a little less importantly), it's not trying to kill me.
I know, I know: Eeewwwwwww.
It should be noted that I don't use mayonnaise that often, so a small jar can last awhile, but I sniffed the mayo (seemed OK) and then tossed it. I figured I'd been lucky enough until now not to poison myself, no need to push it.
But I started thinking about it later and something is totally amiss with that expiration date. I didn't move until the end of February and I sure as heck didn't move the jar of mayonnaise with me, so I would have bought it at least a month after it supposedly expired -- leading me to believe that either the date was wrong or my local grocery store is selling expired food. (Farm Fresh my ass.)
Makes me glad I largely switched grocery stores -- the one I go to now has a much higher percentage of hotties roaming the aisles and, more importantly (OK, a little less importantly), it's not trying to kill me.
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