Sunday, June 12, 2005

News in a nutshell: 6/5-6/11


Sound smart

A task force made several recommendations about how to improve elections. Proposed changes include extending the voting period over several weeks, sharing voter registration information between states and using vote centers rather than local precincts. Also it would help to not always have to choose between -- in the words of "South Park" -- a douche bag and a giant turd.

A detailed survey of the United States' mental health found that the country is poised to rank No. 1 for mental illness in the world. We're No. 1! We're No. 1! And with our multiple personalities, we're also Nos. 2-9. Go us!

A group of dolphins off the coast of Australia were discovered to be using sea sponges as tools while searching for food. They also use them as clown noses to make each other laugh.


Boring, but important

The Supreme Court ruled Monday that terminally ill patients who use medicinal marijuana can be prosecuted for violating federal drug laws, regardless of whether a state law allows it. (Insert own pun here involving "gone to pot," "High Court" or "joint decision." Or just go grab something to satisfy those munchies.)


And now for some good news

On Sunday night, "Doubt" won best play at the 2005 Tonys. "Monty Python's Spamalot" won best musical. And ... I'm sorry, this really should have gone under "Boring, but important."

What the ...?!?
New Jersey police were surprised to find that the head of a prostitution ring was allegedly an 80-year-old woman. She admitted that she ran the business from her two-bedroom apartment and said she needed money to subsidize her Social Security checks. Seriously. I'm not making that up.

A University of California graduate student built a three-wheeled cart that can be driven by a cockroach. Because what cockroaches really need are vehicles. Gee, maybe we could give them armored vehicles with weapons systems next. Thanks for nothing, science.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Don't give the military ideas. You know they'd mutate and arm them in a second. And then what do we have? Starship Troopers. And let's face it... Doogie Howser probably hasn't been keeping up on his bug intelligence gathering skills while wishing that he were still employable.

nanners said...

The cockroach I saw last week was probably run over by a buddy driving that car.