And now for a break in your regularly scheduled programming

I didn't do news in a nutshell this week. Just didn't get around to it. Sorry. I may not next week either cuz I'm going home for a few days.

But I'm posting tonight because I promised my friend Southern Belle* I would when I got home. (* Name may change at a later date. This is the fourth one I've decided on, but I think there might be something better. But I'm not thinking too clearly right now. I'm too sleepy. So it'll have to do for now. Sorry.)

Anywhooo. We went to the bar to shoot some pool after work but it was crowded and the table was taken. So instead I drank half a glass of hard cider and got a little tipsy. This should come as absolutely no surprise to those of you familiar with my alcohol intolerance. In my defense, I forgot to eat dinner at work except for some chicken noodle soup. But really, that's no defense and I'm prepared for the onslaught of snide remarks.

Anyhow, we saw embarrasingly dressed girls, including one with shorts that revealed things I'm pretty sure I should have only seen if I were married to her. Then we left, and Southern Belle was kind enough to drive me home even though I live on the other side of town from her just because I'd rather be safe than stupid.

Mostly, I oohed and aahed at the lightning and we listened to a very good CD by this guy. His name isn't Joshua Jackson, because that's Pacey from Dawson's Creek, and it was definitely not Pacey singing, but the name is something like that. It has a Joshua in it. Or a Jackson. Or something like that.
I also realized I have a hard time carrying a tune when I'm tipsy. Which is a good mental note for the next time I sing karaoke.

Anyhow, not-Pacey is cool. You should check him out.

There's really nothing more exciting to report. Hmmm ... sorry about that. I got tipsy and all you got was this lousy posting.

Not such a small state when you're biking

When I decided to go up to Providence, RI, to visit a friend of mine for the Fourth of July, she suggested we could bike to the nearby town of Bristol to see the nation's oldest July Fourth parade. She figured it was about 12 miles one way. I figured I could handle that, although I warned her that I wasn't in very good shape and would probably be pretty slow, seeing as how I hadn't been to the gym in several months.
She said it wasn't a problem, she wouldn't be going that fast either.

She teaches aerobics, though, so I probably should have known better.

As it ends up, the bike ride was 35 miles roundtrip. I can honestly say that my rear end has never hurt so badly as it began to while I was on that bike ride. (And I once accidentally stabbed myself in the butt with a pencil.)

At a certain point in the trip, I began to spend a lot of time talking to God. Partially, I was asking for strength.

Mostly, I was seeing if there was any way God could turn my bike into a winged Pegasus.

Or a regular horse. It didn't have to have wings.
I wasn't being picky.

Sadly, it did not happen.

Eventually, small children began to pass me on their bikes. Then elderly people on bikes. Then elderly people with walkers.

I got into town half an hour after my friend and her boyfriend who, thankfully, was accompanying us and could keep her company while I panted behind. We saw the nation's oldest Fourth of July parade, which, at almost three hours long, should also be billed as the nation's longest parade.

But it gave me a nice break and there were guys dressed up like revolutionaries that fired muskets that frightened little children, and that's not something you normally see at a parade.

Strangely, the ride back didn't seem as bad. Maybe it was because I didn't feel in such a hurry. Or perhaps by that time, pain had simply become a familiar mistress.

But I survived and was not nearly as debilitated as I thought I might be the next day. And the trip was a fun one. But next time someone suggests biking somewhere that's not next door ...

I'm holding out for that Pegasus.

News of note: June 26-July 2

News of note is on hiatus this week, although the big story is Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor's unexpected resignation. And because she's a moderate, you can expect quite a battle in the nation's capital over her replacement.
Sounds like fun.
Until then, have a happy Fourth, everyone!

30 Days

If you're not watching "30 Days," a new TV show on F/X (10 p.m. ET Wednesdays, and rerun throughout the week), you need to check it out. It's made by Morgan Spurlock, who made the documentary "Supersize Me" about what would happen if he ate only McDonald's for a month. (The results were not pretty, as you might imagine.) Unlike Michael Moore and his guerrilla, gotcha-style film-making, Spurlock seems more curious than anything else. The first episode, which I regrettably missed, had he and his fiancee trying to get by on minimum wage jobs for 30 days. The second episode showed a guy who wanted to regain his youth through steroids, growth hormones and a variety of other means for 30 days. And the most recent episode had a Christian living among Muslims for 30 days, which was a great episode. By the end of it, it's not a total turnaround for the guy -- you can see he still has some prejudices -- but after getting to know some Muslims and being on the receiving end of vilification (he had to dress as a Muslim), he does come to the realization that not all Muslims are extremists and terrorists.
In a TV schedule full of things like "I Want to be a Hilton" and "Fear Factor," it's nice to see a show that actually makes people stop and think about some of society's issues.

News in a nutshell: June 19-25

Sound smart
The House on Wednesday passed a constitutional amendment to ban flag burning. The measure will move on to the Senate and, if approved, to the states for ratification. This has certainly become more prevalent lately in other countries, particularly Iraq, so it's good that we're squashing it now. Wait -- what? Our laws don't apply to other countries? They're just freely expressing themselves? Well who the hell went and gave them democracy?

The Supreme Court ruled 5-4 on Thursday that cities can use eminent domain to take people's houses if there will be an economic benefit. (Before, the general rule was that eminent domain could be used to take over property only in cases of blight or for public use, such as highways or railroads.) I don't know about anyone else, but I'd sure like to find out where the justices live, because I bet those properties would make some mighty fine shopping malls.



Boring, but important
The Pentagon is using a private company to keep a database that has personal information about millions of youth. The information includes Social Security numbers among other things, and the files are intended to help with recruiting. And I think if there's one thing the recent credit card debacle has taught us, it's that using private companies to keep sensitive data will never be problematic.



And now for some good news
The San Antonio Spurs beat the Detroit Pistons 81-74 in Game 7 of the NBA finals. OK, I guess that's not really good news if you're from Detroit. Or if you have any ties to Detroit. Or if you hate San Antonio. Or if you just don't care about the NBA in general.
GEEZ! What do you people want from me?!?


What the ...?!?
A recent scientific study finds that individual cells in your brain can recognize celebrities. I'm actually thinking of trying to make some money off of this: Celebrities must donate a certain amount of money for each cell that remembers them. The more they donate, the more brain cells they get and the better the cells remember the celeb. I think I'll call it "cerebretology."

Snapple tried to create the world's largest ice pop (Popsicle is a trademark, so I can't use it without getting sued) in New York City on Tuesday. It would have been 25-feet-tall ... had they not decided to put it up in the middle of a sunny, 80-degree day. It melted. And the streets ran red with kiwi-strawberry juice.

I swear, I'm not making this up: A Russian woman has sued NASA over its plan to launch a probe into a comet on July 4. She wants to stop the probe and -- surprise, surprise -- is asking for $311 million in "moral" damages. The woman says the mission could disrupt mystical forces and create an open season on celestial objects. Fortunately, comet hunting season is only two weeks long and requires a permit. But danged if those things aren't hard to take down.

Selling out to the Dark Side

Is anyone else a little unnerved by how many products Darth Vader seems to be promoting lately? I've seen him in the Burger King commercials and on cookie packages and other things like that. But I finally got fed up when I saw Darth Vader on a box of Cheez-Its the other day. Cheez-Its?!? I'm sorry, but Darth Vader does NOT eat Cheez-Its. I don't think he even eats. He's supposed to be one of the great movie villains of all time and now he's schilling products left and right. It's enough to make James Earl Jones scream (in a really corny way): "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"

They say that evil doesn't pay, but clearly, they're not taking into account endorsement deals.

News in a nutshell: June 12-18

Sound smart
The media orgy known as the Michael Jackson trial ended Monday when the singer was acquitted of molestation and other related charges against him. The media began to come down from its binge of postulations, sensationalism and inane analysis, and they began to panic: What now? What could possibly fill this void left in our 24-hour news cycles? Surely, there must be another star they could focus on, another circus to create...

Those prayers were answered Friday when Tom Cruise asked Katie Holmes to marry him atop the Eiffel Tower in France. And the media beast calmed -- its ravenous hunger for celebrity gossip sated yet again.


Hackers stole the numbers of as many as 40 million credit cards. MasterCard was the first to announce the breach, saying about 14 million of its cards were exposed, though it later said that only 68,000 card holders were at "higher levels of risk." There are some things money can't buy ... apparently, a secure network is one of them.


Boring, but important
On Wednesday, the House of Representatives voted to limit part of the USA Patriot Act (which, if you want the world's most labored acronym, stands for Uniting and Strengthening America by Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism). The House voted to curb the agency's ability to see what books a person has checked out from the library or bought from a bookstore. No doubt most of those "nay" votes come from politicians who don't want anyone to know they're reading "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants."


And now for some good news
Paris Hilton told Newsweek she's planning to retire from public life in two years. I have no idea what this means, seeing as how she doesn't do anything now, but I can only hope that it's true. And if she could please take Britney Spears with her, that would be wonderful.

What the ...?!?
According to a recent study, gum is the No. 1 snack in America, far ahead of chocolate and fresh fruit, which occupy the No. 2 and 3 spots, respectively. But gum manufacturers are not content and are working on new types of gum as we speak, including chocolate-flavored gum; gum with caffeine, vitamins or Viagara (seriously); and even religious-minded gum in the shape of a Christian fish symbol with a Bible verse inside the tin. No doubt also on the list: Communion gum. "And as he opened the pack and offered it to the disciples, Jesus said, 'Chew this, in remembrance of me.' " Just be sure not to get that mixed up with the Viagara gum.

Boston and Boulder, Colo., are the two top cities for marijuana use, according to the government. Apparently, college students are more likely to smoke weed. This study was brought to you by the National Obvious Department for Useless Hogwash, or NODUH.

News in a nutshell: 6/5-6/11

Sound smart
A task force made several recommendations about how to improve elections. Proposed changes include extending the voting period over several weeks, sharing voter registration information between states and using vote centers rather than local precincts. Also it would help to not always have to choose between -- in the words of "South Park" -- a douche bag and a giant turd.

A detailed survey of the United States' mental health found that the country is poised to rank No. 1 for mental illness in the world. We're No. 1! We're No. 1! And with our multiple personalities, we're also Nos. 2-9. Go us!

A group of dolphins off the coast of Australia were discovered to be using sea sponges as tools while searching for food. They also use them as clown noses to make each other laugh.


Boring, but important
The Supreme Court ruled Monday that terminally ill patients who use medicinal marijuana can be prosecuted for violating federal drug laws, regardless of whether a state law allows it. (Insert own pun here involving "gone to pot," "High Court" or "joint decision." Or just go grab something to satisfy those munchies.)


And now for some good news
On Sunday night, "Doubt" won best play at the 2005 Tonys. "Monty Python's Spamalot" won best musical. And ... I'm sorry, this really should have gone under "Boring, but important."

What the ...?!?
New Jersey police were surprised to find that the head of a prostitution ring was allegedly an 80-year-old woman. She admitted that she ran the business from her two-bedroom apartment and said she needed money to subsidize her Social Security checks. Seriously. I'm not making that up.

A University of California graduate student built a three-wheeled cart that can be driven by a cockroach. Because what cockroaches really need are vehicles. Gee, maybe we could give them armored vehicles with weapons systems next. Thanks for nothing, science.

Kids these days and their new-fangled roller coasters

I went to Busch Gardens in Williamsburg, Va., yesterday and came upon a disturbing discovery:

I can't really handle roller coasters anymore.

I first noticed it last year, when I would be a little wobbly after each time I rode a ride. But it was even worse this year. I love roller coasters, but they seem to totally throw my body out of whack now.

One of the people I was with yesterday said that he was a little wobbly getting off the rides too, which had never happened to him before. I told him I was that way last year and it was only going to get worse.

He mentioned that he was that way with swings as well. He used to be able to swing as high as he wanted and jump off. But no more. I'm the same way. Going too high in a swing is actually unnerving now. It's terribly sad.

I feel like I'm a few steps shy of writing cranky letters to the editor, being able to predict the weather based on how my knee feels and telling kids what things were like "in my day."

The case of the disappearing oil

Yes, believe it or not, I'm still trying to post things other than the news in a nutshell. I just haven't been too good about that lately. Sorry.

Anyhow, I went to get my oil changed last week and the mechanic looked at it and said, "There's nothing in here."

"Excuse me?" I said, somewhat incredulously.

"It's empty. You've got no oil." And he showed me. Sure enough, no oil.

This was vexing for several reasons, not the least of which was the possibility of my engine seizing up and my bank account emptying out. I had just checked the oil about two weeks ago and it was fine.

I hadn't noticed any leaks. I park in the same spot in front of my apartment building everyday, and I later confirmed that there was not, in fact, any oil leaking. This leaves the option that the car is burning oil. But it seemed like I would notice it burning that much oil, as well, what with all the smoke and rank smell that would accompany it.

So I took it to the local Saturn dealership to see what was the matter. I've not been impressed with them in the past, but they were nearby, so I figured what the heck.

After about two hours, I was reminded why I don't like them.
Their solution: They put some more oil in it and said to come back in 500 miles and they could see if it was leaking or anything.

Like I couldn't have done that myself.

That was last Wednesday. I checked the oil level again today and it's fine. Totally fine.

There are some people who will tell you that a car is a lot like a woman -- treat them well and take care of them, and they'll do the same for you. But there's another similarity:

I don't understand either one of them.

News in a nutshell: 5/29-6/4

Sound smart
Of course, the biggest news of the week was the discovery of the identity of Deep Throat: Linda Lovelace.
Oops, sorry, I was looking at the wrong Web site ...
Ahem. The secret source that helped Washington Post reporters Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein uncover the Watergate scandal was revealed to be former FBI official W. Mark Felt. The icon was outed by his family in a Vanity Fair article basically because Felt's family members wanted to cash in on their father's identity. The revelation met with mixed reactions, including those who called Felt a traitor and a "snake." Because surely the last thing we want in our society are people who will tell the truth about corruption in the government.

Speaking of people trying to make money off their family members, a book was published last week by three siblings who say DNA tests have confirmed they are the out-of-wedlock children of American aviator Charles Lindbergh. (Bastards.) They also say Lindbergh had two children with their mother's sister and two children with his German secretary. That's seven illegitimate kids, for those of you keeping score at home. Meanwhile, Ben Franklin's descendants laughed and said of Lindbergh: "Amateur."

The French and Dutch rejected the European Union's constitution, which must be approved by all 25 member nations. The constitution was designed to create more cohesion in the EU, but critics in France said it would open up the country to the influence of less powerful countries. The French then thumbed their noses at the EU and said, "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries."

On Thursday, Jennifer Wilbanks, aka the "Runaway Bride," pleaded no contest to faking her abduction and was fined $2,550 (on top of the $13,250 she has already paid) and sentenced to 120 hours of community service and two years of probation. She must also continue her mental health treatment. The judge also ordered her to sit through every made-for-TV-movie that her escapade will inspire, though her attorneys have appealed this, calling it cruel and unusual.

On June 15, airlines will have to start reporting how many pets are killed, lost or hurt on their flights. It's estimated that 2 million animals fly every year, though that number goes up significantly once they start serving alcohol.


Boring, but important
On Thursday, President Bush nominated Republican Rep. Christopher Cox to head the Securities and Exchange Commission. The SEC is in charge of protecting investors and maintaining the integrity of the securities market and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....


And now for some good news
Danica Patrick finished fourth in the Indy 500 on Sunday, the highest a woman has ever finished the race. I think some guy won the thing, but nobody was really watching him.

Danielle Fisher, 20, reached the top of Mount Everest last week and became the youngest person to climb the highest peaks on every continent. Unfortunately, it's pretty much all downhill for her from here.

On Monday, Miss Canada was crowned the new Miss Universe. No hyperbole there ...

On Thursday, eighth-grader Anurag Kashyap became the U.S. spelling champ after correctly spelling "appoggiatura." Upon winning, Anurag said he felt "just pure happiness. H-A-P-P-I-N-E-S-S. Happiness."

What the ...?!?
The chicken that crossed the road just to get a ticket had its $54 citation dismissed by a judge. The defense attorney argued that the chicken was domesticated and the law prohibits only livestock on highways. So ... apparently the chicken is a pet now? As if the whole thing weren't weird enough. (I'd like to point out that I refrained from making any "fowl" puns.)

A University of Virginia study has found that popular teenagers are more likely to drink, smoke marijuana, shoplift and vandalize property than their less-popular peers. This finally proves that, yes, all the cool kids really are doing it.

Subway announced Thursday that it's ending its Sub Club promotion -- where customers get a stamp for every 6-inch sub they buy and get a free sub after eight stamps on their card. Apparently, counterfeiters were making copies of the stamps and cards and selling them online. Seriously? These people have all this counterfeiting knowledge and they're using it to get free SANDWICHES?!?! Way to aim high, guys. What's next? Counterfeit library cards?

In Russia, a 48-foot-deep lake simply disappeared over a few hours. Officials believe it was sucked into a subterranean cavern and later flowed into a nearby river. The local villagers kept telling their kids not to pull on the giant plug at the bottom of the lake, but noooo ... they just had to see what would happen.

And finally, rich and famous heiress Paris Hilton got engaged to a rich and famous heir also named Paris (Latsis). This should be an interesting test of whether you can base a marriage on narcissism.

News in a nutshell

Sound smart
Scientists have discovered how the brain detects sarcasm. Like anyone cares. (Yes, that was sarcasm for any of you with damage to the right frontal lobe. And yes, this will be a theme for this week's brief wrap-up.)


Boring, but important
On Monday night, a bipartisan group of 14 senators reached an agreement to avoid a vote on banning filibusters against judicial nominees. The agreement cleared the way for some of President Bush's nominees to be approved and stipulated that Democrats would only use filibusters in "extreme circumstances," though it left it up to each party to decide what that means. So I'm sure the arguing in the Senate is over.

On Thursday, the Senate delayed a vote on whether to confirm John Bolton as U.N. ambassador until at least next month, calling him a "no-talent, ass clown." Oh wait, that's the other Bolton. Never mind.


And now for some good news
Carrie Underwood won the latest "American Idol." I don't really care, but it's good news for her. And as long as she doesn't pair up with any other "Idol" stars to make a movie, I figure it can't be too bad for the rest of us.


What the ...?!?
A woman in a California park restroom gave her attacker the slip because she had put on so much sunscreen he couldn't grab hold of her. Sunscreen companies quickly began promoting their products as a deterrent against skin cancer and assault.

A 56-hour standoff in Atlanta ended early Saturday after a man accused of killing his ex-girlfriend in Florida reached for a drink of water offered by police, who got close enough to zap him with a stun gun. The standoff began when he climbed an 18-story-high crane Wednesday and threatened to jump, prompting one of the officers to say (I kid you not): "When he's ready to come down, he'll come down -- one way or the other."

It was discovered that 14 states had been providing nearly 800 convicted sex offenders with Viagara and other impotence drugs paid for through Medicaid. Next on the list of state initiatives: Free drinks for everyone at AA meetings! Yay!!!!

Speaking of such things, reports indicate there may be a link between the use of impotence drugs and blindness. Meanwhile, numerous mothers and nuns issued a public "I told you so."

The week in a nutshell

I'm looking for a good title for this thing -- any suggestions?

Impress your friends
Alcoholics everywhere rejoiced Monday when the Supreme Court ruled that state laws restricting the shipment of wine from out-of-state businesses are unconstitutional. This also means that not all of us will have to leave home and go on some crazy journey like those guys in "Sideways" just to get sloshed.

Newsweek did a bad, bad thing, relying on one anonymous source for a story saying that U.S. interrogators at Guantanamo Bay had flushed the Quran down a toilet to get prisoners to talk. On Monday, the magazine retracted the article, which has been blamed for causing Muslim protests and violence that left 15 people dead and many more injured. The White House immediately began berating Newsweek and the media in general for creating problems between the United States and the Muslim world.
Because clearly things had been going soooo smoothly up until the Newsweek article...

Frank Gorshin, best known as the Riddler on the "Batman" TV series in the '60s (and in perennial reruns after that) died Tuesday at age 72. May he Riddle in Peace.

In other obituary news, Henry Corden, the voice of Fred Flintstone, also died last week. He was 85.

The Sun in London and the New York Post on Friday and Saturday published pictures of Saddam Hussein in his underwear in his cell in Iraq. The pictures caused an uproar over whether they violate the Geneva Conventions (one aspect of which requires protecting prisoners of war from "public curiosity"), but on the bright side they eliminated one more place that Saddam might be hiding those supposed weapons of mass destruction.

Just, like, a week after scientists were saying that the discovery of the rock rat could very well be the last discovery of a new mammal species, they announce that they've found a new kind of monkey. I think they're just holding out on us. By the end of the month, we're going to find out that unicorns are real.


Boring, but you should know about it
The government is looking to put defensive, and possibly offensive, weapons into space. No word on when they'll start replacing the moon with a Death Star.

Scientists are also working on creating the world's most powerful laser, which would generate the heat of the sun. And you thought I was just joking in the previous item.

A South Korean says that he again cloned human embryos, creating stem cells tailored to an individual. You're probably either very supportive of this kind of research and its possible benfits or staunchly opposed to it for moral reasons, so ... umm ... I'm just going to quietly slip into the next item...


It wasn't all bad
Los Angeles residents on Tuesday elected the city's first Hispanic mayor -- Antonio Villaraigosa -- in 133 years. Let the name mispronunciation begin...

Afleet Alex stumbled to his knees after being cut off by another horse but recovered to win the Preakness Stakes on Saturday, proving you can't keep a good horse down.

The force is strong with this one: "Star Wars: Episode III -- Revenge of the Sith" made more than $50 million when it opened Thursday, breaking box office records for a single day.

Britney Spears' new "reality" TV show debuted Tuesday to a paltry 3.4 million viewers, finishing last in its time slot and giving me hope for humanity.


What the ...?!?
A kid in Indiana crawled into one of those toy vending machines with the crane. His parents tried to get him out, but the crane kept bumping into the glass and dropping him before they could get him over the hole. Eventually, they ran out of quarters.

5k -- OK!

I ran a 5k this morning. I signed up for it a few weeks ago because it was sponsored by my work and because I thought it would be a good impetus to run a little and get in shape.

Number of days to prepare: About 21
Number of days I actually ran: 0

But I figured if Christa can run a marathon on an exercise regimen of cigarette smoking and binge drinking, surely I could manage a mere five kilometers after just a few months of not going to the gym. (The cheaper one I want to go to doesn't open until next month.)

It didn't help that the race was at 8:30 in the morning and I had to leave about an hour before the race to get out there, find a parking spot, get signed in, etc. So I had to wake up at 6:45 a.m. after working until 1 a.m.

I'm glad to say I finished in a somewhat respectable 37 minutes. I walked more than I cared to, but I admittedly wasn't really pushing myself either. BUT the important things are:
1) It was along the oceanfront, which was quite nice.
2) I did not make a fool of myself in front of my co-workers by falling, puking or crawling at any point during the race.

Of course, now I can't really walk without limping, but I can think of worse ways to spend a Saturday morning.

I scream, you scream, we all scream, "HAIL!"

The big news in the geek world, where I often reside, is the unveiling of the next-gen consoles from Sony and Nintendo (following the earlier announcements about the Xbox 360, which I already wrote about). You can see my friends' take on the systems at Gig Matrix, along with my review of the movie "Unleashed." (Yes, I'm still cross-promoting. Get used to it.)

Oh, and if you haven't already heard, Fox is going to renew "Arrested Development." Praise the TV gods!

In anecdotal news, I was at work on Sunday and had a craving for ice cream, so I decided to make a DQ run. So I headed out under what had become cloudy skies. Shortly after leaving DQ, I began to see lightning. I saw a few drops appear on my windshield and began to close the sunroof. As soon as it closed ... WHOOSH! The rain began pouring from the heavens in a manner that made me consider building an ark. And then came the quarter-sized hail. It soon looked like it had snowed outside and I was seriously afraid for my car with all this ice loudly bouncing off it. (The hail actually broke a window of a car in the office parking lot, but everyone else's cars seemed OK.) And apparently, small ponds form quickly in the low-lying area in which I now live. Not fun. But I finally made it back to the parking lot and dashed inside, becoming a drowned, ice-pelted rat in the process.

Just imagine what I would do (oo-ooo) for a Klondike bar...

On the coincidental side, I had been thoroughly cleaning my desk at work earlier in the evening and felt kind of yucky afterward. I thought, "Gee, I sure wish I could take a quick shower."

Apparently, I need to watch what I wish for.

What you missed this week

I'm going to try something new, and we'll see if anyone likes it and if it sticks. (This could also be, in Christa's words, a ploy to get more hits on my site. Jealous yet, C.L.?)


Impress your friends
On Wednesday, a small plane caused pandemonium in Washington, D.C., and was almost shot down after it wandered deep into restricted airspace. People ran for cover, the first lady and other high-ranking officials were swept away to secure locations, and the president was left to his bike riding, undisturbed.

President Bush visited Russia on Monday to commemorate the 60th anniversary of the Allied victory over the Nazis. It was also intended to smooth over some ruffled feathers that had been caused by Bush's recent remarks while visiting former Soviet republics. There was no hand-holding, but there were flowers . Perhaps the new diplomatic strategy is flirting?

Pope Benedict XVI put John Paul II on the fast track to beatification. Vatican officials are hoping to soon put up the sign: "Over 1 billion sainted"


Boring, but you should know about it
On Wednesday, Republican Sen. George Voinovich said of the controversial John Bolton, President Bush's nominee for U.N. ambassador: "This is not behavior that should be endorsed as the face of the United States to the world community at the United Nations. It is my opinion that John Bolton is the poster child of what someone in the diplomatic corps should not be." Voinovich, a member of the Senate's Foreign Relations Committee, then did the next logical thing: He gave the go-ahead vote to advance Bolton's nomination to the Senate, where he will most likely be approved along party lines.

On Friday, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld released his recommendations for military base closings and realignments. If you live in a military town, check your local listings. If you don't, you probably don't much care.


It wasn't all bad
Giacomo, a 50-1 long shot, won the Kentucky Derby last Saturday. Left eating Giacomo's dust but secure knowing they had much cooler names: Closing Argument, Don't Get Mad, Buzzards Bay, Andromeda's Hero and Going Wild.

On Wednesday, scientists announced the discovery a new family of mammals -- the rock rat. Because what the world really needs is more rodents.

On Thursday, Xbox, in conjunction with MTV, unveiled its next-gen console -- the Xbox 360. Geeks everywhere, already salivating in anticipation of the final "Star Wars" movie, spontaneously combust from the excitement.

Powerball officials had suspected fraud in the March 30 drawing, when 110 people correctly picked five of six numbers (usually only four or five people get that many numbers right), but finally got to the bottom of the mystery. The lucky numbers came from fortune cookies. This also helped explain the fortune a lottery official had gotten earlier: "You will be glad we didn't get all six numbers right."


What the ...?!?
The paintings of renowned artist Congo will be auctioned at a London auction house next month and are expected to sell for $1,130 to $1,500. Never heard of Congo? Maybe that's because he's a chimpanzee.

A California deputy issued a jaywalking ticket for a chicken that did what chickens do -- cross the road.

Proving that Lassie's legacy lives, an abandoned baby in Kenya was believed to have been saved by a stray dog last week and was discovered Monday.

Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney tied the knot Monday. Apparently, she thinks his tractor's sexy.

Pepsi has said it will stop making its low-calorie, 50-percent-less-sugar soda Pepsi Edge. Oh, Edge, we barely had ever heard of ye...

The finger that a woman claimed to have found in her Wendy's chili is believed to belong to a friend of the woman's husband. He apparently lost it in an industrial accident and then gave it to the woman's husband. Yeah, that's right. He gave him the finger.

And Tiger Woods missed the cut at a golf tournament Friday for the first time in seven years and 142 tournaments. Truly, the end of times must be near.

Oh, the hyperbole!

Aaron has already written about this on Gig Matrix, but I'm throwing in my two cents. If you watched MTV on Thursday night, you saw the unveiling of the next-gen Xbox console -- the Xbox 360.

The show was mostly hype, hyperbole and hotties. If I'm to understand what was said, the Xbox 360 will be totally wireless (no cords -- woohoo!), involve a lot more online features (including a lot of customization for sale) and solve the problem of world hunger. And the graphics are, of course, gorgeous.

But I'm with Aaron. I just don't know if I'm ready to give up my first-gen Xbox yet. Granted, the Xbox 360 isn't coming out until the end of the year, but how many games will come out with it? Probably not many. And the fact that they're rushing to be the first one in to the market of next-gen consoles worries me. (Anyone other early adapters still live in fear of the "Dirty Disc" error?) I figure I can hold off for a while, but sooner or later, they're gonna stop making games for the Xbox and then I'll have to make the switch.

But for now, I've got a backlog of great games to play.

Building a better birdcage bottom

We're looking at tinkering some things at my newspaper and, as these discussions always do, the goal of attracting younger readers (particularly the much lauded 18-34 demographic) is playing a large role.

I know there are some of you who read newspapers -- many because you're in the business -- and there are many that don't. So today I'm posing a few question, mostly just for the benefit of my curiosity:

1) If you don't read a paper, is there anything that newspapers could do that would get you to pick one up? (If there's not, tell me that, too.)

2) If you do read a paper, what do you like or dislike? What would you like to see more/less of? What do you find most useful?

3) Magazines are often ahead of the curve on a lot of things, and I think a fair amount of younger people do read magazines on a regular basis, even if they don't pick up a paper. What do you like about the magazines you read? Is it just that it's a niche that you have an interest in, or are there particular features that you like? (Give magazine names, please.)

So if you've got some time, please post your comments -- any and all ideas are welcome -- and tell your friends to post, too. The more the merrier, as they say.

And thanks for the input. :-)

You say "to-may-to," I say "partisan politics"

Weirdest story of the day: Whether a tomato is a fruit or a vegetable has become quite a source of contention in New Jersey and -- surprise, surprise in this day and age -- the issue splits down political party lines.

It seems that Republicans and independents in New Jersey think the tomato is a fruit, and Democrats think it's a vegetable.

The confusion comes because, botanically, it's a fruit. But legally, it's a vegetable, as ruled by the Supreme Court a long time ago when, apparently, they didn't have a lot of other cases on the docket. (It had to do with tariffs.) No doubt this will lead to even more claims of activist judges.

At any rate, you can read the whole story here.

Here's to your health

So a little while ago, the Department of Agriculture finally released its updated food pyramid. For all the conservatives out there who have long claimed that homosexuals are trying to force their agenda into mainstream society, it seems that they've begun with the food pyramid.

It's no longer so much a pyramid as a multicolored triangle with a guy running up the side of it. An icon based on colors? Really?? Didn't we learn anything from the color-coded terrorism alert?

I guess not.

As totally unhelpful as the new gay-pride pyramid is, the Ag Department has also launched a Web site, www.mypyramid.gov, which actually IS rather useful. You can personalize it, to a degree, and it will tell you how much of each food group you should be eating based on your age, gender and activity level. Even better, though, is the My Pyramid Tracker section, for which you can register for free. It lets you input and track, pretty specifically, what food you eat in a day, what activities you do and how that all pans out with what you should be doing. It takes a bit of work, especially when you first set it up, but if you're interested in keeping track of what you eat and changing overall eating habits, I think it's well worth it.

Today, for instance, I was surprised to find I did alright with the veggies (yeah for ketchup, I guess) and good with the grain and fruit, but crappy with the milk and meat and beans. I can tell all of this through easy to read emoticons. It also breaks down how you did with cholesterol, sodium, saturated fat, etc.

So if you want a little push to eat better or just want to know what you're missing in your diet, check it out.