I need to set up a photo album first, but then I'll catch you all up on what I've been up to the past few weeks. But in the meantime, Happy New Year! I'm not one usually inclined to make New Year's resolutions, believing as I do that every day is a perfectly fine opportunity for a new start. But I'm making a bit of an exception, in the hopes of perhaps holding myself a bit more accountable if I put these out there for everyone to see. So here are my goals for 2006 (feel free to share yours as well, if you want):
1) Take lessons and learn to play the guitar.
2) Learn some Spanish (and maybe refresh a little on my French) -- do this using my Spanish phrase-a-day calendar and Spanish language tapes.
3) Be better about keeping in touch with people -- don't let any e-mails go unanswered for more than a week (maybe two). And if it's been a couple of months since I've heard from a friend, drop them a note.
4) Blog more often. It doesn't always have to be about some big event or something funny (although it doesn't hurt).
5) Get back to going to the gym 5 days a week. If for some reason, I can't make it to the gym, stretch and jump rope.
6) Start practicing tai chi again on a regular basis.
7) Floss at least every other day.
8) Cook more.
9) Eat healthier -- keep track of what I eat everyday on www.mypyramid.gov/index.html to keep myself accountable.
10) Start the process for buying a house so that I can do that by the time my lease ends in February 2007.
11) Do more hiking, biking and other outdoor activities.
12) Get my Christmas cards from 2005 out. :-)
I'll let you know if I think of any others...
Saturday, December 31, 2005
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Merry Chrismakwanzakkuh
I'll update soon, but in the meantime, have a Merry Christmas!
As Tiny Tim said, "God bless us, every one."
As Tiny Tim said, "God bless us, every one."
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Celebratory Deathmatch
It appears a number of conservative Christians are upset about the White House's Christmas cards this year -- or rather "holiday" cards, as they do not specifically mention Christmas. But I mention this because of the following quote from the Rev. Bob Edgar, general secretary of the National Council of Churches and a former Democratic congressman:
"I think it's more important to put Christ back into our war planning than into our Christmas cards."
And he's right. I mean, more of generals should be asking themselves: WWJK? (Who would Jesus kill?) He was, after all, known for his immense skill in war game strategy. And there's no better stocking stuffer to give other countries than a crusade.
But it's possible he wasn't talking about wars such as the war on terrorism or the war in Iraq or the war on drugs (are we still fighting that?). Because the Heritage Foundation says there is a "war on Christmas." Although I don't think Christmas has either oil or weapons of mass destruction.
I'm assuming that Santa is leading the other side of this war against Baby Jesus. As any kid can tell you, rearrange the letters in "Santa" and you get "Satan" (they both wear red...). So that got me thinking: In an epic battle between Jesus and Santa, who would win? Let's look at the breakdown.
SPECIAL POWERS
Santa: Super stealth -- the guy can get into and out of any house undetected. Also, possibly super speed. And while he can't fly, his reindeer can.
Jesus: Walking on water, which will be handy when Jesus wants to get to Santa's North Pole lair. Also, healing and bringing the dead back to life, which is going to make it really hard to take down Jesus' army. Plus, if you kill him, he's just going to be back in three days.
Advantage: Jesus
POSSE
Santa: Nine reindeer that can fly and that have antlers, perfect for fly-by gougings. Elves -- even though they normally build toys, they could very well be capable of building more dangerous items. Also, they're small, which makes them harder to hit.
Jesus: 12 Apostles. They can ... umm, fish?
Advantage: Santa
TRAINING
Santa: I think it's obvious that Jelly Belly doesn't spend a lot of time in the off-season doing any physical training.
Jesus: A pretty fit guy; he does a lot of walking, including up and down mountains. And a wimp isn't going to be able to overturn the table of a moneychanger.
Advantage: Jesus
RESERVE ARMIES
Santa: The children love that guy.
Jesus: He did say, "Let the children come to me" so that could split that group of support. Also popular among lepers and tax collectors.
Advantage: Jesus, by the rotting skin of a leper's teeth.
ENDURANCE
Santa: Unless they've got a stockpile of fruit cakes in the North Pole, I'm pretty sure the elves can't make food. So in case of a long siege, those reindeer are probably going to start looking pretty tasty.
Jesus: He can multiply loaves and fishes. Also, getting wine out of a rock? Now that's a good morale booster for the troops.
Advantage: Jesus
HOME COURT ADVANTAGE
Santa: It's the North Frickin' Pole. And while the postman may be able to get there, I'm pretty sure the good people of Galilee would freeze to death.
Jesus: The Mediterranean. It's balmy. And Santa's been all around the world. He won't even break a sweat.
Advantage: Santa
BEST SURPRISE MOVE
Santa: One word -- Tannenbombs
Jesus: He expels the demons from a possessed person and sends them into the reindeer, who then drown themselves in the sea.
Advantage: Santa
SECRET WEAPON
Santa: He's got a sack that seems be infinite. So who knows what is in that thing.
Jesus: Dad.
Advantage: Jesus
WINNER: Sorry, Santa, it looks like Jesus is going to put the smackdown on you. Have you considered enlisting the help of the Easter Bunny?
"I think it's more important to put Christ back into our war planning than into our Christmas cards."
And he's right. I mean, more of generals should be asking themselves: WWJK? (Who would Jesus kill?) He was, after all, known for his immense skill in war game strategy. And there's no better stocking stuffer to give other countries than a crusade.
But it's possible he wasn't talking about wars such as the war on terrorism or the war in Iraq or the war on drugs (are we still fighting that?). Because the Heritage Foundation says there is a "war on Christmas." Although I don't think Christmas has either oil or weapons of mass destruction.
I'm assuming that Santa is leading the other side of this war against Baby Jesus. As any kid can tell you, rearrange the letters in "Santa" and you get "Satan" (they both wear red...). So that got me thinking: In an epic battle between Jesus and Santa, who would win? Let's look at the breakdown.
SPECIAL POWERS
Santa: Super stealth -- the guy can get into and out of any house undetected. Also, possibly super speed. And while he can't fly, his reindeer can.
Jesus: Walking on water, which will be handy when Jesus wants to get to Santa's North Pole lair. Also, healing and bringing the dead back to life, which is going to make it really hard to take down Jesus' army. Plus, if you kill him, he's just going to be back in three days.
Advantage: Jesus
POSSE
Santa: Nine reindeer that can fly and that have antlers, perfect for fly-by gougings. Elves -- even though they normally build toys, they could very well be capable of building more dangerous items. Also, they're small, which makes them harder to hit.
Jesus: 12 Apostles. They can ... umm, fish?
Advantage: Santa
TRAINING
Santa: I think it's obvious that Jelly Belly doesn't spend a lot of time in the off-season doing any physical training.
Jesus: A pretty fit guy; he does a lot of walking, including up and down mountains. And a wimp isn't going to be able to overturn the table of a moneychanger.
Advantage: Jesus
RESERVE ARMIES
Santa: The children love that guy.
Jesus: He did say, "Let the children come to me" so that could split that group of support. Also popular among lepers and tax collectors.
Advantage: Jesus, by the rotting skin of a leper's teeth.
ENDURANCE
Santa: Unless they've got a stockpile of fruit cakes in the North Pole, I'm pretty sure the elves can't make food. So in case of a long siege, those reindeer are probably going to start looking pretty tasty.
Jesus: He can multiply loaves and fishes. Also, getting wine out of a rock? Now that's a good morale booster for the troops.
Advantage: Jesus
HOME COURT ADVANTAGE
Santa: It's the North Frickin' Pole. And while the postman may be able to get there, I'm pretty sure the good people of Galilee would freeze to death.
Jesus: The Mediterranean. It's balmy. And Santa's been all around the world. He won't even break a sweat.
Advantage: Santa
BEST SURPRISE MOVE
Santa: One word -- Tannenbombs
Jesus: He expels the demons from a possessed person and sends them into the reindeer, who then drown themselves in the sea.
Advantage: Santa
SECRET WEAPON
Santa: He's got a sack that seems be infinite. So who knows what is in that thing.
Jesus: Dad.
Advantage: Jesus
WINNER: Sorry, Santa, it looks like Jesus is going to put the smackdown on you. Have you considered enlisting the help of the Easter Bunny?
Monday, December 05, 2005
Xtreme embarrassment
Work asked if anyone would be willing to write a short article on going snowboarding, so I volunteered. I've skied for a long time and have wanted to try snowboarding for a few years, but have never gotten around to it. I've never skateboarded and I'm not exactly the type to be thrashing down a half-pipe doing 360s and ollies or whatever while chugging Mountain Dew, but I figured it was a good excuse to give it a shot.
I went yesterday and this was pretty much how the day went:
7 a.m.: Alarm goes off. I had originally planned on driving out earlier to the ski resort, which is about three and a half hours away in western Virginia, but when I didn't get home from work until about 1 a.m. I thought better of it.
8:30: I'm finally on the road after having showered, eaten, gotten all my stuff together and stopped by the house of a friend for whom I'm dog sitting. It's mornings like these that I really wish I drank coffee. I could desperately use the caffeine. Instead, I pull over at a rest stop for a quick nap along the way.
Noon: I get to the ski resort and am surprised that there is no snow anywhere. But then again, of course there's no snow. It's been a warm winter until recently and I'm not that high up. How depressing. But they have a few runs open that they've covered with manmade snow. I get a half-day pass and rent a snowboard and boots. With the rental comes a free beginner lesson. The next one, though, isn't until 2 or 2:30.
12:30: I grab a quick lunch and watch the people on the slopes. Most of the snowboarders make it look easy. I know they're lying.
1:00: I decide to try to get a feel for the snowboard while I'm waiting for the lesson to begin. I strap myself in and manage to stand up.
I promptly fall over.
I stand up again.
And promptly fall over.
Repeat steps 1 and 2 several more times.
Finally, I decide to move to somewhere with less people standing around in order to minimize my embarrassment.
I watch two young girls who have coerced a third friend into trying to snowboard. I listen in on what they're telling her, hoping to glean some information that might be useful. Unfortunately for me, and their friend, they're not a lot of help.
I finally get to the point where I can stand up and slide back and forth a little. On flat land. I try moving slowly down a hill and quickly lose balance and fall.
At this point, I should mention something: I have been warned about this. Everyone I know who was ever snowboarded has said that it is difficult. There's a steep learning curve, they say, so don't expect to get the hang of it until after you've done it a lot.
They are right.
Colorado skiing background, a pretty decent sense of balance, comfort on a mountain slope -- all of these traits are for naught.
2:15: I at least get pretty good at strapping my boots into the snowboard and am OK at standing up by the time the lesson starts. The class consists of me and a young couple. We go over the basics of safety and naming the parts of the board. We practice sliding around with one foot strapped to the board, which is a lot harder than it looks.
2:25: Finally, we hit the slope. We practice standing. I will have a lot of practice at getting up before the afternoon is over. Then we practice moving on the heel edge of the board. Later we practice the toe edge. It takes an eternity to get down the slope. I will sum up a very lengthy journey like this: I fell. A lot. Occasionally, I would have moments of comprehension that would last for a few seconds and were followed by a loss of control and either a face plant or a butt fall. I exerted way more energy than I ever would have thought possible and suddenly understood why, when you usually see snowboarders, they're sitting down on the slopes. It's freaking exhausting. It took me about 40 minutes to get to the bottom of the slope. I sense that the instructor, while nice, was probably a little impatient with me. The other two in the class made it down in about half the time it took me. They, too, were nice about it, but I felt bad.
3:10: We get on the lift. To say that it's a huge relief to be sitting down on something that's not the cold, wet ground is an understatement. That relief turns to embarrassment for the umpteenth time that day when I fall down trying to get off the lift and must quickly crawl/slide on my rear to get out of the way before the people on the next lift chair run me over.
3:15: The instructor and the rest of the class prepare for a second run. I politely bow out. I don't want to make them suffer any more than they already have and I desperately need a break.
3:25: I stop by the restaurant and order a glass of water, a smoothie and an ice cream sundae. After all of that, I'm burning up. The waitress, who is a friendly, motherly sort, wants to know what sort of food I order in the summer.
3:45: It's possible I have overestimated in my food choice. By the time the sundae arrives, I've not only cooled down, I've chilled myself. I barely eat any of the sundae. The waitress says I look defeated by the sundae. She is right, but the look of defeat has more to do with having spent the past few hours having my ass spanked by a 3-foot board working in tandem with a mountain.
3:55: I head back outside and decide if I want to try another run. But a lot of me is soaked and cold, and frankly, I'm not sure I can make it to the bottom of the hill before the lifts close at 4:30. In the half-hour I've been sitting down, I also feel like my muscles have atrophied. And I have to try to take some pictures of snowboarders to go with the article. So I pack it in, grab the camera and spend awhile shooting photos.
4:30: I'm on the road again. About 7 hours of driving for one full run on the hill. I am humbled. In the future, I know that I can either stick with skiing, which I know and which comes fairly easy for me now, or I can try snowboarding, which is new and difficult. One of those telling life choices. I'd like to think I'll choose to snowboard again. Although given the distance of the slopes and that I'll probably only get out there once or twice a year -- if that -- it's going to be difficult to feel like I'm having fun on a board anytime soon. But we'll see.
5:30: I fill up at a gas station and grab a Mountain Dew while I'm there. I chug it. At least I've done something Xtreme today.
I went yesterday and this was pretty much how the day went:
7 a.m.: Alarm goes off. I had originally planned on driving out earlier to the ski resort, which is about three and a half hours away in western Virginia, but when I didn't get home from work until about 1 a.m. I thought better of it.
8:30: I'm finally on the road after having showered, eaten, gotten all my stuff together and stopped by the house of a friend for whom I'm dog sitting. It's mornings like these that I really wish I drank coffee. I could desperately use the caffeine. Instead, I pull over at a rest stop for a quick nap along the way.
Noon: I get to the ski resort and am surprised that there is no snow anywhere. But then again, of course there's no snow. It's been a warm winter until recently and I'm not that high up. How depressing. But they have a few runs open that they've covered with manmade snow. I get a half-day pass and rent a snowboard and boots. With the rental comes a free beginner lesson. The next one, though, isn't until 2 or 2:30.
12:30: I grab a quick lunch and watch the people on the slopes. Most of the snowboarders make it look easy. I know they're lying.
1:00: I decide to try to get a feel for the snowboard while I'm waiting for the lesson to begin. I strap myself in and manage to stand up.
I promptly fall over.
I stand up again.
And promptly fall over.
Repeat steps 1 and 2 several more times.
Finally, I decide to move to somewhere with less people standing around in order to minimize my embarrassment.
I watch two young girls who have coerced a third friend into trying to snowboard. I listen in on what they're telling her, hoping to glean some information that might be useful. Unfortunately for me, and their friend, they're not a lot of help.
I finally get to the point where I can stand up and slide back and forth a little. On flat land. I try moving slowly down a hill and quickly lose balance and fall.
At this point, I should mention something: I have been warned about this. Everyone I know who was ever snowboarded has said that it is difficult. There's a steep learning curve, they say, so don't expect to get the hang of it until after you've done it a lot.
They are right.
Colorado skiing background, a pretty decent sense of balance, comfort on a mountain slope -- all of these traits are for naught.
2:15: I at least get pretty good at strapping my boots into the snowboard and am OK at standing up by the time the lesson starts. The class consists of me and a young couple. We go over the basics of safety and naming the parts of the board. We practice sliding around with one foot strapped to the board, which is a lot harder than it looks.
2:25: Finally, we hit the slope. We practice standing. I will have a lot of practice at getting up before the afternoon is over. Then we practice moving on the heel edge of the board. Later we practice the toe edge. It takes an eternity to get down the slope. I will sum up a very lengthy journey like this: I fell. A lot. Occasionally, I would have moments of comprehension that would last for a few seconds and were followed by a loss of control and either a face plant or a butt fall. I exerted way more energy than I ever would have thought possible and suddenly understood why, when you usually see snowboarders, they're sitting down on the slopes. It's freaking exhausting. It took me about 40 minutes to get to the bottom of the slope. I sense that the instructor, while nice, was probably a little impatient with me. The other two in the class made it down in about half the time it took me. They, too, were nice about it, but I felt bad.
3:10: We get on the lift. To say that it's a huge relief to be sitting down on something that's not the cold, wet ground is an understatement. That relief turns to embarrassment for the umpteenth time that day when I fall down trying to get off the lift and must quickly crawl/slide on my rear to get out of the way before the people on the next lift chair run me over.
3:15: The instructor and the rest of the class prepare for a second run. I politely bow out. I don't want to make them suffer any more than they already have and I desperately need a break.
3:25: I stop by the restaurant and order a glass of water, a smoothie and an ice cream sundae. After all of that, I'm burning up. The waitress, who is a friendly, motherly sort, wants to know what sort of food I order in the summer.
3:45: It's possible I have overestimated in my food choice. By the time the sundae arrives, I've not only cooled down, I've chilled myself. I barely eat any of the sundae. The waitress says I look defeated by the sundae. She is right, but the look of defeat has more to do with having spent the past few hours having my ass spanked by a 3-foot board working in tandem with a mountain.
3:55: I head back outside and decide if I want to try another run. But a lot of me is soaked and cold, and frankly, I'm not sure I can make it to the bottom of the hill before the lifts close at 4:30. In the half-hour I've been sitting down, I also feel like my muscles have atrophied. And I have to try to take some pictures of snowboarders to go with the article. So I pack it in, grab the camera and spend awhile shooting photos.
4:30: I'm on the road again. About 7 hours of driving for one full run on the hill. I am humbled. In the future, I know that I can either stick with skiing, which I know and which comes fairly easy for me now, or I can try snowboarding, which is new and difficult. One of those telling life choices. I'd like to think I'll choose to snowboard again. Although given the distance of the slopes and that I'll probably only get out there once or twice a year -- if that -- it's going to be difficult to feel like I'm having fun on a board anytime soon. But we'll see.
5:30: I fill up at a gas station and grab a Mountain Dew while I'm there. I chug it. At least I've done something Xtreme today.
Thursday, December 01, 2005
Story leftovers
(As a quick note, News in a Nutshell is on hiatus through the holidays -- I'll be out of town some and I'd really like to try to get Christmas cards sent before Valentine's Day this year, so I won't have a lot of time. But if I run across any really interesting articles, I'll let you know. And I'll try to update a little more frequently.)
So this Thanksgiving was definitely a good test of my culinary skills. I had to cook a dish for a get-together with work friends on Thanksgiving (yes, I worked), and then prepare the meal for my parents and brother, who were coming into town on Friday. I went to the grocery store at the beginning of last week and realized two things:
1) You shouldn't go to the grocery store the week of Thanksgiving because it's a mad house.
2) You shouldn't wait that long to buy a turkey either. They were out of fresh turkeys and only had frozen ones that wouldn't have thawed in time.
So I decided to go with ham -- delicious and easier to make. Everyone wins!
For the work dinner, I decided to make sweet potatoes, something I hadn't done before, but figured wouldn't be too difficult. Plus, I could make a double batch of it, take 3/4 to the work dinner and keep a fourth of it to serve the next day to the family. I bought fresh sweet potatoes, scoffing at the cans of sweet potatoes. I needed eight medium sweet potatoes, but apparently I was in the mutant sweet potato section because they were all pretty big. When I began to peel and dice the potatoes, I began to rue how I had laughed at the cans. I get it now.
I also had more sweet potatoes than I really needed, which required some ... improvisation with the ingredient amounts. It worked out all right, except when I realized I didn't have brown sugar like I thought I did. So while one batch of potatoes was boiling, I quickly drove to the store to get a bag of brown sugar and get back before I accidentally burned my apartment down or something. It turned out pretty well. Some people who don't normally like sweet potatoes even said they liked them, so maybe there's something to be said for the trouble of fresh sweet potatoes.
Just stay away from the giant, mutant ones.
As far as Thanksgiving, the menu called for:
Ham
Sweet potatoes
A corn/cornbread dish, the recipe for which my mom gave me
Croissants
Sparkling cider
Most of that stuff was pretty easy to make and it all went off without a hitch. Although due to a typo in the corn recipe, I bought nine boxes of corn muffin mix instead of one. I thought nine seemed like a lot, but there was no way on Earth I was going back to the grocery store again last week if I was wrong. (And they were only three for $1.) So now I can make corn muffins to go with pretty much every meal I make for quite some time.
Corn muffins make a great Christmas gift, don't they?
So this Thanksgiving was definitely a good test of my culinary skills. I had to cook a dish for a get-together with work friends on Thanksgiving (yes, I worked), and then prepare the meal for my parents and brother, who were coming into town on Friday. I went to the grocery store at the beginning of last week and realized two things:
1) You shouldn't go to the grocery store the week of Thanksgiving because it's a mad house.
2) You shouldn't wait that long to buy a turkey either. They were out of fresh turkeys and only had frozen ones that wouldn't have thawed in time.
So I decided to go with ham -- delicious and easier to make. Everyone wins!
For the work dinner, I decided to make sweet potatoes, something I hadn't done before, but figured wouldn't be too difficult. Plus, I could make a double batch of it, take 3/4 to the work dinner and keep a fourth of it to serve the next day to the family. I bought fresh sweet potatoes, scoffing at the cans of sweet potatoes. I needed eight medium sweet potatoes, but apparently I was in the mutant sweet potato section because they were all pretty big. When I began to peel and dice the potatoes, I began to rue how I had laughed at the cans. I get it now.
I also had more sweet potatoes than I really needed, which required some ... improvisation with the ingredient amounts. It worked out all right, except when I realized I didn't have brown sugar like I thought I did. So while one batch of potatoes was boiling, I quickly drove to the store to get a bag of brown sugar and get back before I accidentally burned my apartment down or something. It turned out pretty well. Some people who don't normally like sweet potatoes even said they liked them, so maybe there's something to be said for the trouble of fresh sweet potatoes.
Just stay away from the giant, mutant ones.
As far as Thanksgiving, the menu called for:
Ham
Sweet potatoes
A corn/cornbread dish, the recipe for which my mom gave me
Croissants
Sparkling cider
Most of that stuff was pretty easy to make and it all went off without a hitch. Although due to a typo in the corn recipe, I bought nine boxes of corn muffin mix instead of one. I thought nine seemed like a lot, but there was no way on Earth I was going back to the grocery store again last week if I was wrong. (And they were only three for $1.) So now I can make corn muffins to go with pretty much every meal I make for quite some time.
Corn muffins make a great Christmas gift, don't they?
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Truth in advertising
The Hooters sign near my apartment.
The only thing missing is an "s" to make it plural.
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
No news, but a cool story
Sorry, no time for News in a Nutshell this weekend. But I do offer up this really great story on a 75-year-old woman who recounts her life as a jewel thief. It's a great read; you gotta check it out.
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Parsnippets
I made pork pot roast in cider the other day. It was a crock pot recipe, so it was pretty easy to handle. But it involved parsnips, which I didn't have any experience with. (They look like albino carrots, as it ends up.) I also found out that they taste nasty -- kind of bitter or something; strong at any rate. And it kind of gave everything else that was simmering in the crock pot that flavor, too.
Ick.
My advice? Cut out the parsnips when cooking.
I've never really jumped on the Harry Potter bandwagon. I kept meaning to read the books, but have just never gotten around to it. The latest movie opens Friday and a few friends of work are going, so I decided I may as well at least stick a toe in the waters that seem to make everyone so crazy for Harry. But I'm obviously not going to be able to read all the books that quickly, so I've got the first three movies. I've seen the first so far and have until Monday to watch the next two. I'm hoping they get better as the kids get older, because right now, I don't really see what all the fuss is about. (Although I'm sure the books are better -- they always are.)
I started doing a bit of Christmas shopping for family members over my days off this week and ended up getting a couple of gifts for other people, but also:
1) 3 CDs (Kanye West and 2 Jason Mraz albums -- I'm really digging the "Geek in the Pink" song lately)
2) 1 DVD
3) 1 book ("The Dante Club," which has been recommended reading from a friend for some time)
4) 1 box of chocolate covered cherries (What?! They're tasty. Back off.)
5) 1 bamboo plant for my cubicle at the office (easy to care for and don't need a lot of light)
Apparently, I need a little work on the whole giving/getting thing...
Ick.
My advice? Cut out the parsnips when cooking.
I've never really jumped on the Harry Potter bandwagon. I kept meaning to read the books, but have just never gotten around to it. The latest movie opens Friday and a few friends of work are going, so I decided I may as well at least stick a toe in the waters that seem to make everyone so crazy for Harry. But I'm obviously not going to be able to read all the books that quickly, so I've got the first three movies. I've seen the first so far and have until Monday to watch the next two. I'm hoping they get better as the kids get older, because right now, I don't really see what all the fuss is about. (Although I'm sure the books are better -- they always are.)
I started doing a bit of Christmas shopping for family members over my days off this week and ended up getting a couple of gifts for other people, but also:
1) 3 CDs (Kanye West and 2 Jason Mraz albums -- I'm really digging the "Geek in the Pink" song lately)
2) 1 DVD
3) 1 book ("The Dante Club," which has been recommended reading from a friend for some time)
4) 1 box of chocolate covered cherries (What?! They're tasty. Back off.)
5) 1 bamboo plant for my cubicle at the office (easy to care for and don't need a lot of light)
Apparently, I need a little work on the whole giving/getting thing...
Monday, November 14, 2005
News in a nutshell: Oct. 31-Nov. 13
Sound smart
Riots have spread throughout France over the past couple of weeks. About 7,000 cars have been set on fire, almost 2,000 people have been arrested so far and the government has imposed a curfew in many areas. The government was slow to respond to the unrest, partly because about 80 cars are torched throughout the country on a normal, peaceful night.
I tell you, kids these days ... Whatever happened to just cruising Main Street? You know, when I was a kid, we didn't have all these fancy Molotov cocktails and other flammable fuels. No, if we wanted to set fire to something, we had to use the sun and a magnifying glass ... in the snow! And by golly, we liked it that way!
President Bush nominated Sammy "The Gavel" Alito to replace Sandra Day O'Connor. Alito is expected to give senators an offer they can't refuse when confirmation hearings begin.
Pirates fired on a luxury cruiser liner off of Somalia, as armed bandits tried to board the ship. The cruise ship managed to escape but pirate attacks have been increasingly common off Somalia's borders. Word has it they're in search of booty, meaning they may not be pirates after all, just a bunch of frat boys.
Boring but important
The Kansas Board of Education voted 6-4 to approve new science standards that include intelligent design and, because intelligent design isn't really a science by definition, the board rewrote the definition of science.
I'm not joking.
In related news, Pat Robertson condemned the people of Dover, Pa., after they voted out School Board members who had sought to recognize intelligent design in schools. Robertson said the town shouldn't look to God for help when they start facing problems. I, for one, think Pat Robertson's existence pretty much debunks intelligent design and evolution. Is there a "survival of the craziest" theory?
Sorry to say
57 people were killed in three explosions at hotels in Jordan, prompting a call from the king of Jordan for an international war on terrorism.
Umm ... gee, why didn't anyone else think of that?!?
But now for some good news
The San Diego Zoo named its baby panda Su Lin, which translates as "A little bit of something very cute" in Chinese. And if that doesn't make you smile, then you are a cold, cold person...
On Wednesday, Bush awarded the Medal of Freedom to 14 people, including Muhammad Ali for being "The Greatest," Paul Rusesabagina for helping save hundreds of lives during the Rwandan genocide, and Andy Griffith for keeping crime down in Mayberry and solving so many difficult court room cases later in his career.
What the?!?
Denver voters last week approved a measure legalizing small amounts of marijuana. Mile High City jokes about how the city has gone to pot would just be too easy, so I'll just reefer you to the article here.
Police in northern Virginia are looking for a woman who has been robbing banks while talking on her cell phone. You know, it's a sad day when our society reaches the point that we're not even willing to give our full attention when robbing one another. A sad day indeed...
A man found a 1,400-pound meteorite on a Kansas farm. In unrelated news, a nearby farming couple have a new baby! I think we can expect some super things from that kid.
As traffic increases in Southern California, a group of geniuses has proposed building a major tunnel right next to a major fault line. I can see the made-for-TV disaster movie now ...
Scientists have debunked the idea of cow-tipping, saying it would take at least five people and some pretty improbable circumstances, the biggest of which is all five people being sober.
A Colorado man who says he was glued to a toilet seat in Home Depot and sued for $3 million passed a lie detector test after it was alleged he had made a similar claim in another town. If this guy is for real, then just remember: No matter how bad a day you might be having, it could be worse -- you could be the guy who keeps getting glued to the can.
A California man has begun a radio station for pets to listen to while their owners are out of the house. He started it, he said, because his cat told him to. After his first broadcast, the cat gave the man a treat and told him, "Good boy! Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?"
The California man is now working on mastering "shake hand."
Riots have spread throughout France over the past couple of weeks. About 7,000 cars have been set on fire, almost 2,000 people have been arrested so far and the government has imposed a curfew in many areas. The government was slow to respond to the unrest, partly because about 80 cars are torched throughout the country on a normal, peaceful night.
I tell you, kids these days ... Whatever happened to just cruising Main Street? You know, when I was a kid, we didn't have all these fancy Molotov cocktails and other flammable fuels. No, if we wanted to set fire to something, we had to use the sun and a magnifying glass ... in the snow! And by golly, we liked it that way!
President Bush nominated Sammy "The Gavel" Alito to replace Sandra Day O'Connor. Alito is expected to give senators an offer they can't refuse when confirmation hearings begin.
Pirates fired on a luxury cruiser liner off of Somalia, as armed bandits tried to board the ship. The cruise ship managed to escape but pirate attacks have been increasingly common off Somalia's borders. Word has it they're in search of booty, meaning they may not be pirates after all, just a bunch of frat boys.
Boring but important
The Kansas Board of Education voted 6-4 to approve new science standards that include intelligent design and, because intelligent design isn't really a science by definition, the board rewrote the definition of science.
I'm not joking.
In related news, Pat Robertson condemned the people of Dover, Pa., after they voted out School Board members who had sought to recognize intelligent design in schools. Robertson said the town shouldn't look to God for help when they start facing problems. I, for one, think Pat Robertson's existence pretty much debunks intelligent design and evolution. Is there a "survival of the craziest" theory?
Sorry to say
57 people were killed in three explosions at hotels in Jordan, prompting a call from the king of Jordan for an international war on terrorism.
Umm ... gee, why didn't anyone else think of that?!?
But now for some good news
The San Diego Zoo named its baby panda Su Lin, which translates as "A little bit of something very cute" in Chinese. And if that doesn't make you smile, then you are a cold, cold person...
On Wednesday, Bush awarded the Medal of Freedom to 14 people, including Muhammad Ali for being "The Greatest," Paul Rusesabagina for helping save hundreds of lives during the Rwandan genocide, and Andy Griffith for keeping crime down in Mayberry and solving so many difficult court room cases later in his career.
What the?!?
Denver voters last week approved a measure legalizing small amounts of marijuana. Mile High City jokes about how the city has gone to pot would just be too easy, so I'll just reefer you to the article here.
Police in northern Virginia are looking for a woman who has been robbing banks while talking on her cell phone. You know, it's a sad day when our society reaches the point that we're not even willing to give our full attention when robbing one another. A sad day indeed...
A man found a 1,400-pound meteorite on a Kansas farm. In unrelated news, a nearby farming couple have a new baby! I think we can expect some super things from that kid.
As traffic increases in Southern California, a group of geniuses has proposed building a major tunnel right next to a major fault line. I can see the made-for-TV disaster movie now ...
Scientists have debunked the idea of cow-tipping, saying it would take at least five people and some pretty improbable circumstances, the biggest of which is all five people being sober.
A Colorado man who says he was glued to a toilet seat in Home Depot and sued for $3 million passed a lie detector test after it was alleged he had made a similar claim in another town. If this guy is for real, then just remember: No matter how bad a day you might be having, it could be worse -- you could be the guy who keeps getting glued to the can.
A California man has begun a radio station for pets to listen to while their owners are out of the house. He started it, he said, because his cat told him to. After his first broadcast, the cat gave the man a treat and told him, "Good boy! Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?"
The California man is now working on mastering "shake hand."
Friday, November 11, 2005
Playing in the shallow end of the pool hall
I went to a new place last night with a friend from work who was writing up a short little piece on where to go to play pool. It's basically a pool hall/sports bar. It has more than a dozen pool tables, about 30 TVs showing hockey or football, skeeball and other arcade games, food (including pizza by the slice) and ... barely-of-age waitresses dressed as cheerleaders.
I believe my initial comment of disbelief was: "They dress their waitresses as cheerleaders?? Seriously?!?!?" Granted, they were wearing low-slung, hip-hugging pants rather than cheerleading skirts, providing an iota of modesty, but it did little to hide the preponderance of lower-back tattoos of the girls who mostly looked too young to be serving alcohol. But then again, most of the people in the place looked like they were in high school to me, which probably means they were in college.
My friend at one point wanted to flag down our waitress but almost grabbed the wrong one. After she dismissed the wrong waitress, she turned to me and whispered: "They all look pretty much the same; I can't tell the difference."
So yeah, it was sort of like a slightly less skeezy version of Hooters in a way.
But they had food and pool that you pay for by the hour, which I've been missing for a while. The music that was playing seemed to be the soundtrack from my high school days, which was a little weird, but cool because I knew all the words to the songs.
I also managed to prove that while I can be one ball short of running the table on the first turn, I will still regress to my habit of sinking the cue ball at inopportune times.
But at least I was able to scratch my pool-playing itch as well...
I believe my initial comment of disbelief was: "They dress their waitresses as cheerleaders?? Seriously?!?!?" Granted, they were wearing low-slung, hip-hugging pants rather than cheerleading skirts, providing an iota of modesty, but it did little to hide the preponderance of lower-back tattoos of the girls who mostly looked too young to be serving alcohol. But then again, most of the people in the place looked like they were in high school to me, which probably means they were in college.
My friend at one point wanted to flag down our waitress but almost grabbed the wrong one. After she dismissed the wrong waitress, she turned to me and whispered: "They all look pretty much the same; I can't tell the difference."
So yeah, it was sort of like a slightly less skeezy version of Hooters in a way.
But they had food and pool that you pay for by the hour, which I've been missing for a while. The music that was playing seemed to be the soundtrack from my high school days, which was a little weird, but cool because I knew all the words to the songs.
I also managed to prove that while I can be one ball short of running the table on the first turn, I will still regress to my habit of sinking the cue ball at inopportune times.
But at least I was able to scratch my pool-playing itch as well...
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
News in a nutshell: Oct. 24-30
Sound smart
On Thursday, Harriet Miers, whom Bush had picked for the Supreme Court, withdrew her nomination before confirmation hearings had even begun. Miers had come under fire from both parties for not seeming to have an opinion on anything -- except how totally dreamy Bush is.
On Friday, I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby, the vice president's chief of staff, resigned after he was indicted in the investigation of who leaked CIA agent Valerie Plame's identity. After the whole "Brownie" debacle, this was strike two against guys with elementary school nicknames in positions of power. And it doesn't bode well for Scott "Snot" McClellan...
Mother Nature is still on the war path with Hurricane Beta battering Nicaragua on Sunday. And Hurricane Wilma hit southern Florida on Monday as a Category 3 storm, cutting power to 6 million people, causing a lot of flooding and killing 10. The storm's strength surprised many people who had chosen not to evacuate.
Gee ... if only there had been some past event to indicate that we should be taking hurricanes seriously ... oh, if only ...
The president of Iran said Wednesday that Israel should be "wiped off the map." So ... does this mean we're not going to have peace in the Middle East soon?
Boring but important
To be the next chairman of the Federal Reserve Board, President Bush nominated Ben Bernanke. If confirmed, he would replace Alan Greenspan who is retiring in ... oh, hell, I lost you at Federal Reserve, didn't I?
The final report on the United Nations' oil-for-food program accused more than 2,200 companies, along with major politicians, of working with Saddam Hussein to swindle almost $2 billion from the program. Proving that you can eat your cake and starve other people, too.
Sorry to say
Rosa Parks died on Monday at the age of 92.
The number of American troops killed in the Iraq war hit 2,000 on Tuesday.
But now for some good news
The Chicago White Sox swept the World Series, winning the title for the first time since 1917. But to be honest, that entry on the Federal Reserve was more interesting.
On Thursday, Harriet Miers, whom Bush had picked for the Supreme Court, withdrew her nomination before confirmation hearings had even begun. Miers had come under fire from both parties for not seeming to have an opinion on anything -- except how totally dreamy Bush is.
On Friday, I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby, the vice president's chief of staff, resigned after he was indicted in the investigation of who leaked CIA agent Valerie Plame's identity. After the whole "Brownie" debacle, this was strike two against guys with elementary school nicknames in positions of power. And it doesn't bode well for Scott "Snot" McClellan...
Mother Nature is still on the war path with Hurricane Beta battering Nicaragua on Sunday. And Hurricane Wilma hit southern Florida on Monday as a Category 3 storm, cutting power to 6 million people, causing a lot of flooding and killing 10. The storm's strength surprised many people who had chosen not to evacuate.
Gee ... if only there had been some past event to indicate that we should be taking hurricanes seriously ... oh, if only ...
The president of Iran said Wednesday that Israel should be "wiped off the map." So ... does this mean we're not going to have peace in the Middle East soon?
Boring but important
To be the next chairman of the Federal Reserve Board, President Bush nominated Ben Bernanke. If confirmed, he would replace Alan Greenspan who is retiring in ... oh, hell, I lost you at Federal Reserve, didn't I?
The final report on the United Nations' oil-for-food program accused more than 2,200 companies, along with major politicians, of working with Saddam Hussein to swindle almost $2 billion from the program. Proving that you can eat your cake and starve other people, too.
Sorry to say
Rosa Parks died on Monday at the age of 92.
The number of American troops killed in the Iraq war hit 2,000 on Tuesday.
But now for some good news
The Chicago White Sox swept the World Series, winning the title for the first time since 1917. But to be honest, that entry on the Federal Reserve was more interesting.
Saturday, October 29, 2005
Trick or treat
So here's my Halloween costume. I've yet to decide if I will attempt an Antonio Banderas accent for the evening. (But anyone who's familiar with my accents knows that's a gamble. It sounds great in my head, but usually comes out as totally unplaceable -- I could be Scottish, Australian, British, Indian, or all of the above and more!)
I think this may be Zorro's senior high school portrait:
On a totally unrelated note, don't forget to set your clocks back an hour tonight for the end of daylight-saving time. And while you're at it, replace the batteries in those smoke detectors.*
*This public service announcement has been brought to you by the letter Z.
I think this may be Zorro's senior high school portrait:
On a totally unrelated note, don't forget to set your clocks back an hour tonight for the end of daylight-saving time. And while you're at it, replace the batteries in those smoke detectors.*
*This public service announcement has been brought to you by the letter Z.
Friday, October 28, 2005
Post-midnight snack
This is how out of whack my sleep schedule has become:
It's 3 a.m. and I'm making brownies.
Why? No reason -- I'm just hungry, and they sound tasty.
I just got back from going out after work and then helping a friend get heat in her apartment because I have more experience with radiators than I care to. (Although it's debatable whether heat is really needed. I wore a long-sleeve shirt for the first time all season on Monday. In Duluth, I'd probably have already broken out my heavy coat.) This is the same friend whose apartment building basement I had to break into using a credit card the other week so I could check the fuse box. I'm beginning to wonder if I should charge her landlord for maintenance.
Anyhow, what else have I been up to? Those who know what a picky eater I am will be pleased to hear that I went out to dinner the other night with a bunch a friends and we went to a Burmese restaurant. I couldn't tell you what makes Burmese food Burmese, but it's pretty similar to Indian. I had chicken and lightly fried potatoes in an onion-curry sauce, as I believe the menu described it, and it was totally delicious. Of course, it's also a glorified version of meat and potatoes, so I would.
I also stopped by an IKEA to pick up a chair that a couple of people I know have and that I've been wanting to get for some time. I haven't put it together yet, but I'm sure it will be everything I've hoped for. I even got a footstool. It will become my new reading chair.
And that's about it. I made pasta and scallops, with stir-fried carrots and sugar snap peas last week. Except I didn't care for the carrot and pea part of it, so I mostly just ate pasta and scallops, which were most excellent.
I think I've pulled everything together for my Halloween costume. I'll post pictures over the weekend. (No, I'm not telling what I'm going to be before then.)
Now if you'll excuse me, I have an episode of "Alias" to watch so I can find out if I'm right about who's in the box. (My guess: Vaughn's father.) Plus, my brownies are almost done ...
It's 3 a.m. and I'm making brownies.
Why? No reason -- I'm just hungry, and they sound tasty.
I just got back from going out after work and then helping a friend get heat in her apartment because I have more experience with radiators than I care to. (Although it's debatable whether heat is really needed. I wore a long-sleeve shirt for the first time all season on Monday. In Duluth, I'd probably have already broken out my heavy coat.) This is the same friend whose apartment building basement I had to break into using a credit card the other week so I could check the fuse box. I'm beginning to wonder if I should charge her landlord for maintenance.
Anyhow, what else have I been up to? Those who know what a picky eater I am will be pleased to hear that I went out to dinner the other night with a bunch a friends and we went to a Burmese restaurant. I couldn't tell you what makes Burmese food Burmese, but it's pretty similar to Indian. I had chicken and lightly fried potatoes in an onion-curry sauce, as I believe the menu described it, and it was totally delicious. Of course, it's also a glorified version of meat and potatoes, so I would.
I also stopped by an IKEA to pick up a chair that a couple of people I know have and that I've been wanting to get for some time. I haven't put it together yet, but I'm sure it will be everything I've hoped for. I even got a footstool. It will become my new reading chair.
And that's about it. I made pasta and scallops, with stir-fried carrots and sugar snap peas last week. Except I didn't care for the carrot and pea part of it, so I mostly just ate pasta and scallops, which were most excellent.
I think I've pulled everything together for my Halloween costume. I'll post pictures over the weekend. (No, I'm not telling what I'm going to be before then.)
Now if you'll excuse me, I have an episode of "Alias" to watch so I can find out if I'm right about who's in the box. (My guess: Vaughn's father.) Plus, my brownies are almost done ...
Monday, October 24, 2005
News in a nutshell: Oct. 17-23
Saddam Hussein's trial began last week with him pleading not guilty and Hurricane Wilma battered Cancun and Mexico's Yucatan Peninsula over the weekend before heading to southern Florida on its apparent tour of spring break destinations before it likely meets up with Tropical Storm Alpha somewhere in the Atlantic. But at this point, what more is there to say about hurricanes? Get over it, Mother Nature. If you want to wow us, why don't you try bringing back the dinosaurs or something. Otherwise, we're no longer impressed.
Otherwise, I'd like to bring your attention to the following overlooked story out of last week's news:
A North Carolina teacher's aide was accused of biting a second-grader after the student bit her. The student later assaulted a second teacher. I know this may sound like a typical disciplinary problem to the untrained eye, but I'll tell you what's really going on here: zombie outbreak.
Yep, zombies.
And sure, some people say, "Hey, it's not the kid's fault that he's a zombie." And that's true. But it still doesn't mean that you shouldn't quarantine the kid, or shoot him in the head.
You can't afford to be lax about this sort of thing because as soon as you start letting zombies play with other kids, before you know it, you've got a playground full of brain-eating, undead children. That's why I think schools should have zero-tolerance policies against zombies. But you know what? Most schools don't. And that, my friends, is a tragedy waiting to happen.
Otherwise, I'd like to bring your attention to the following overlooked story out of last week's news:
A North Carolina teacher's aide was accused of biting a second-grader after the student bit her. The student later assaulted a second teacher. I know this may sound like a typical disciplinary problem to the untrained eye, but I'll tell you what's really going on here: zombie outbreak.
Yep, zombies.
And sure, some people say, "Hey, it's not the kid's fault that he's a zombie." And that's true. But it still doesn't mean that you shouldn't quarantine the kid, or shoot him in the head.
You can't afford to be lax about this sort of thing because as soon as you start letting zombies play with other kids, before you know it, you've got a playground full of brain-eating, undead children. That's why I think schools should have zero-tolerance policies against zombies. But you know what? Most schools don't. And that, my friends, is a tragedy waiting to happen.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Funny things
Monday night was the first night of "The Colbert Report" with Stephen Colbert of "The Daily Show" on Comedy Central. The show is basically a spoof of all the know-it-all pundits out there. The premiere was fantastically funny, especially when he had the "gravitas" competition with Stone Phillips. The second night wasn't as great but still good, and I'll be interested to see if he can keep the momentum and comedy up, but so far, I'm looking forward to it.
If you want to know just how important a trailer can be to the image of a movie, check this out. It's a recut trailer for "The Shining" made as if the movie were a feel-good father-son bonding flick.
If you want to know just how important a trailer can be to the image of a movie, check this out. It's a recut trailer for "The Shining" made as if the movie were a feel-good father-son bonding flick.
Monday, October 17, 2005
News in a nutshell: Oct. 10-16
Sound smart
As of Sunday, the tally of Iraq's referendum indicated that the draft constitution would pass. President Bush praised the preliminary results saying, "Democracies are peaceful countries." Because we all know that after the United States broke away from England and established its democracy, we've been peaceful ever since ...
Experts say a strain of dog flu is spreading across the country, with about 5 percent of the dogs dying and no vaccine available. I blame cats.
A report by the Miami Herald found that the National Hurricane Center has been plagued by budget problems and faulty equipment. For example: Weather probes dropped into storms fail half the time in strong winds -- which is what they're supposed to measure! And you know that Doppler radar you hear so much about? It has a tendency to die in ... wait for it ... severe weather.
For frick's sake.
Boring, but important
Inflation jumped in September by the biggest increase in about 25 years. I'd offer a penny for your thoughts, but I hear they're a dime now.
Sorry to say
The death toll from the earthquake in Pakistan has jumped to 54,000. And millions are homeless and without shelter as the cold of winter quickly approaches. To help, CNN has a list of organizations you can donate to here.
What the ...?!?
A recent survey indicates that Americans are -- surprise! -- getting ruder. Seventy percent of those surveyed thought people were ruder now than 20 or 30 years ago. But only 8 percent said they had used their cell phones in a loud or annoying manner around others, which proves that we're not only rude, we're liars.
The world's oldest known noodles have been found in China. And the guy who's waited 4,000 years for his takeout is pissed.
An Arkansas couple recently gave birth to their 16th child. And they plan to have more. You know what? We get it, guys! You're fertile! Very, very fertile! Stop trying to overcompensate.
A misplaced decimal led a Nebraska gas station to sell gas for 29 cents per gallon. Well, sure, that may seem cheap, but a soda there will cost you $100.
As of Sunday, the tally of Iraq's referendum indicated that the draft constitution would pass. President Bush praised the preliminary results saying, "Democracies are peaceful countries." Because we all know that after the United States broke away from England and established its democracy, we've been peaceful ever since ...
Experts say a strain of dog flu is spreading across the country, with about 5 percent of the dogs dying and no vaccine available. I blame cats.
A report by the Miami Herald found that the National Hurricane Center has been plagued by budget problems and faulty equipment. For example: Weather probes dropped into storms fail half the time in strong winds -- which is what they're supposed to measure! And you know that Doppler radar you hear so much about? It has a tendency to die in ... wait for it ... severe weather.
For frick's sake.
Boring, but important
Inflation jumped in September by the biggest increase in about 25 years. I'd offer a penny for your thoughts, but I hear they're a dime now.
Sorry to say
The death toll from the earthquake in Pakistan has jumped to 54,000. And millions are homeless and without shelter as the cold of winter quickly approaches. To help, CNN has a list of organizations you can donate to here.
What the ...?!?
A recent survey indicates that Americans are -- surprise! -- getting ruder. Seventy percent of those surveyed thought people were ruder now than 20 or 30 years ago. But only 8 percent said they had used their cell phones in a loud or annoying manner around others, which proves that we're not only rude, we're liars.
The world's oldest known noodles have been found in China. And the guy who's waited 4,000 years for his takeout is pissed.
An Arkansas couple recently gave birth to their 16th child. And they plan to have more. You know what? We get it, guys! You're fertile! Very, very fertile! Stop trying to overcompensate.
A misplaced decimal led a Nebraska gas station to sell gas for 29 cents per gallon. Well, sure, that may seem cheap, but a soda there will cost you $100.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
I just gotta not be me
I'm not much of a holiday person. I don't know if it's because I work most holidays or what, but I just don't get really excited about them. But Halloween is coming up and I'm in need of a costume idea. I don't usually dress up for Halloween; I don't usually need to. The last party I went to where I needed a costume, a few female friends came up with the idea, found the costume and gave it to me. All I had to do was wear it for the party. (I was the Karate Kid, if you were wondering.) But now a friend from work is throwing a big Halloween bash and costumes are required, even for those of us who will be arriving around midnight after work. I suggested that I could go as a copy editor who just got off of work, but that didn't fly. Then I suggested I could be a slutty copy editor who just got off of work, but that quickly got knocked down, too.
The only idea I've come up with so far is going as Clark Kent, mild-mannered reporter, and occasionally disappearing during the party, changing into Superman, and coming back, pretending as if I'm a totally different person. I could do something heroic like get a drink for someone, and then rush off, hurry back into the party as Clark Kent and ask, "What did I miss?" And keep doing that sort of thing all night. But I sense this is a better idea in theory than in practice. It would probably be more of a hassle than anything else, and because I'll be getting to the party so late, I think most of the people might be too drunk to appreciate the joke. Plus, while I have a Superman T-shirt, I'm lacking the rest of the ensemble.
So it's come down to this: I'm soliciting suggestions.
If it's something that doesn't require a ton of effort or money -- or me shaving my head -- that would be a plus.
The only idea I've come up with so far is going as Clark Kent, mild-mannered reporter, and occasionally disappearing during the party, changing into Superman, and coming back, pretending as if I'm a totally different person. I could do something heroic like get a drink for someone, and then rush off, hurry back into the party as Clark Kent and ask, "What did I miss?" And keep doing that sort of thing all night. But I sense this is a better idea in theory than in practice. It would probably be more of a hassle than anything else, and because I'll be getting to the party so late, I think most of the people might be too drunk to appreciate the joke. Plus, while I have a Superman T-shirt, I'm lacking the rest of the ensemble.
So it's come down to this: I'm soliciting suggestions.
If it's something that doesn't require a ton of effort or money -- or me shaving my head -- that would be a plus.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Belated news in a nutshell: Oct. 3-9
Signs of the coming apocalypse
It was clear last week that Mother Nature is pissed off, and she's not going to take it anymore.
It started with Central America, where Hurricane Stan caused massive flooding and mudslides. Then there was the earthquake and the volcano eruption in the region. Everything but Godzilla. Entire villages buried under mud have been abandoned and declared mass graveyards. It's believed that more than 2,000 have died from the disasters.
And while we're on hurricanes, we have only one name left on the list before we have to go to the Greek alphabet for the first time. Hurricane Vince formed in unusually cold water and headed toward Spain/Portugal, which it had heard were nice this time of year.
And there was Saturday's massive 7.6 earthquake in the Pakistan region, the death toll from which stands at more than 35,000 and is likely to continue to rise.
But Mother Nature isn't just striking out with major natural disasters. Besides the perennial primate problem, Mom Nature is sending her cronies the birds after us. Studies have estimated that as many as 2 million Americans could die in a flu pandemic, such as could happen if avian flu begins to spread more easily between humans. To help prevent this from happening, officials are strongly urging people to stop making out with chickens.
Come on, they don't even have lips.
Last week, President Bush named Harriet Miers as his choice to replace Sandra Day O'Connor on the Supreme Court. Predictably, there was criticism because she is a close friend of Bush but not a judge and because her political leanings are unclear. All of this usual criticism came from ... umm ... conservatives?!? That can't be right...
I'm telling you, guys, we're THIS close to fire and brimstone coming down from the skies, rivers and seas boiling, forty years of darkness, the dead rising from the grave, human sacrifice, cats and dogs living together ...
It ain't gonna be pretty.
Although the part where the monkeys take over the world could be pretty fun.
But now for some good news
The baseball playoffs began to provide some excitement after the Houston Astros ended the Atlanta Braves' season on Sunday in an 18-inning barn burner. Then the White Sox won a playoff series for the first time since the days of Shoeless Joe Jackson. The team had been considered cursed since it threw the 1919 World Series. The White Sox beat defending champions the Boston Red Sox, who had beaten their own curse last year.
Clearly, curses just aren't what they used to be.
What the ...?!?
A python was found in the Everglades with an alligator protruding from its belly after it had apparently tried to eat the gator whole, leading to both of their deaths. Scientists call it alarming because of the python's encroachment in a nonnative area.
Fox calls it new fall programming: "When Animals Attack Other Animals That Attack!"
It was clear last week that Mother Nature is pissed off, and she's not going to take it anymore.
It started with Central America, where Hurricane Stan caused massive flooding and mudslides. Then there was the earthquake and the volcano eruption in the region. Everything but Godzilla. Entire villages buried under mud have been abandoned and declared mass graveyards. It's believed that more than 2,000 have died from the disasters.
And while we're on hurricanes, we have only one name left on the list before we have to go to the Greek alphabet for the first time. Hurricane Vince formed in unusually cold water and headed toward Spain/Portugal, which it had heard were nice this time of year.
And there was Saturday's massive 7.6 earthquake in the Pakistan region, the death toll from which stands at more than 35,000 and is likely to continue to rise.
But Mother Nature isn't just striking out with major natural disasters. Besides the perennial primate problem, Mom Nature is sending her cronies the birds after us. Studies have estimated that as many as 2 million Americans could die in a flu pandemic, such as could happen if avian flu begins to spread more easily between humans. To help prevent this from happening, officials are strongly urging people to stop making out with chickens.
Come on, they don't even have lips.
Last week, President Bush named Harriet Miers as his choice to replace Sandra Day O'Connor on the Supreme Court. Predictably, there was criticism because she is a close friend of Bush but not a judge and because her political leanings are unclear. All of this usual criticism came from ... umm ... conservatives?!? That can't be right...
I'm telling you, guys, we're THIS close to fire and brimstone coming down from the skies, rivers and seas boiling, forty years of darkness, the dead rising from the grave, human sacrifice, cats and dogs living together ...
It ain't gonna be pretty.
Although the part where the monkeys take over the world could be pretty fun.
But now for some good news
The baseball playoffs began to provide some excitement after the Houston Astros ended the Atlanta Braves' season on Sunday in an 18-inning barn burner. Then the White Sox won a playoff series for the first time since the days of Shoeless Joe Jackson. The team had been considered cursed since it threw the 1919 World Series. The White Sox beat defending champions the Boston Red Sox, who had beaten their own curse last year.
Clearly, curses just aren't what they used to be.
What the ...?!?
A python was found in the Everglades with an alligator protruding from its belly after it had apparently tried to eat the gator whole, leading to both of their deaths. Scientists call it alarming because of the python's encroachment in a nonnative area.
Fox calls it new fall programming: "When Animals Attack Other Animals That Attack!"
Monday, October 10, 2005
Serenity soap box
News in a nutshell will be forthcoming either later this week or, if you're really lucky, maybe you'll get an expanded edition next week! Woohoo! I know you're excited; try not to hide it.
Anyhow, I saw "Serenity" for the second time this weekend and was pleasantly surprised that the theater on Sunday afternoon was pretty much full -- and with a lot of families and older adults. I even heard a group of women on the way out discussing how many times they had cried during the movie. (General consensus: 4) So even the ladies love it. It just goes to show that the movie has broad appeal, even if you're not a Joss Whedon or "Firefly" fan. I'm just saying, in case that's what was holding you back...
In other movie news, my review of the new "Wallace and Gromit" movie is up at Gig Matrix.
Anyhow, I saw "Serenity" for the second time this weekend and was pleasantly surprised that the theater on Sunday afternoon was pretty much full -- and with a lot of families and older adults. I even heard a group of women on the way out discussing how many times they had cried during the movie. (General consensus: 4) So even the ladies love it. It just goes to show that the movie has broad appeal, even if you're not a Joss Whedon or "Firefly" fan. I'm just saying, in case that's what was holding you back...
In other movie news, my review of the new "Wallace and Gromit" movie is up at Gig Matrix.
Saturday, October 08, 2005
Running through my mind
I was supposed to run a 5K this morning. It was to benefit hurricane relief efforts and would be in the local botanical gardens. But it was raining (as it has been for the past day and a half), and the three of us at work who had decided to do this had decided last night: "If it's raining, screw that. Sprinkling, fine. But pouring rain, no way, not fun."
Not that I think waking up at 6:30 a.m. to run a 5K on 4 hours of sleep when I'm in crap shape is all that fun anyhow. But hey, it was for charity. I have to admit, though, when I woke up and saw that it was raining, I was a little happy. I'd already paid the registration fee online, so it's not like I was depriving the Red Cross of money or anything. And it let me go back to sleep.
Then I dreamed (something I rarely remember doing) about being a soldier in "The Lord of the Rings" who was fighting bad guys in Middle Earth while eating Chinese takeout.
Whacked out crap like this is why I usually think it's best that I don't remember my dreams.
Not that I think waking up at 6:30 a.m. to run a 5K on 4 hours of sleep when I'm in crap shape is all that fun anyhow. But hey, it was for charity. I have to admit, though, when I woke up and saw that it was raining, I was a little happy. I'd already paid the registration fee online, so it's not like I was depriving the Red Cross of money or anything. And it let me go back to sleep.
Then I dreamed (something I rarely remember doing) about being a soldier in "The Lord of the Rings" who was fighting bad guys in Middle Earth while eating Chinese takeout.
Whacked out crap like this is why I usually think it's best that I don't remember my dreams.
Thursday, October 06, 2005
A nickel for your thoughts
A few random comments:
1) I've got a breakdown of a lot of the new fall TV shows up on Gig Matrix if you're interested.
2) Does anyone else think the buffalo on the back of the new nickel is a little too anatomically correct? (It's a male buffalo, by the way.) Some things, like Bat suits with nipples, just shouldn't be that true to nature.
3) Lest you worry, the cooking odyssey is still going well. On this week's menu was apricot-sauced pork medallions (with rice and chocolate chip cookies for dessert). It was easy and tasty. Although I still don't really know what it means when it says to make the pork into medallions. But I did get to use a meat tenderizer. And that was fun. More meals should involve beating meat ... er, pounding loins ... I mean ... whacking ... no ... hitting your food with a mallet. Yes, that's it. I think it taps into a guy's inner caveman. It's like clubbing your dinner to death but without having to hunt it down first.
1) I've got a breakdown of a lot of the new fall TV shows up on Gig Matrix if you're interested.
2) Does anyone else think the buffalo on the back of the new nickel is a little too anatomically correct? (It's a male buffalo, by the way.) Some things, like Bat suits with nipples, just shouldn't be that true to nature.
3) Lest you worry, the cooking odyssey is still going well. On this week's menu was apricot-sauced pork medallions (with rice and chocolate chip cookies for dessert). It was easy and tasty. Although I still don't really know what it means when it says to make the pork into medallions. But I did get to use a meat tenderizer. And that was fun. More meals should involve beating meat ... er, pounding loins ... I mean ... whacking ... no ... hitting your food with a mallet. Yes, that's it. I think it taps into a guy's inner caveman. It's like clubbing your dinner to death but without having to hunt it down first.
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Lions and tickets and bears, oh my!
A day after President Bush urged Americans to drive less, I took a six-hour drive to South Carolina to visit Southern Belle and Daisy. I got my first speeding ticket not long into the drive. (By that, I mean it was my first speeding ticket ever, not the first of many speeding tickets for the trip.) I was in the midst of a bunch of small towns notorious for making most of their money off of ticketing motorists on their way to the major southbound interstate. Dumb move on my part.
I was very pleasant with the officer, but apparently I took it unusually well because after he gave me the ticket he said, "Uhh ... can I ask you something? Are you always this happy?"
Me: "Umm..."
Officer: "Because you are, by far, the happiest person I've pulled over today. Are you just sort of a happy-go-lucky kind of person?"
Me: "I don't know. I guess. I figured the ticket was sort of inevitable after you pulled me over, so no sense getting mad about it."
Officer: "Huh. All right..."
Then he told me where there would be more cops ahead, I asked him how long till the junction with the interstate and we both went on our ways. I have to say the overall experience was far more pleasant than I thought it would be. Even though niceness is apparently not nearly as effective at getting you out of a ticket as crying or cleavage.
Anyhow, the trip was good -- the right balance between low-key and activity that makes you feel like you were actually on a short vacation rather than a whirlwind of activity that leaves wishing you could have a vacation after your vacation. I discovered several things:
1) Daisy is still a good pool hustler, even though if she wants to hit that cue ball into the pocket, then by golly, she'll do it with authority.
2) Columbia is apparently quite proud of chickens (there are a lot of sports mascots named after poultry), the Confederate flag and its library, which is absolutely huge and supernice.
3) Random children on a class field trip will go up to two complete strangers throwing a Frisbee in the park and join in. And they will never get tired, no matter how ragged the adults are run. (OK, how ragged the other adult is run. I mostly watched and laughed.)
4) You may be able to drink all night and into the morning at a bar in Columbia, but trying to find a place to get an ice cream cone at 10:30 p.m. is dang near impossible.
I also had lunch at a place where apparently President Bush once ate a hamburger and mixed it up with the regular folk. I think they've since had that table bronzed.
And I went to the local zoo, which is suprisingly good for a city of Columbia's size. There are lots of interactive exhibits and opportunities to feed the animals, including the giraffes, which is pretty cool. And they have a glass wall next to the gorilla exhibit so that you can sit next to the great apes, even the ones with anger management issues. And if you're a small child, you can sit and point at the gorilla and say, "Monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey ..." repeatedly for, like, 15 minutes. As Southern Belle pointed out, if you know the word "monkey," how often do you actually get to use it correctly? It's apparently quite exciting.
You can also watch one Galapagos giant tortoise try to hump another tortoise from the totally wrong direction (the side, in case you were wondering); leading me to question how Darwin came up with his theory. You can watch the zoo keepers feed a variety of animals, including sea lions, which do tricks, and penguins, which are just funny to watch. They also have koalas -- and those cuddly guys never get old.
All in all, pretty cool.
I was very pleasant with the officer, but apparently I took it unusually well because after he gave me the ticket he said, "Uhh ... can I ask you something? Are you always this happy?"
Me: "Umm..."
Officer: "Because you are, by far, the happiest person I've pulled over today. Are you just sort of a happy-go-lucky kind of person?"
Me: "I don't know. I guess. I figured the ticket was sort of inevitable after you pulled me over, so no sense getting mad about it."
Officer: "Huh. All right..."
Then he told me where there would be more cops ahead, I asked him how long till the junction with the interstate and we both went on our ways. I have to say the overall experience was far more pleasant than I thought it would be. Even though niceness is apparently not nearly as effective at getting you out of a ticket as crying or cleavage.
Anyhow, the trip was good -- the right balance between low-key and activity that makes you feel like you were actually on a short vacation rather than a whirlwind of activity that leaves wishing you could have a vacation after your vacation. I discovered several things:
1) Daisy is still a good pool hustler, even though if she wants to hit that cue ball into the pocket, then by golly, she'll do it with authority.
2) Columbia is apparently quite proud of chickens (there are a lot of sports mascots named after poultry), the Confederate flag and its library, which is absolutely huge and supernice.
3) Random children on a class field trip will go up to two complete strangers throwing a Frisbee in the park and join in. And they will never get tired, no matter how ragged the adults are run. (OK, how ragged the other adult is run. I mostly watched and laughed.)
4) You may be able to drink all night and into the morning at a bar in Columbia, but trying to find a place to get an ice cream cone at 10:30 p.m. is dang near impossible.
I also had lunch at a place where apparently President Bush once ate a hamburger and mixed it up with the regular folk. I think they've since had that table bronzed.
And I went to the local zoo, which is suprisingly good for a city of Columbia's size. There are lots of interactive exhibits and opportunities to feed the animals, including the giraffes, which is pretty cool. And they have a glass wall next to the gorilla exhibit so that you can sit next to the great apes, even the ones with anger management issues. And if you're a small child, you can sit and point at the gorilla and say, "Monkey, monkey, monkey, monkey ..." repeatedly for, like, 15 minutes. As Southern Belle pointed out, if you know the word "monkey," how often do you actually get to use it correctly? It's apparently quite exciting.
You can also watch one Galapagos giant tortoise try to hump another tortoise from the totally wrong direction (the side, in case you were wondering); leading me to question how Darwin came up with his theory. You can watch the zoo keepers feed a variety of animals, including sea lions, which do tricks, and penguins, which are just funny to watch. They also have koalas -- and those cuddly guys never get old.
All in all, pretty cool.
Monday, October 03, 2005
News in a nutshell: Sept. 26-Oct. 2
Sound smart
The Senate confirmed John Roberts as chief justice of the United States on Thursday by a 78-22 vote. Roberts, 50, is the youngest chief justice since John Marshall in 1801. Unfortunately, this has led to some hazing from the other justices, who forced Roberts to wear a diaper and hoisted him up the flag pole outside the Supreme Court.
By Sunday, firefighters had gained a fair amount of control over several fires raging in Southern California, some of which threatened Los Angeles. So for those of you keeping count of natural disasters, that's a hurricane that wiped out New Orleans and a fire that's threatening Los Angeles. We're one giant monster away from me being convinced that we're all inside some kid's SimCity game.
Bush last week urged Americans to drive less and conserve energy. This was bad news for anyone who relies on geothermal heating as I'm pretty sure Hell just froze over.
Boring, but important
Rep. Tom DeLay stepped down as House majority leader Wednesday after being indicted on a conspiracy charge, accused of illegally funneling money from corporations to Republican candidates for the Texas Legislature. DeLay denied any wrongdoing saying that between this most recent accusation and the three times he was admonished last year by the House ethics committee, he was tired of the "blame game" and just wanted to get back to the business of getting that promised aid to the Republican candidates who so desperately need it.
The House passed a major revision of the Endangered Species Act. The bill would require property owners to be paid if their development is foiled by those pesky endangered animals, puts political appointees in charge of making scientific decisions and gives the government a smaller role in protecting habitat. All of which is aimed at protecting the most endangered species of all:
The property developer.
Sorry to say
Three suicide bombers killed at least 22 people in Bali, Indonesia, over the weekend. But because their heads were found intact, investigators have been showing pictures of the severed heads on TV and in the papers in the hopes that someone can identify them.
Ewww. That's all. Just ewww.
And now for some good news
International monitors say the IRA has destroyed its arsenal of weapons. Of course, this may require the Irish Republican Army to change its name, because what kind of an army doesn't have weapons?
(Answer: A Canadian army)
What the ...?!?
Gorillas in the wild have been observed using tools for the first time. They appeared to be making swords and fashioning armor for themselves. But I'm sure there's no reason to worry...
A veterinarian successfully removed a 13-inch long knife from the stomach of a St. Bernard puppy that had eaten it. For the puppy's next trick, it will juggle flaming bowling pins, while riding a unicycle.
The Supreme Court agreed to hear Anna Nicole Smith's appeal to get part of the inheritance of her late husband, whom she married when he was 89 and she was 26. But no matter how the court rules, Anna Nicole Smith will have the opportunity to cavort with a bunch of wealthy, elderly men, and the justices will have a chance to do the same with her. So really, everyone wins.
More theater of the absurd in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina:
Last week, Louisiana politicians sought $40 billion for projects by the Army Corps of Engineers. However, many of these projects have nothing to do with preventing flooding or providing hurricane relief and were recommended by a panel made up largely of ... wait for it ... corporate lobbyists. The proposal would also exempt the projects from any pesky environmental laws and forgo cost-sharing so that federal taxpayers pick up the whole tab. Some of the projects not related to the hurricane that would be financed: a 50-year-old plan to create a lock in the New Orleans Industrial Canal, deepening a port for oil and gas tankers, and providing a pony to every resident of Louisiana who moves back into the area.
On Tuesday, former FEMA Director Michael "Brownie" Brown told a congressional panel, "My biggest mistake was not recognizing by Saturday that Louisiana was dysfunctional." Proving yet again just how out of touch with reality he has been.
Of all the tales of needed supplies or volunteers that were turned back or left unused, perhaps the most interesting is the journey of about 182 million pounds of ice, about 59 percent of which went unused. One truck driver's route, which was not uncommon, went like this: He picked up the ice in Greenville, Pa., went to Carthage, Mo., where he was diverted to Montgomery, Ala., where he was sent to Camp Shelby, Miss., where he was sent to Selma, Ala., after which he spent a week in Emporia, Va. He was then finally sent to Fremont, Neb., where he unloaded the ice in a government-rented storage freezer.
Total miles traveled: 4,177
Amount driver was paid: $4,500
Amount of ice delivered: 0
The job that Brownie, FEMA and all levels of government have done in response to Katrina: priceless
The Senate confirmed John Roberts as chief justice of the United States on Thursday by a 78-22 vote. Roberts, 50, is the youngest chief justice since John Marshall in 1801. Unfortunately, this has led to some hazing from the other justices, who forced Roberts to wear a diaper and hoisted him up the flag pole outside the Supreme Court.
By Sunday, firefighters had gained a fair amount of control over several fires raging in Southern California, some of which threatened Los Angeles. So for those of you keeping count of natural disasters, that's a hurricane that wiped out New Orleans and a fire that's threatening Los Angeles. We're one giant monster away from me being convinced that we're all inside some kid's SimCity game.
Bush last week urged Americans to drive less and conserve energy. This was bad news for anyone who relies on geothermal heating as I'm pretty sure Hell just froze over.
Boring, but important
Rep. Tom DeLay stepped down as House majority leader Wednesday after being indicted on a conspiracy charge, accused of illegally funneling money from corporations to Republican candidates for the Texas Legislature. DeLay denied any wrongdoing saying that between this most recent accusation and the three times he was admonished last year by the House ethics committee, he was tired of the "blame game" and just wanted to get back to the business of getting that promised aid to the Republican candidates who so desperately need it.
The House passed a major revision of the Endangered Species Act. The bill would require property owners to be paid if their development is foiled by those pesky endangered animals, puts political appointees in charge of making scientific decisions and gives the government a smaller role in protecting habitat. All of which is aimed at protecting the most endangered species of all:
The property developer.
Sorry to say
Three suicide bombers killed at least 22 people in Bali, Indonesia, over the weekend. But because their heads were found intact, investigators have been showing pictures of the severed heads on TV and in the papers in the hopes that someone can identify them.
Ewww. That's all. Just ewww.
And now for some good news
International monitors say the IRA has destroyed its arsenal of weapons. Of course, this may require the Irish Republican Army to change its name, because what kind of an army doesn't have weapons?
(Answer: A Canadian army)
What the ...?!?
Gorillas in the wild have been observed using tools for the first time. They appeared to be making swords and fashioning armor for themselves. But I'm sure there's no reason to worry...
A veterinarian successfully removed a 13-inch long knife from the stomach of a St. Bernard puppy that had eaten it. For the puppy's next trick, it will juggle flaming bowling pins, while riding a unicycle.
The Supreme Court agreed to hear Anna Nicole Smith's appeal to get part of the inheritance of her late husband, whom she married when he was 89 and she was 26. But no matter how the court rules, Anna Nicole Smith will have the opportunity to cavort with a bunch of wealthy, elderly men, and the justices will have a chance to do the same with her. So really, everyone wins.
More theater of the absurd in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina:
Last week, Louisiana politicians sought $40 billion for projects by the Army Corps of Engineers. However, many of these projects have nothing to do with preventing flooding or providing hurricane relief and were recommended by a panel made up largely of ... wait for it ... corporate lobbyists. The proposal would also exempt the projects from any pesky environmental laws and forgo cost-sharing so that federal taxpayers pick up the whole tab. Some of the projects not related to the hurricane that would be financed: a 50-year-old plan to create a lock in the New Orleans Industrial Canal, deepening a port for oil and gas tankers, and providing a pony to every resident of Louisiana who moves back into the area.
On Tuesday, former FEMA Director Michael "Brownie" Brown told a congressional panel, "My biggest mistake was not recognizing by Saturday that Louisiana was dysfunctional." Proving yet again just how out of touch with reality he has been.
Of all the tales of needed supplies or volunteers that were turned back or left unused, perhaps the most interesting is the journey of about 182 million pounds of ice, about 59 percent of which went unused. One truck driver's route, which was not uncommon, went like this: He picked up the ice in Greenville, Pa., went to Carthage, Mo., where he was diverted to Montgomery, Ala., where he was sent to Camp Shelby, Miss., where he was sent to Selma, Ala., after which he spent a week in Emporia, Va. He was then finally sent to Fremont, Neb., where he unloaded the ice in a government-rented storage freezer.
Total miles traveled: 4,177
Amount driver was paid: $4,500
Amount of ice delivered: 0
The job that Brownie, FEMA and all levels of government have done in response to Katrina: priceless
Sunday, October 02, 2005
And hold the salmonella
I was making a sandwich before work yesterday when I happened to look at the jar of mayonnaise and realized it had expired in January 2005.
I know, I know: Eeewwwwwww.
It should be noted that I don't use mayonnaise that often, so a small jar can last awhile, but I sniffed the mayo (seemed OK) and then tossed it. I figured I'd been lucky enough until now not to poison myself, no need to push it.
But I started thinking about it later and something is totally amiss with that expiration date. I didn't move until the end of February and I sure as heck didn't move the jar of mayonnaise with me, so I would have bought it at least a month after it supposedly expired -- leading me to believe that either the date was wrong or my local grocery store is selling expired food. (Farm Fresh my ass.)
Makes me glad I largely switched grocery stores -- the one I go to now has a much higher percentage of hotties roaming the aisles and, more importantly (OK, a little less importantly), it's not trying to kill me.
I know, I know: Eeewwwwwww.
It should be noted that I don't use mayonnaise that often, so a small jar can last awhile, but I sniffed the mayo (seemed OK) and then tossed it. I figured I'd been lucky enough until now not to poison myself, no need to push it.
But I started thinking about it later and something is totally amiss with that expiration date. I didn't move until the end of February and I sure as heck didn't move the jar of mayonnaise with me, so I would have bought it at least a month after it supposedly expired -- leading me to believe that either the date was wrong or my local grocery store is selling expired food. (Farm Fresh my ass.)
Makes me glad I largely switched grocery stores -- the one I go to now has a much higher percentage of hotties roaming the aisles and, more importantly (OK, a little less importantly), it's not trying to kill me.
Friday, September 30, 2005
Serenity
More stories soon, but I just have to say quick that you should all go see the movie "Serenity." My fellow Gig Matrix writers have already written quite a bit about it, so I won't review it, but suffice to say that if you liked "Firefly" (the TV series it was based off of), or any of Joss Whedon's other works ("Buffy" and "Angel"), you HAVE to go see this movie. And even if you didn't see "Firefly," you won't be lost. It's a fantastic action/adventure movie with great fights, Joss' trademark humor, captivating drama and it's even more intense and darker than I would have expected (which works really well).
What I'm trying to say is, if you don't go see this movie ... well, then the terrorists will have won.
So you should go. Now.
What I'm trying to say is, if you don't go see this movie ... well, then the terrorists will have won.
So you should go. Now.
Monday, September 26, 2005
News in a nutshell: Sept. 19-25
Sound smart
Hurricane Rita came ashore on the Texas-Louisiana border as a category 3 storm. While it caused mass evacuations, flooding (including in New Orleans -- again) and a good deal of damage, it was not as devastating as many had feared. Twenty-four elderly people died trying to evacuate the Houston area when their bus caught fire, but only two people's deaths have been attributed to the storm. And don't worry -- the oil is safe.
A JetBlue airplane made an emergency landing Wednesday after its front wheel got stuck sideways. I know JetBlue is a discount airline, but is landing gear really the thing you want to skimp on? Because I'm actually willing to pay the extra money for that.
Kate Moss apologized for using cocaine and lost numerous ad campaigns. Oh, Kate. What happened to that girl who posed topless in underwear ads at the age of 14 and who made a career out of being "heroin chic"? Has fame really changed you so much?
NASA on Monday unveiled plans for a new generation of rockets to take humans back to the moon by 2018. The Bush administration has pushed to get man back to the moon and eventually Mars. I suspect they think there's oil there, or possibly weapons of mass destruction. We might also be colonizing the moon so that we can fight the Martians there, rather than here on Earth.
Boring, but important
A Senate committee approved 13-5 John Roberts' nomination for chief justice. The full Senate will vote this week, but he's expected to be confirmed and the debate has moved on to who will fill Sandra Day O'Connor's seat, leaving Roberts feeling a little ignored. He was overheard last week asking anyone who will listen: "Want to hear my position on Roe v. Wade? Anyone? Anyone? Come on ... Guys ... ???"
And now for some good news
Researchers are working on vaccines for several sexually transmitted diseases, although they would work best if given to children as young as 11. Some conservative groups are already alarmed, apparently fearing that the vaccines would also make children immune to sexual education.
What the ...?!?
A study has found women are cleaner than men -- at least as measured by the number of people who wash their hands in public restrooms. If you were smart enough to figure that out on your own, well, gosh, let me shake your hand ...
The government is considering a plan to put the faces of past presidents on the dollar coin, similar to the states quarter program. Because after the failure of the Eisenhower dollar, the Susan B. Anthony dollar and the gold Sacagawea dollar, I think it's clear that what the American people are really clamoring for is more dollar coins.
A reporter on a Dutch TV show for teenagers plans on using drugs on the air. Kate Moss is expected to guest star.
Hurricane Rita came ashore on the Texas-Louisiana border as a category 3 storm. While it caused mass evacuations, flooding (including in New Orleans -- again) and a good deal of damage, it was not as devastating as many had feared. Twenty-four elderly people died trying to evacuate the Houston area when their bus caught fire, but only two people's deaths have been attributed to the storm. And don't worry -- the oil is safe.
A JetBlue airplane made an emergency landing Wednesday after its front wheel got stuck sideways. I know JetBlue is a discount airline, but is landing gear really the thing you want to skimp on? Because I'm actually willing to pay the extra money for that.
Kate Moss apologized for using cocaine and lost numerous ad campaigns. Oh, Kate. What happened to that girl who posed topless in underwear ads at the age of 14 and who made a career out of being "heroin chic"? Has fame really changed you so much?
NASA on Monday unveiled plans for a new generation of rockets to take humans back to the moon by 2018. The Bush administration has pushed to get man back to the moon and eventually Mars. I suspect they think there's oil there, or possibly weapons of mass destruction. We might also be colonizing the moon so that we can fight the Martians there, rather than here on Earth.
Boring, but important
A Senate committee approved 13-5 John Roberts' nomination for chief justice. The full Senate will vote this week, but he's expected to be confirmed and the debate has moved on to who will fill Sandra Day O'Connor's seat, leaving Roberts feeling a little ignored. He was overheard last week asking anyone who will listen: "Want to hear my position on Roe v. Wade? Anyone? Anyone? Come on ... Guys ... ???"
And now for some good news
Researchers are working on vaccines for several sexually transmitted diseases, although they would work best if given to children as young as 11. Some conservative groups are already alarmed, apparently fearing that the vaccines would also make children immune to sexual education.
What the ...?!?
A study has found women are cleaner than men -- at least as measured by the number of people who wash their hands in public restrooms. If you were smart enough to figure that out on your own, well, gosh, let me shake your hand ...
The government is considering a plan to put the faces of past presidents on the dollar coin, similar to the states quarter program. Because after the failure of the Eisenhower dollar, the Susan B. Anthony dollar and the gold Sacagawea dollar, I think it's clear that what the American people are really clamoring for is more dollar coins.
A reporter on a Dutch TV show for teenagers plans on using drugs on the air. Kate Moss is expected to guest star.
Saturday, September 24, 2005
Beach bum
It's the end of September, but it was still hot enough for me to spend the afternoon at the beach before going into work Friday.
Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Minnesota anymore...
Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Minnesota anymore...
Thursday, September 22, 2005
A Lost cause
I had every intention of going out tonight and being sociable. A group of local young journalists was gathering at a bar at about 8 p.m. and so I was going to go and hang out with the few people I knew and hopefully make some new friends. Unfortunately, I was thinking it started an hour later than it did, and so I didn't start eating dinner until 8. By the time I realized my mistake it was 9 and the season premiere of "Lost" was on.
Decisions, decisions ...
I could go out and be friendly, meet some new people.
Or I could stay home, where I already was, and see what was at the bottom of that hatch.
Needless to say, the television won.
I feel kind of bad about it -- I mean, I'd already set my VCR to tape the show, but I really wanted to know what was going to happen! And of course, then I watched "Invasion" (which I'm not overly impressed with yet, but I'll give it a few episodes) and the "Daily Show." And by that time, well, it was really too late to be going out.
One day, when I'm a fat couch potato in my 40s and my only friends are the prepubescent boys that I'm playing Halo 16 with online, I think we'll be able to look back and trace the slow, downward spiral to this decision.
At least it was a good episode.
Decisions, decisions ...
I could go out and be friendly, meet some new people.
Or I could stay home, where I already was, and see what was at the bottom of that hatch.
Needless to say, the television won.
I feel kind of bad about it -- I mean, I'd already set my VCR to tape the show, but I really wanted to know what was going to happen! And of course, then I watched "Invasion" (which I'm not overly impressed with yet, but I'll give it a few episodes) and the "Daily Show." And by that time, well, it was really too late to be going out.
One day, when I'm a fat couch potato in my 40s and my only friends are the prepubescent boys that I'm playing Halo 16 with online, I think we'll be able to look back and trace the slow, downward spiral to this decision.
At least it was a good episode.
Monday, September 19, 2005
News in a nutshell: Sept. 12-18
Sound smart
On Monday, the last Israeli troops left the Gaza Strip and the Palestinians took control of the territory. Unfortunately, it became difficult to control the masses flowing into the area and destruction of property followed. See? The Palestinans aren't so different from Americans. Or at least American teenagers throwing a party after their parents have left for the weekend.
The people in Afghanistan defied numerous threats to vote for members of their parliament on Sunday. And while turnout was lower than hoped, it will be more than a week before results will be in. However, all the major media outlets have done their own exit polling and called the country for Dewey.
In other election news, there was no clear majority in the German vote for a new chancellor, causing major problems in the country. National strife over an election without a clear winner? Wow. I guess we really are spreading our democracy throughout the world...
Boring, but important
John Roberts went through Senate confirmation hearings as the senators peppered him with questions before voting whether to approve his nomination as chief justice. As expected, there was plenty of grandstanding by senators, and Roberts dodged a lot of the questions regarding his positions on legal issues. However, he was willing to draw the line in one case -- that of Smelt It v. Dealt It. He came down firmly on the side of precedent, citing, "He who smelt it, dealt it."
Delta Air Lines and Northwest Airlines filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy Wednesday. Soon enough, you'll be paying peanuts for a flight on those airlines.
Wait, I'm sorry, I meant paying FOR peanuts on a flight on those airlines.
Sorry to say
Al-Qaida in Iraq has declared war on Shiite civilians and killed 167 people in 14 bombings in Baghdad on Wednesday. More than 250 had been killed by violence by the end of the week.
And now for some good news
The 2005 Emmys were held Sunday. "Lost" won and "The Daily Show" got a couple of awards, so I can't complain too much. Plus, Go Fug Yourself always has some great stuff the day after an awards show, and this was no exception.
Eighteen days after Hurricane Katrina hit, rescuers found a man who had managed to survive trapped in his sweltering attic with only a gallon and a half of water. How did he get in this predicament? His family had evacuated, but he stayed to attend church and then took a nap. When he woke up, his house was rapidly flooding and he only had time to grab some water before retreating to the attic. I'm torn between thinking, "Man, good thing he went to church earlier" and "Man, God was really trying to kill that guy."
What the ...?!?
A comprehensive study on sexual behavior found that more than half of all teenagers 15-19 have had oral sex and, in a surprising increase, 14 percent of women 18-29 have had at least one sexual experience with another woman. I suggest buying stock in "Girls Gone Wild."
This was the first year schools and colleges were forced to teach something about the Constitution around Sept. 17, as required by a law passed last year. Some schools presented speeches or debates. Some served "presidential pierogies" and "patriotic pasta" or had faculty members do a samba parade dressed as articles and amendments. Guess which schools were taking the law more seriously?
A Toronto man set the world's record for watching TV at 69 hours and 48 minutes. Because he was in the lobby of an ABC station, he watched nothing but ABC shows. His streak ended Friday morning, no doubt when he realized that if he kept watching, he was going to be subjected to another "Live With Regis and Kelly."
Cell phones may soon offer porn. Because driving and talking on a cell phone wasn't dangerous enough ...
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Animal magnetism
I'm dog-sitting for a friend from work. It's pretty low-key as far as this sort of thing goes -- the dog's got a fenced in yard that he hangs out and runs around in, so I really just have to give him food once a day and make sure he doesn't run out of water. This is about my pace for dog-sitting. I'm not really a dog person. Or a pet person in general. I had a rabbit as a kid and some fish that I think killed each other, but that's it. I like animals, and they tend to like me; I've just never really felt the need to own one. Part of it is that I like to be able to leave for a couple days at a time, or even for the day, and not have to worry about a pet. Part of it is that I can barely commit to owning a plant, so you can understand my trepidation about an animal. (Also, I'm slightly allergic to some animals, but that's not usually too big of a deal.)
But I'm also a little uncomfortable with owning a pet because hanging out with one feels a lot to me like making small talk with a stranger. It's cool to hang out together for a bit, but after about 5-10 minutes, it just sort of gets awkward.
Take today with the dog, for instance. My friend left yesterday morning, so I stopped by late last night, but then I came over about noon today to give the dog food and do laundry, which my friend encouraged me to do at her house. After the initial salutations and sniffing (by the dog, not me), I poured the food and filled the water bowl. We played fetch for a while and then both get bored of that. We went inside the house while I started the laundry. I gave him a chewy thing and he laid down on the floor while I started reading the newspaper. After awhile, he finished that and came over to see what I was up to. I petted him for a little bit. And then we both got bored of that.
He went back to laying on the floor and looked at me as if to say:
"So ...."
Me: (pause) "So ...."
Dog: "Here we are."
Me: "Yep. ... Here we are."
Dog: "So how long before my owner gets back?"
Me: "A week and a half."
Dog: "..."
Me: "Sorry about that."
Dog: (Puts head back down and goes back to looking bored.)
(A moment later)
Me: "I don't guess you know any cool tricks -- like how to play dead? Or how to play 'Halo'?"
Dog: "Nope. ... You know any cool tricks?"
Me: "No. Not really. Sorry."
Dog: (shrugs)
(We go back to sort of staring at each other. Eventually, he starts licking himself and I go back to the paper.)
I fear it's going to be a long week and a half for the dog.
But I'm also a little uncomfortable with owning a pet because hanging out with one feels a lot to me like making small talk with a stranger. It's cool to hang out together for a bit, but after about 5-10 minutes, it just sort of gets awkward.
Take today with the dog, for instance. My friend left yesterday morning, so I stopped by late last night, but then I came over about noon today to give the dog food and do laundry, which my friend encouraged me to do at her house. After the initial salutations and sniffing (by the dog, not me), I poured the food and filled the water bowl. We played fetch for a while and then both get bored of that. We went inside the house while I started the laundry. I gave him a chewy thing and he laid down on the floor while I started reading the newspaper. After awhile, he finished that and came over to see what I was up to. I petted him for a little bit. And then we both got bored of that.
He went back to laying on the floor and looked at me as if to say:
"So ...."
Me: (pause) "So ...."
Dog: "Here we are."
Me: "Yep. ... Here we are."
Dog: "So how long before my owner gets back?"
Me: "A week and a half."
Dog: "..."
Me: "Sorry about that."
Dog: (Puts head back down and goes back to looking bored.)
(A moment later)
Me: "I don't guess you know any cool tricks -- like how to play dead? Or how to play 'Halo'?"
Dog: "Nope. ... You know any cool tricks?"
Me: "No. Not really. Sorry."
Dog: (shrugs)
(We go back to sort of staring at each other. Eventually, he starts licking himself and I go back to the paper.)
I fear it's going to be a long week and a half for the dog.
Monday, September 12, 2005
News in a nutshell: Sept. 5-11
Sound smart
Out of the Hurricane Katrina disaster, there have been many -- too many -- horrific tales, but there have also been moving and uplifting moments. And, of course, there have been some absurd moments. I share with you just a few of those:
1) Anything that had to do with a celebrity and how he/she felt about the disaster. I'm glad so many of them are donating and helping out with relief efforts, but why on Earth do I care how Celine Dion or Oprah feels about what happened? Seriously, people, the worshipping has gone too far...
2) President Bush said: "I don't think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees." Which would be true if you didn't take into account every major media outlet and expert on the subject. Which is why maybe it would be nice to have a leader who reads the frickin' newspaper.
3) When FEMA and White House officials were criticized for their response to the hurricane, they quickly chastised others for playing "the blame game" ... before pointing their fingers at the city and state governments. They also quickly added: "No tag-backs."
4) Finally, my personal favorite. When looting and chaos was rampant in New Orleans during the days after the hurricane struck and before help arrived, FEMA Director Michael Brown did not attribute the violence to the lack of security, desperation or myriad other factors. No, he placed the blame squarely where it belonged:
On video games.
"Some of these kids think this is a game," he said. "They somehow got their hands on a weapon. They think they are playing 'Pacman' or something and shooting at people. Those kinds of hot spots will continue, but I can tell you they will learn very quickly the 82nd Airborne does not like to be shot at. This is not a game."
PACMAN?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
THAT's what you're gonna go with? Not even "Grand Theft Auto"? I'm sorry, but if the day comes that we see rotund people running amok in the streets eating pellets and popping steroid pills before chasing guys named Blinky, Pinky, Inkey and Clyde, THEN we can blame "Pacman." But this?!?
Just sit down and be quiet, dude.
Check out an interesting analysis on the relief efforts and some of what went wrong at every level.
Sorry to say
Jerry Rice (the San Francisco treat) retired Monday after 20 seasons in the NFL. The receiver, who holds 38 NFL records, spent most of his time with the San Francisco 49ers, before playing for Oakland and Seattle, and then joining the Denver Broncos. He was one of football's greatest players, and I not only tip my hat to him, but I'm willing to incur the 15-yard penalty for excessively celebrating his career.
Bob Denver, best known as Gilligan of "Gilligan's Island" and Maynard G. Krebs of "The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis," has died. He will be cremated and his ashes scattered at sea during a three-hour tour. A three-hour tour...
What the ...?!?
As if the monkeys overrunning Puerto Rico on their way to Las Vegas weren't enough, our fight against the primates just got tougher with the discovery that chimps are able to detect and destroy traps.
Humanity is so screwed.
It ends up that George Washington, in his younger days, was probably quite a hottie. This discovery was made during the creation of a statue of Washington when he was 19 that will eventually be on display at Mount Vernon. I think this could lead to a host of marketing possibilities. For instance, Washington action figures with cherry-tree-chopping action.*
*Cherry tree sold separately.
Thursday, September 08, 2005
Batting 1000
I had today off of work and pretty much did nothing that resembled work or chores, except a quick trip to the grocery store. First, I went to the batting cage where, having learned from my past mistakes, I was careful to observe which speed I was selecting.
I started out with some slow softballs. No problem.
After a couple of rounds, I switched over to the medium-speed baseballs. The change in speed and from softballs to baseball took some adjustment, but I started to hit my groove.
But then the balls kept coming.
And coming.
I started to think, "Gee, this round sure is going a long time."
Then it became clear that the machine was stuck in the on position.
I kept hitting, partly because I wanted to see if it would ever stop, partly because, hey, free rounds of baseball! (I was the only one at the batting cages.) But after awhile, I started wearing down. I was just half-heartedly swinging, barely even trying to make contact. It was more a battle of will than anything just because I like to see things through.
But eventually, I had to concede to the machien and walked out of the cage, dragging my bat from exhaustion.
From there, I went to the accompanying driving range. Now, I've never actually played golf. I went to the driving range several times in high school for one gym class I took (OK, I took it twice -- it involved bowling, too). I also play a fierce game of mingolf, and I've driven a golf cart around a course before. But that's it.
I was also using the range's crappy club -- a 3 iron that was too short, I think. So it wasn't a huge surprise when my first shot sort of bounced off the tee and down onto the grass.
Second shot: A total whiff.
But eventually, I inconsistently got the hang of it. I hit some that were in the 140-150 range. (I assume it was measured in feet, but it didn't say for sure.) And I whiffed on several others. One I barely touched and it rolled off the tee as if blown over by the breeze. Several I banked off the divider right next to me.
It's a good thing nobody was too close to me or, I hope, watching.
Anyhow, after beginning my quest for one of those stylish green jackets, I headed to a park called, I kid you not, Mount Trashmore.
It is, in fact, a giant landfill that has been covered over and turned into a park and accompanying lake with trails. And it's not nearly as disgusting as you would think it would be. It's kind of nice except that it's sandwiched between an interstate and a major thoroughfare, so the serenity leaves a little to be desired, but it's still a nice hill and lake and, judging by the other people there, a good place to fly kites.
After last week's feast, I decided to forgo the cooking and just got pizza and a movie ("Monster," which was ... eh).
All in all, not a bad day.
I started out with some slow softballs. No problem.
After a couple of rounds, I switched over to the medium-speed baseballs. The change in speed and from softballs to baseball took some adjustment, but I started to hit my groove.
But then the balls kept coming.
And coming.
I started to think, "Gee, this round sure is going a long time."
Then it became clear that the machine was stuck in the on position.
I kept hitting, partly because I wanted to see if it would ever stop, partly because, hey, free rounds of baseball! (I was the only one at the batting cages.) But after awhile, I started wearing down. I was just half-heartedly swinging, barely even trying to make contact. It was more a battle of will than anything just because I like to see things through.
But eventually, I had to concede to the machien and walked out of the cage, dragging my bat from exhaustion.
From there, I went to the accompanying driving range. Now, I've never actually played golf. I went to the driving range several times in high school for one gym class I took (OK, I took it twice -- it involved bowling, too). I also play a fierce game of mingolf, and I've driven a golf cart around a course before. But that's it.
I was also using the range's crappy club -- a 3 iron that was too short, I think. So it wasn't a huge surprise when my first shot sort of bounced off the tee and down onto the grass.
Second shot: A total whiff.
But eventually, I inconsistently got the hang of it. I hit some that were in the 140-150 range. (I assume it was measured in feet, but it didn't say for sure.) And I whiffed on several others. One I barely touched and it rolled off the tee as if blown over by the breeze. Several I banked off the divider right next to me.
It's a good thing nobody was too close to me or, I hope, watching.
Anyhow, after beginning my quest for one of those stylish green jackets, I headed to a park called, I kid you not, Mount Trashmore.
It is, in fact, a giant landfill that has been covered over and turned into a park and accompanying lake with trails. And it's not nearly as disgusting as you would think it would be. It's kind of nice except that it's sandwiched between an interstate and a major thoroughfare, so the serenity leaves a little to be desired, but it's still a nice hill and lake and, judging by the other people there, a good place to fly kites.
After last week's feast, I decided to forgo the cooking and just got pizza and a movie ("Monster," which was ... eh).
All in all, not a bad day.
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
Follow-up
Knowing that at some points even police were being turned back from angry crowds and some were turning in their badges because of the situation in New Orleans, and that rescue workers were sometimes being shot at, and the extensive damage cut off most, if not all, routes into many areas destroyed by Katrina, I'm trying not to be too quick to assign blame. But it's clear that relief efforts did not go as they should have and tough questions will have to be answered at some point.
I thought the most moving example of the needless deaths was given by Aaron Broussard, president of Jefferson Parish, who spoke Sunday on NBC's "Meet the Press" about the elderly mother of a city employee trapped in a nursing home and waiting for rescue:
"Every day she called him and said, 'Are you coming, son? Is somebody coming?' And he said, 'Yeah, Mama, somebody's coming to get you.' 'Somebody's coming to get you on Tuesday.' 'Somebody's coming to get you on Wednesday.' 'Somebody's coming to get you on Thursday.' 'Somebody's coming to get you on Friday.' And she drowned Friday night. And she drowned Friday night." At that point, he broke into uncontrollable sobs. He later said, "It's not just Katrina that caused all these deaths in New Orleans here. Bureaucracy has committed murder here in the greater New Orleans area."
A clip of the interview, which has other shocking examples of refused aid, is up on iFilm, as is an emotional and angry segment on Fox News by, surprisingly, Geraldo Rivera and Shepard Smith, who seem completely baffled and distressed by the conditions that people are in almost a week after the hurricane hit.
Incidentally, for those that argue there was no way to see this sort of thing coming, the Times Picayune did a series (up on their Web site) three years ago about the sort of catastrophe a a major hurricane could cause. It is eerily prescient now.
In closing, I thought this was an interesting opinion piece about the relief efforts and the media.
I thought the most moving example of the needless deaths was given by Aaron Broussard, president of Jefferson Parish, who spoke Sunday on NBC's "Meet the Press" about the elderly mother of a city employee trapped in a nursing home and waiting for rescue:
"Every day she called him and said, 'Are you coming, son? Is somebody coming?' And he said, 'Yeah, Mama, somebody's coming to get you.' 'Somebody's coming to get you on Tuesday.' 'Somebody's coming to get you on Wednesday.' 'Somebody's coming to get you on Thursday.' 'Somebody's coming to get you on Friday.' And she drowned Friday night. And she drowned Friday night." At that point, he broke into uncontrollable sobs. He later said, "It's not just Katrina that caused all these deaths in New Orleans here. Bureaucracy has committed murder here in the greater New Orleans area."
A clip of the interview, which has other shocking examples of refused aid, is up on iFilm, as is an emotional and angry segment on Fox News by, surprisingly, Geraldo Rivera and Shepard Smith, who seem completely baffled and distressed by the conditions that people are in almost a week after the hurricane hit.
Incidentally, for those that argue there was no way to see this sort of thing coming, the Times Picayune did a series (up on their Web site) three years ago about the sort of catastrophe a a major hurricane could cause. It is eerily prescient now.
In closing, I thought this was an interesting opinion piece about the relief efforts and the media.
News in a nutshell: Aug. 29-Sept. 4
Sound smart
Well, obviously the biggest news of the week was the devastation wrought by Hurricane Katrina. If for some reason you didn't already know, the quick version of events is this:
Hurricane Katrina made landfall early last Monday, veering east at the last minute and sparing New Orleans a direct hit. However, that was of little comfort the next day when a few of the levees broke and 80 percent of New Orleans became submerged in water, up to 20 feet deep in places. One-third of New Orleans residents live in poverty; the same amount don't own cars. So many were unable to evacuate the city. Thousands fled to the Superdome or the convention center and endured days of squalid conditions. Others took refuge in their houses -- a fatal decision for many. Many were rescued from rooftops. Because of the extensive damage and flooding, among other reasons, the aid and rescue was slow to come. Lawlessness and anarchy reigned for among the desperate survivors, with looting and violence rampant. Soldiers and help have since begun to arrive and tens of thousands of people have been evacuated from the city to other areas of the country. It will be months before the water is drained, the power restored and the city is even close to being habitable. It will be years before it is rebuilt. Rescuers spent most of the week pushing aside the dead bodies in the water in their search for survivors, so the death toll is unknown. But is expected to be in the thousands and some officials have said as high as 10,000. Communities in Mississippi were especially hit hard as well, especially around Gulfport -- some towns were completely destroyed. The entire Gulf Coast is in shambles. Katrina will most likely be the costliest hurricane on record. Hundreds of thousands of people have nowhere to go -- they've lost their homes, their jobs, their possessions, everything but the clothes they were wearing and any meager items they might have taken with them when they left. They have nothing but an uncertain future.
For those interested in helping, the Red Cross is the main organization taking donations, but there are many other ways to help. Wired News has compiled a list of hurricane-related links. The ladies over at Fug have amassed an extensive list of relief organizations and also stores where you can shop to help out the survivors. I suggest checking out your local media outlets for local opportunities to help. This will be especially needed as the displaced are transferred to various cities around the country.
For more information, the Times Picayune's Web site has photo galleries, stories, info on areas and missing people, and host of other things.
In other important but also sad news, in Baghdad, Iraq, on Wednesday, 950 people -- mostly women and children -- died in a stampede after rumors of a suicide bomber spread through a procession of Shiite pilgrims.
Also, United States Chief Justice William Rehnquist died Saturday night at the age of 80. He had served on the Supreme Court for 33 years. President Bush has nominated John Roberts, who had been tapped for Sandra Day O'Connor's associate justice position, to become the new chief justice. Confirmation hearings will be held in the next week or so.
It should be noted that Pat Robertson, not that along ago, prayed for more openings on the Supreme Court. I would officially like to apologize for making fun of him last week and say, "Mr. Robertson, please don't have God smite me, too."
And that was pretty much the week. I wish had funny, crazy news or good news. Hell, I wish I had something boring. All I can say is: sorry.
Here's hoping this week is better.
Monday, September 05, 2005
The Bachelor Bakes, Part II: Back in the Kitchen
"This time, it's personal."
You may recall my failed attempt at the chocolate and cherry cookies a couple of weeks ago. Well, this afternoon I decided to give it another go. I used chocolate chips instead of way too much of the wrong kind of chocolate. And I was careful to make what I thought were 1-inch balls of dough for the cookies. But apparently my default setting for cookies really is ginormous, and I still ended up with half as many balls of dough as I was supposed to have. So I begrudgingly cut them in half and made smaller cookies.
See, sometimes I can exhibit self-control and learn from my mistakes.
This time, the cookies turned out excellent, if I do say so myself.
As a bonus, I had some left over cherries and left over frosting, so I created my own chocolate-covered cherries. Mmmmm....
Score one for perseverance in the kitchen!
You may recall my failed attempt at the chocolate and cherry cookies a couple of weeks ago. Well, this afternoon I decided to give it another go. I used chocolate chips instead of way too much of the wrong kind of chocolate. And I was careful to make what I thought were 1-inch balls of dough for the cookies. But apparently my default setting for cookies really is ginormous, and I still ended up with half as many balls of dough as I was supposed to have. So I begrudgingly cut them in half and made smaller cookies.
See, sometimes I can exhibit self-control and learn from my mistakes.
This time, the cookies turned out excellent, if I do say so myself.
As a bonus, I had some left over cherries and left over frosting, so I created my own chocolate-covered cherries. Mmmmm....
Score one for perseverance in the kitchen!
Friday, September 02, 2005
Cooking up trouble
It's possible I went a little overboard in my cooking efforts this week. Shutterbug sent me a cookbook of 30-minute meals, and so I picked a couple out to make on my night off work. On the menu: sea scallops with vermouth (over a bed of artichoke hearts and assorted other things) with a side of veal scaloppini with wine, mushrooms and green olives.
Now this is ambitious for two reasons -- the menu sounds very impressive and the meals involve a lot of things I was pretty sure I don't like (artichoke hearts, mushrooms, green olives, etc.) But I like scallops, meat and linguini. So I figured if I was going to expand my horizons, I ought to jump in with both feet.
Unfortunately, not everything went quite as planned.
I started with the scallops with vermouth, which wasn't much of a problem -- once I consulted a friend about what exactly vermouth was and where to get it. (Alcohol isn't exactly my forte.) I pulled that together pretty quickly and thought, "Hey, this isn't so bad!"
Oh, silly, silly Briguy.
I began with putting together the veal scaloppini by cooking the linguini. No problem. Then I started putting together the other stuff, which involved chopping a lot of things. I was very excited to be using my new food chopper (thanks to all who suggested it -- it's made my prep time infinitely shorter) but I'm still getting the hang of it. I wasn't chopping so much as obliterating most of the things I put in there. And I found out it doesn't work so well for raw bacon. That mostly makes a mess. And while I was scooping out this bacony mess, it occurred to me that I hadn't taken the blade part of the chopper out yet. I realized this when I sliced my finger on the blade.
I quickly used a paper towel to put pressure on the wound while removing the rather sharp blade and putting the rest of the bacon into the frying pan. This gave me two to three minutes before the next ingredient needed to be added.
So I ran into the bathroom and tried to stem the flow of blood. Eventually, I got to the point where I could put a Band-Aid on it and went back into the kitchen.
Onion was next on the list, so I cleaned the chopper out and began peeling the onion over the trash can, trying hard not to use the middle finger of my right hand because blood was starting to seep around the Band-Aid and I didn't want to get it on the onion.
Then my eyes started to water.
It was about that time that I dropped the onion in the garbage can.
Luckily, it landed on a plastic bag I had stuck in there only moments ago, so I picked it up, washed it off and finished what I was doing. (Don't look at me like I'm gross -- it's not like I was George eating an eclair out of the garbage...)
Anyhow, after that was chopped and added to the mix, I went back to the bathroom to replace the bandage and that pretty much took care of that. But shortly after that, after cooking the meat, the directions got a little confusing, my scallops were getting cold and I was tired of all the cooking, especially since at that point I was just making things I didn't really have an interest in. So I just ditched the rest of the recipe, added the veal to the linguini sans the mushrooms, olives and the rest of that stuff.
At this point, it was also apparent that I had more food than I could possibly consume. While the Food Network's Rachel Ray was cooking multicourse meals for families of at least four, I was cooking for one. And I still had pan-seared shrimp and scallop skewers to make the next day. (They turned out just great, thanks.) But that basically gave me enough food for 12 meals.
I ate what I could (not a fan of the artichoke, as it ends up), and I'll be eating the rest for the next 5 days until the laws of good health demand that one throw the food out.
Next time, I think I'll just make one meal at a time.
Now this is ambitious for two reasons -- the menu sounds very impressive and the meals involve a lot of things I was pretty sure I don't like (artichoke hearts, mushrooms, green olives, etc.) But I like scallops, meat and linguini. So I figured if I was going to expand my horizons, I ought to jump in with both feet.
Unfortunately, not everything went quite as planned.
I started with the scallops with vermouth, which wasn't much of a problem -- once I consulted a friend about what exactly vermouth was and where to get it. (Alcohol isn't exactly my forte.) I pulled that together pretty quickly and thought, "Hey, this isn't so bad!"
Oh, silly, silly Briguy.
I began with putting together the veal scaloppini by cooking the linguini. No problem. Then I started putting together the other stuff, which involved chopping a lot of things. I was very excited to be using my new food chopper (thanks to all who suggested it -- it's made my prep time infinitely shorter) but I'm still getting the hang of it. I wasn't chopping so much as obliterating most of the things I put in there. And I found out it doesn't work so well for raw bacon. That mostly makes a mess. And while I was scooping out this bacony mess, it occurred to me that I hadn't taken the blade part of the chopper out yet. I realized this when I sliced my finger on the blade.
I quickly used a paper towel to put pressure on the wound while removing the rather sharp blade and putting the rest of the bacon into the frying pan. This gave me two to three minutes before the next ingredient needed to be added.
So I ran into the bathroom and tried to stem the flow of blood. Eventually, I got to the point where I could put a Band-Aid on it and went back into the kitchen.
Onion was next on the list, so I cleaned the chopper out and began peeling the onion over the trash can, trying hard not to use the middle finger of my right hand because blood was starting to seep around the Band-Aid and I didn't want to get it on the onion.
Then my eyes started to water.
It was about that time that I dropped the onion in the garbage can.
Luckily, it landed on a plastic bag I had stuck in there only moments ago, so I picked it up, washed it off and finished what I was doing. (Don't look at me like I'm gross -- it's not like I was George eating an eclair out of the garbage...)
Anyhow, after that was chopped and added to the mix, I went back to the bathroom to replace the bandage and that pretty much took care of that. But shortly after that, after cooking the meat, the directions got a little confusing, my scallops were getting cold and I was tired of all the cooking, especially since at that point I was just making things I didn't really have an interest in. So I just ditched the rest of the recipe, added the veal to the linguini sans the mushrooms, olives and the rest of that stuff.
At this point, it was also apparent that I had more food than I could possibly consume. While the Food Network's Rachel Ray was cooking multicourse meals for families of at least four, I was cooking for one. And I still had pan-seared shrimp and scallop skewers to make the next day. (They turned out just great, thanks.) But that basically gave me enough food for 12 meals.
I ate what I could (not a fan of the artichoke, as it ends up), and I'll be eating the rest for the next 5 days until the laws of good health demand that one throw the food out.
Next time, I think I'll just make one meal at a time.
Monday, August 29, 2005
News in a nutshell: Aug. 22-28
Sound smart
By the time you read this, Hurricane Katrina, a category 5 storm, will have made landfall in New Orleans. The city and much of the Gulf Shore have mandatory evacuations in effect, but the damage could be catastrophic. Oil prices have also skyrocketed because of the storm, meaning you can be pretty sure the U.S. will be announcing a War on Hurricanes any day now.
Pat Robertson sparked an international furor Tuesday after calling for the assassination of Venezuela's democratically elected president. He said (and I'm not making this up): "You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it. It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war."
You know, before we get all uppity about putting the Ten Commandments in the classrooms and courthouses, maybe we should think about putting more of them in the CHURCHES -- because clearly the whole "thou shall not kill" thing isn't really getting through.
Boring, but important
After turning in a draft constitution just under the extended deadline, only to extend it again to "work out some kinks," Iraqi officials submitted a draft constitution to the parliament. Of course the Sunnis hate it and so the big document that was supposed to bring the entire nation together is actually causing even more tension. I don't get it -- I mean they had TWO extensions, and they still can solve the problems that have been plaguing the various factions for centuries?!?
That's just laziness...
What the ...?!?
The student-run newspaper of the Southern Illinois University discovered it had been the victim of a very elaborate hoax that involved actors and years of stories and columns about a little girl who's dad was a soldier who was killed in Iraq. Except the soldier never actually existed, and the columns are thought to have been written by a woman pretending to be the daughter. The jury is still out on if the student who first started writing about the girl was in on the hoax or not. The whole thing is totally bizarre and unfortunate, though.
Good old Fox News decided to make a public service announcement by airing a guy who gave the California street address of a man he said was a terrorist. Why he would do this in the first place (and why Fox would air it) is questionable enough, but it didn't help matters that the supposed terrorist moved out about three years ago. Thus, a family of five has been terrorized themselves by all the good citizens who thought they would pay the house a visit and spray paint graffiti and harass them. But I don't see the problem, because if we can pick fights with other people in their own backyard, it'll keep them from coming into mine.
Researchers have discovered that monkeys like to gamble. This is bad news for Nevada, because I'm pretty sure that once those monkeys are done taking over Puerto Rico, they're headed to Vegas, baby! I wonder if you can cash out your chips in bananas...
The Miss America pageant is leaving Atlantic City, where it began 84 years ago. It's looking for another host city in the hopes that it will help turn around the financial problems it's had after ABC dropped the program because of low ratings. But the pageant left Atlantic City with poise, its head held high, and waving -- elbow, elbow, wrist, wrist ...
Kenya's ambitious plan to relocate 400 elephants was put on hold indefinitely after the trailer used to transport the first elephant collapsed under the weight. Apparently they didn't realize it would weigh as much as ... well, an elephant.
Sunday, August 28, 2005
Today, I'm a worrier
Normally, I don't spend a lot of time worrying about things, particularly that which is out of my control. But I was already concerned about Hurricane Katrina and the effect it would have on New Orleans last night, when it was a category 3. When I woke up this morning and heard on NPR that the storm had become a category 5 hurricane, it stopped me in my tracks.
As I write this, Katrina has sustained winds of 175 mph -- which basically makes it a gigantic F3 tornado. The city is being evacuated, but 1.3 million people live in the area and I would guess there are tens of thousands of people who don't have the means to leave. Traffic on the main interstate out of town is so jammed it's at a standstill. And while Katrina won't make landfall until tomorrow morning, the weather will get bad late this afternoon. Much of the rest of the Gulf Coast is being evacuated as well. The storm surge is expected to be 25 feet high, much higher than the levees that protect New Orleans -- parts of which are already 20 feet below sea level.
Only two other category 5 hurricanes have hit the U.S. since they started keeping track of these things -- Hurricane Andrew in 1992, which caused $26.5 billion in damage, and Hurricane Camille in 1969, which killed 256 people.
Katrina already killed seven people and dumped 18 inches of rain on Florida -- and that's when it was a category 1. The worst-case scenarios involve New Orleans being under 15 feet of water, possibly for months, with no clean water, no sewage system, no electricity. I cringe to think what the death toll and destruction will be.
I pray I'm wrong.
As I write this, Katrina has sustained winds of 175 mph -- which basically makes it a gigantic F3 tornado. The city is being evacuated, but 1.3 million people live in the area and I would guess there are tens of thousands of people who don't have the means to leave. Traffic on the main interstate out of town is so jammed it's at a standstill. And while Katrina won't make landfall until tomorrow morning, the weather will get bad late this afternoon. Much of the rest of the Gulf Coast is being evacuated as well. The storm surge is expected to be 25 feet high, much higher than the levees that protect New Orleans -- parts of which are already 20 feet below sea level.
Only two other category 5 hurricanes have hit the U.S. since they started keeping track of these things -- Hurricane Andrew in 1992, which caused $26.5 billion in damage, and Hurricane Camille in 1969, which killed 256 people.
Katrina already killed seven people and dumped 18 inches of rain on Florida -- and that's when it was a category 1. The worst-case scenarios involve New Orleans being under 15 feet of water, possibly for months, with no clean water, no sewage system, no electricity. I cringe to think what the death toll and destruction will be.
I pray I'm wrong.
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