Saddam Hussein's trial began last week with him pleading not guilty and Hurricane Wilma battered Cancun and Mexico's Yucatan Peninsula over the weekend before heading to southern Florida on its apparent tour of spring break destinations before it likely meets up with Tropical Storm Alpha somewhere in the Atlantic. But at this point, what more is there to say about hurricanes? Get over it, Mother Nature. If you want to wow us, why don't you try bringing back the dinosaurs or something. Otherwise, we're no longer impressed.
Otherwise, I'd like to bring your attention to the following overlooked story out of last week's news:
A North Carolina teacher's aide was accused of biting a second-grader after the student bit her. The student later assaulted a second teacher. I know this may sound like a typical disciplinary problem to the untrained eye, but I'll tell you what's really going on here: zombie outbreak.
Yep, zombies.
And sure, some people say, "Hey, it's not the kid's fault that he's a zombie." And that's true. But it still doesn't mean that you shouldn't quarantine the kid, or shoot him in the head.
You can't afford to be lax about this sort of thing because as soon as you start letting zombies play with other kids, before you know it, you've got a playground full of brain-eating, undead children. That's why I think schools should have zero-tolerance policies against zombies. But you know what? Most schools don't. And that, my friends, is a tragedy waiting to happen.
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3 comments:
oh, nostalgia. I really miss hearing about zombies. I think shooting children in the head is a great idea, and the only way to prevent more zombie children. Or children in general, for that matter.
Don't you think you're being just a little bit discriminatory? I mean, c'mon - don't zombies have just as much right to be undead as we do to be alive? Biting is just part of zombie culture. We should give the little tykes a break... and a zombies' rights parade *intolerant conservative grumble grumble*
Actually, mightybob, I believe zombies DO hold parades -- they walk down the street in large groups similar to a parade, at least. However, the parade "spectators" are actually called "the buffet."
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