Sound smart
Riots have spread throughout France over the past couple of weeks. About 7,000 cars have been set on fire, almost 2,000 people have been arrested so far and the government has imposed a curfew in many areas. The government was slow to respond to the unrest, partly because about 80 cars are torched throughout the country on a normal, peaceful night.
I tell you, kids these days ... Whatever happened to just cruising Main Street? You know, when I was a kid, we didn't have all these fancy Molotov cocktails and other flammable fuels. No, if we wanted to set fire to something, we had to use the sun and a magnifying glass ... in the snow! And by golly, we liked it that way!
President Bush nominated Sammy "The Gavel" Alito to replace Sandra Day O'Connor. Alito is expected to give senators an offer they can't refuse when confirmation hearings begin.
Pirates fired on a luxury cruiser liner off of Somalia, as armed bandits tried to board the ship. The cruise ship managed to escape but pirate attacks have been increasingly common off Somalia's borders. Word has it they're in search of booty, meaning they may not be pirates after all, just a bunch of frat boys.
Boring but important
The Kansas Board of Education voted 6-4 to approve new science standards that include intelligent design and, because intelligent design isn't really a science by definition, the board rewrote the definition of science.
I'm not joking.
In related news, Pat Robertson condemned the people of Dover, Pa., after they voted out School Board members who had sought to recognize intelligent design in schools. Robertson said the town shouldn't look to God for help when they start facing problems. I, for one, think Pat Robertson's existence pretty much debunks intelligent design and evolution. Is there a "survival of the craziest" theory?
Sorry to say
57 people were killed in three explosions at hotels in Jordan, prompting a call from the king of Jordan for an international war on terrorism.
Umm ... gee, why didn't anyone else think of that?!?
But now for some good news
The San Diego Zoo named its baby panda Su Lin, which translates as "A little bit of something very cute" in Chinese. And if that doesn't make you smile, then you are a cold, cold person...
On Wednesday, Bush awarded the Medal of Freedom to 14 people, including Muhammad Ali for being "The Greatest," Paul Rusesabagina for helping save hundreds of lives during the Rwandan genocide, and Andy Griffith for keeping crime down in Mayberry and solving so many difficult court room cases later in his career.
What the?!?
Denver voters last week approved a measure legalizing small amounts of marijuana. Mile High City jokes about how the city has gone to pot would just be too easy, so I'll just reefer you to the article here.
Police in northern Virginia are looking for a woman who has been robbing banks while talking on her cell phone. You know, it's a sad day when our society reaches the point that we're not even willing to give our full attention when robbing one another. A sad day indeed...
A man found a 1,400-pound meteorite on a Kansas farm. In unrelated news, a nearby farming couple have a new baby! I think we can expect some super things from that kid.
As traffic increases in Southern California, a group of geniuses has proposed building a major tunnel right next to a major fault line. I can see the made-for-TV disaster movie now ...
Scientists have debunked the idea of cow-tipping, saying it would take at least five people and some pretty improbable circumstances, the biggest of which is all five people being sober.
A Colorado man who says he was glued to a toilet seat in Home Depot and sued for $3 million passed a lie detector test after it was alleged he had made a similar claim in another town. If this guy is for real, then just remember: No matter how bad a day you might be having, it could be worse -- you could be the guy who keeps getting glued to the can.
A California man has begun a radio station for pets to listen to while their owners are out of the house. He started it, he said, because his cat told him to. After his first broadcast, the cat gave the man a treat and told him, "Good boy! Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?"
The California man is now working on mastering "shake hand."
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2 comments:
The unrest in France has settled down. They're down to 98 car burnings which is "about normal". It's good to hear that the unrest is under control. I'm impressed their government has actually lasted this long without managing to surrender. -Kevin
It's worth noting that the guy supposedly superglued to the toilet seat on one or more occasions is from Nederland, home of the frozen dead guy. It is rumored that his first sticky situation was in an outhouse in downtown Nederland during the annual "Frozen Dead Guy" races, a source of immense local pride during which people design vehicles resembling coffins on wheels and, with one team member dress as the frozen dead guy riding, race the vehicles down main street. This event is a favorite of beer companies everywhere.
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