News in a nutshell: July 31-Aug. 7

Sound smart
Seven crew members of a Russian minisub were rescued Sunday after two days underwater. Their sub had been ensnared in fishing nets. At one point, the vessel was pulled to the surface, but because the minisub wasn't big enough, fishers had to throw it back.

More people were arrested last week in connection with the failed bombings in London on July 21. So far 12 people have been charged and four are still in custody.
So it took four people to pull off a successful bombing, and possibly 16 to pull off a botched bombing? I think we know which group was the B team ...

After the fear of falling foam abated, it was fabric strips sticking out from the bottom of the shuttle that threatened Discovery. This was remedied with a risky spacewalk and a guy pulling out the fabric with his fingers. When someone can literally pull apart the space shuttle with his hands, I think it's time we start using another way to get into space.

Baltimore Orioles star Rafael Palmeiro, who in March testified before Congress that he had never used steroids, was suspended for using steroids. But in his defense, he says it was an accident. And I can see how that would happen. I know that whenever someone asks if they can inject me with some unknown substance, my only question is: "Will it help my copy editing?" If the answer is "yes," I say, "Shoot me up!"

Researchers in South Korea reported Wednesday that they had cloned a dog, which they named Snuppy. I guess this is what you get when you double-dog dare geneticists.


Boring, but important
Adidas agreed to buy Reebok for $3.8 billion. Really, this makes sense. After all, shoe companies should come in pairs. (Wow, that was so bad, even I'm groaning.)

As soon as Congress left for summer recess, President Bush installed controversial nominee John Bolton as ambassador to the United Nations -- essentially giving Congress the finger. Democrats called Bush's move to bypass the Senate confirmation an abuse of power. But Bolton will serve only until the start of 2007, and, honestly, how much damage can one guy do to international relations in a year and a half?*

(*Time between Sept. 11, 2001, and the start of the Iraq war: A year and a half.)

Oh.


Sad but true
Peter Jennings died late Sunday at 67 from lung cancer. Things you probably didn't know: Jennings was a high school dropout and first anchored "The ABC Evening News" when he was 26, but left later to get more experience and make a name for himself as a foreign correspondent.


And now for some good news
An Air France jet skidded off a runway in Toronto and burst into flames. But all 309 people aboard escaped within minutes and no one was seriously hurt. Despite this, one passenger was quoted as saying one of the flight attendants told them, "'You can calm down, it's OK,' and yet the plane was on fire and smoke was pouring in," the passenger said. "I don't like to criticize, but the staff did not seem helpful or prepared."
For pete's sake, lady! Hundreds of people evacuated a crashed airplane in less than five minutes before it was totally engulfed in flames! What did you want -- peanuts on the way down the chute?!?

A giant panda was born Tuesday at the San Diego Zoo, less than a month after a panda was born at the National Zoo in Washington, D.C. I knew the federal government's subsidy of Viagra for pandas would eventually bear fruit. (Hey, the government is paying for Viagra for poor people, soldiers and sex offenders among others. Why not pandas?)

What the ...?!?
Apparently, monkeys are overrunning Puerto Rico. And these aren't just any monkeys -- they're escaped lab monkeys. So they're probably wicked smart. Puerto Rico, it was nice sort-of-knowing you...