News in a nutshell: Aug. 22-28

Sound smart
By the time you read this, Hurricane Katrina, a category 5 storm, will have made landfall in New Orleans. The city and much of the Gulf Shore have mandatory evacuations in effect, but the damage could be catastrophic. Oil prices have also skyrocketed because of the storm, meaning you can be pretty sure the U.S. will be announcing a War on Hurricanes any day now.

Pat Robertson sparked an international furor Tuesday after calling for the assassination of Venezuela's democratically elected president. He said (and I'm not making this up): "You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it. It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war."
You know, before we get all uppity about putting the Ten Commandments in the classrooms and courthouses, maybe we should think about putting more of them in the CHURCHES -- because clearly the whole "thou shall not kill" thing isn't really getting through.


Boring, but important
After turning in a draft constitution just under the extended deadline, only to extend it again to "work out some kinks," Iraqi officials submitted a draft constitution to the parliament. Of course the Sunnis hate it and so the big document that was supposed to bring the entire nation together is actually causing even more tension. I don't get it -- I mean they had TWO extensions, and they still can solve the problems that have been plaguing the various factions for centuries?!?
That's just laziness...

What the ...?!?
The student-run newspaper of the Southern Illinois University discovered it had been the victim of a very elaborate hoax that involved actors and years of stories and columns about a little girl who's dad was a soldier who was killed in Iraq. Except the soldier never actually existed, and the columns are thought to have been written by a woman pretending to be the daughter. The jury is still out on if the student who first started writing about the girl was in on the hoax or not. The whole thing is totally bizarre and unfortunate, though.

Good old Fox News decided to make a public service announcement by airing a guy who gave the California street address of a man he said was a terrorist. Why he would do this in the first place (and why Fox would air it) is questionable enough, but it didn't help matters that the supposed terrorist moved out about three years ago. Thus, a family of five has been terrorized themselves by all the good citizens who thought they would pay the house a visit and spray paint graffiti and harass them. But I don't see the problem, because if we can pick fights with other people in their own backyard, it'll keep them from coming into mine.

Researchers have discovered that monkeys like to gamble. This is bad news for Nevada, because I'm pretty sure that once those monkeys are done taking over Puerto Rico, they're headed to Vegas, baby! I wonder if you can cash out your chips in bananas...

The Miss America pageant is leaving Atlantic City, where it began 84 years ago. It's looking for another host city in the hopes that it will help turn around the financial problems it's had after ABC dropped the program because of low ratings. But the pageant left Atlantic City with poise, its head held high, and waving -- elbow, elbow, wrist, wrist ...

Kenya's ambitious plan to relocate 400 elephants was put on hold indefinitely after the trailer used to transport the first elephant collapsed under the weight. Apparently they didn't realize it would weigh as much as ... well, an elephant.

Today, I'm a worrier

Normally, I don't spend a lot of time worrying about things, particularly that which is out of my control. But I was already concerned about Hurricane Katrina and the effect it would have on New Orleans last night, when it was a category 3. When I woke up this morning and heard on NPR that the storm had become a category 5 hurricane, it stopped me in my tracks.

As I write this, Katrina has sustained winds of 175 mph -- which basically makes it a gigantic F3 tornado. The city is being evacuated, but 1.3 million people live in the area and I would guess there are tens of thousands of people who don't have the means to leave. Traffic on the main interstate out of town is so jammed it's at a standstill. And while Katrina won't make landfall until tomorrow morning, the weather will get bad late this afternoon. Much of the rest of the Gulf Coast is being evacuated as well. The storm surge is expected to be 25 feet high, much higher than the levees that protect New Orleans -- parts of which are already 20 feet below sea level.

Only two other category 5 hurricanes have hit the U.S. since they started keeping track of these things -- Hurricane Andrew in 1992, which caused $26.5 billion in damage, and Hurricane Camille in 1969, which killed 256 people.

Katrina already killed seven people and dumped 18 inches of rain on Florida -- and that's when it was a category 1. The worst-case scenarios involve New Orleans being under 15 feet of water, possibly for months, with no clean water, no sewage system, no electricity. I cringe to think what the death toll and destruction will be.

I pray I'm wrong.

Random thoughts

The "Batman Begins: Deluxe Edition" is back up on Amazon now -- WOOHOO!!! I ordered it immediately so as not to fall victim to my past mistakes.

I drove up to D.C. this week to visit my brother and friends. There are a lot of things I like about Washington, D.C. -- all the museums, the Metro and the ability to walk so many places. And I especially like the Mall area -- there's almost something going on there. During the day, it's people relaxing, playing or jogging. And after the workday is done, there are baseball games, volleyball games and, I'm told, Ultimate games. I just think that's awesome.
Not so thrilled about gas that costs $2.97 per gallon, though.

And while I'm more a Renaissance period art fan, I also have decided I really like American artist Thomas Cole. I bought postcard images of his series "The Voyage of Life" several years ago, but I had never seen the actual prints until this week at National Gallery of Art. They are, obviously, much better in full-size. You can't see the detail in these screenshots, but the series is made of four paintings: "Childhood," "Youth," "Manhood," and "Old Age." I think maybe when I eventually buy a house, I'll try to get framed prints of it.
I also discovered another painting I really like, related to Thomas Cole, called "Kindred Spirits" by Asher B. Durand.

I also added some intrigue to my culture by visiting the International Spy Museum, which was pretty danged cool and a lot bigger than I thought it would be. But there are a lot of interactive things, so try to go when it's not going to be too crowded.

Recommended reading

A couple of articles that may be of interest:

The first shows that at least I'm not alone in being bugged by the lack of a hyphen in the movie title "The 40 Year-Old Virgin."

The second talks about how the media's efforts to be "balanced" can actually create a skewed perception of reality. The column focuses on intelligent design, but the same could be said about most political coverage or of the debate about global warming, in which the large majority of scientists agree on it, but a small group of fringe scientists (and the current administration) don't. Because the media just recites a "he said, she said" of various groups' causes without any attempt to examine the validity of the statements, readers are given the belief that both sides are equally valid, which is not always the case.

News in a nutshell: Aug. 15-21

Sound smart
Iraqi leaders failed to meet Monday's deadline to finish their constitution, and so extended the deadline by a week. Depending on which official you talked to, the reason for the delay included a sandstorm, a dead grandmother or a ravenous dog. But one source, who preferred to remain anonymous blamed the negotiators' process of writing the constitution: 10 minutes of writing, followed by 10 minutes of playing video games, followed by 10 minutes of writing, followed by 15 minutes of e-mailing, followed by 10 minutes of writing, followed by 30 minutes of watching TV. A good deal of time was also spent debating on whether to make the constitution double-spaced and how wide they could make the margins before anyone noticed.

Israeli soldiers began the forced removal of Israeli settlers in the Gaza Strip on Wednesday, a process that is continuing this week. I find myself unable to joke because the whole thing has produced so many heartbreaking scenes. Although I believe it will be for the best in the long run, it's still difficult to fathom being forced from your home. And I have to commend both the soldiers, who have endured taunts and violence without responding in kind, for the way they've done their job, and the settlers who have, for the most part, refrained from resorting to violence either. May some good come of this...

A 7.2 magnitude earthquake struck Japan on Tuesday and injured dozens, though no one was killed. The epicenter was about 50 miles off the coast where Godzilla was believed to be doing battle with Megalon.


Boring, but important
A recent study found that some beachgoers are actually addicted to tanning and can't quit despite the known health problems. Warning signs are lying about your tanning to others, skipping work to tan and frequently being tan before noon.


But now for some good news
It turns out gossip may actually be a good thing. At least, that's what I heard. I don't really know if it's true.

What the ...?!?
A school district's offer of used iBook laptops for $50 near Richmond, Va., resulted in a melee Tuesday. More than 5,000 people showed up to get one of the 1,000 computers being offered. Many had been waiting for hours before the gates opened; one woman peed herself just to keep her spot in line. And when the gates opened, the mad rush began, with people getting trampled, other people trying to drive cars through the crowd and one guy who felt justified swinging a chair at other people. You'd think they were selling Tickle-Me Elmos ...

Some ecologists have suggested relocating wild animals from Africa, such as lions, cheetahs, camels and elephants, to the Great Plains of the U.S. Add some flying monkeys, and maybe Oz won't be so different from Kansas after all.

Three Polish researchers were rescued from an Arctic island as hungry polar bears were closing in on them. And even when the bears are old and senile, they'll still be bragging to their friends about the ones that got away. Except by then, it'll be more like 20 researchers who each weighed about 300 pounds of tasty goodness.

The government's "no-fly list," which contains names of suspected terrorists, has been successful at keeping a number of toddlers off flights because their names are similar to or the same as those on the watch list. Which is probably a good reason not to name your baby Osama bin Laden. But I think this could be the beginning of something even better: Can we use this technology to create a list of babies who will scream for the duration of a flight and keep them from boarding? Because I think that would be a public service.

Short stories

On Tuesday, I read on Dark Horizons that Amazon was taking preorders for the "Batman Begins: Deluxe Edition" for only $16. I was totally excited and checked Amazon -- sure enough, $16! Awesome. But I was in a hurry and figured I'd get to it later. By the time I checked Amazon the next day, the DVD was "currently unavailable," which I'm taking to mean it reached its limit for preorders or something. Why didn't I just order it when I had the chance? WHY?!?! I've been checking back every day since then, but no luck. I'm not sure when I'll stop kicking myself...

I went to the batting cage on one of my days off last week to hit a few rounds. I thought I would start off with softballs just to ease my way into it. Not only did I not get any solid hits, I never even connected with the ball. Not even close. At one point, I actually started just watching the balls whiz past, trying to figure out what the hell was going on. So for the second round, I switched to baseballs figuring, what the heck? I had no problem hitting them. It wasn't until later that I realized that even though the baseball speed was medium, the softball speed was set at so-you-want-to-embarrass-yourself fast.

On Wednesday night, I somehow accidentally left my car windows rolled all the way down, which means they were open from about late afternoon Wednesday to late morning Thursday. Miraculously, three things did not happen:
1) It did not rain.
2) No one stole anything from the car, not that I keep much in there worth stealing.
3) No one stole the car itself.
I'm still not sure if I'm more amazed at my total absent-mindedness or that nothing bad happened.

Easy way to make chicken parmesan: Cook Shake and Bake chicken, and after it's done, add some pasta sauce, sprinkle with mozzarella, and put back in the oven long enough for the cheese to melt. Voila! Quick and easy.

If you're interested, among the many new posts over at Gig Matrix, are my thoughts on "40 Year-Old Virgin," "Four Brothers" and "The Daily Show: Indecision 2004" DVD.

Tonight, my friend Peter mentioned that he overheard a girl in a coffee shop say: "If you look up the definition of 'pimp' on Dictionary.com, you'll find a picture of him."
I thought it was an interesting example of how ubiquitous technology has become.

A little house cleaning

I updated the list of links, deleting a couple of defunct blogs (Oh, Hero Guild, we hardly knew ye...) and adding a few links under "Other Cool Sites."

Dark Horizons has a lot of entertainment info, and "The Daily Show's" Web site has clips from past shows, so if you happen to miss an episode, or don't get cable, you can still check out some of the funny stuff.

I strongly suggest consulting FactCheck.org before believing anything in a political ad because it's likely to be a bunch of bunk.

And the Fug site is a very funny, snarky commentary on celebrity fashion. Usually, I'm willing to cut celebrities some slack about most things, but there are definitely some items of clothing no one should be allowed to wear.

PostSecret, which I know several of my fellow bloggers have already mentioned, is updated weekly and is an interesting look at the secrets many people keep. It's very confessional, which means it's often disturbing, sometimes sad, sometimes funny, and sometimes hopeful. But always interesting.

And Television Without Pity is great if you every miss an episode of your favorite series. Or if you want to see some caustic commentary on your least favorite show.

News in a nutshell: Aug. 8-14

Sound smart
An impromptu strike by members of an airline catering company dominoed into a strike that shut down Heathrow Airport in London last week and left tens of thousands of people stranded at the airport and around the world. And you thought it was bad when all the catering company did was give you a dry, tasteless sandwich that cost $7. But don't worry! The airlines provided stranded passengers with, I kid you not, a jazz trio to pass the time.
And the airlines wonder why they're going bankrupt.

President Bush hinted that if Iran didn't stop its nuclear program, it might be next on the U.S.'s hit list, saying that, if diplomacy fails, "all options are on the table." The U.S. seems willing to attack because officials believe Iran is using its nuclear program to make weapons of mass destruction. Or that at least it has programs to create weapons of mass destruction. Or it's the humanitarian thing to do because Iran's leader is a bad man. Or maybe it's just because we're already over there and, what the hell?!? At this point, all excuses are on the table.

Thieves got away with $67.8 million after they spent three months digging a 262-foot tunnel underneath a street next to the Central Bank Building in Brazil and burrowing up underneath the vault. Anybody else smell the plot for "Ocean's 13"? (Where, of course, George Clooney will have to pretend to be George Clooney in order to help the gang get away with their thievery. It's brilliant, I tell you, brilliant!)


Boring, but important
The government tightened regulations for Accutane, an acne drug, to ensure that women who use it don't get pregnant. Unfortunately, this puts users who want children in a bit of a Catch-22 because if they use Accutane, it causes birth defects. And if they don't use it, well, they can't get anyone to sleep with them.

After much criticism, an abortion-rights group pulled a TV ad that basically said Supreme Court nominee John Roberts supported abortion clinic bombings. Of course, the law brief in question was written seven years before the bombing it supposedly supported. But really, I think this just points out a greater danger to our country: John Roberts can clearly travel through time. And do we really want a time traveler on the Supreme Court?
I didn't think so.


Sorry to tell you
If you follow the news, you may remember a lonely elderly man in Rome who took out a newspaper ad last year offering himself up for adoption as a grandfather. It was very touching and an Italian family offered to take him in and the whole thing was very heartwarming.
Except it ends up that apparently Grandpa bamboozled the family out of a bunch of money and was a total fraud. And now he's disappeared, but he's believed to have suckered other families as well. And if that is not just totally disheartening, I don't know what is.

John Johnson, an influential black leader and the publisher of Jet and Ebony magazines, died Monday at age 87 of heart failure.

A Greek airliner crashed into a hillside Sunday killing all 121 people aboard. It's thought that a sudden loss of cabin pressure incapacitated both pilots and possibly everyone else on board, though officials are still trying to figure out how such a malfunction could have happened.


But now for some good news
Scientists said on Wednesday that they had mapped the complete genetic code of rice, something they hope will help efforts to feed the hungry. But you want to know something really surprising? The number of genes in rice: about 37,500. The number of genes in humans: 20,000-25,000. Rice is more genetically complicated than we are. Granted, if you put me a steamer, I don't get all tasty like rice (I don't think), but I still found that rather disconcerting.

For the first time, a woman has been appointed head chef at the White House.
Ah, yes, the Bush administration -- proud to be putting women back in the kitchen.

"American Idol" judge Paula Abdul has been cleared of allegations of an improper relationship with former contestant Corey Clark and will remain a judge on the for-some-reason-popular TV show.
I don't get it. I mean, why would Clark, who auditioned for the show in a desperate attempt to become famous and who was kicked off the show for not telling anyone he had once been arrested, make up lies about having an affair with Paula Abdul?!? It makes no sense, people! Up is down, black is white, cats and dogs are sleeping together ... !!! Why does nothing make sense anymore ... why?!?!? (sobs)

What the ...?!?
Researchers at MIT have invented something called the "Jerk-O-Meter" that detects when the person on the other end of a phone conversation is faking interest.
And, suddenly, boyfriends and husbands everywhere began to panic.

Soldiers in Afghanistan are using donkeys to transport supplies during its operation to battle militants. DONKEYS?!?! The troops in Iraq don't have body armor and the troops in Afghanistan are using donkeys. But don't worry, the Pentagon has promised that improved equipment is being shipped out as we speak.
Of course, it's being sent via carrier pigeon, so it could take awhile to get there.

Why bachelors and baking don't mix

For my cooking of the week I actually decided to try baking -- chocolate cookies with a cherry in the center, covered in chocolate frosting. Now I can make a mean peanut butter cookie with the help of Betty Crocker, so cookies aren't too far out of the realm of possibility for me. I planned on making a bunch yesterday and taking them into work to impress everyone with my ability to make tasty morsels.

Alas, it was not to be.

Upon reflection, I believe this was for two main reasons:

1) I like big cookies; like, the-size-of-my-head cookies. And so I have a tendency to put too much dough into each cookie. This totally screws up the cooking time, which cascades into a bunch of other problems (some parts get burnt, other parts don't get cooked enough, etc.). From now on, I will try to practice restraint when it comes to cookie size and adhere to the recipe.

2) For the frosting, the recipe called for 1 cup of semi-sweet chocolate pieces. Well, at the grocery store, the chocolate came in chips and squares, but not pieces. I opted for the chocolate baking squares, but those are measured in ounces. Each square is an ounce. Well, 8 ounces make 1 cup, right? Well, yes, if you're talking about liquid and not a ginormous amount of chocolate. So I put the whole 8 oz. bar of chocolate in there and that was just way too much. Consequently, it never got to frosting consistency; it was more like an amorphous blob of chocolate that kept trying to climb out of the pan so it could begin to devour all of Norfolk.
So next time: chocolate chips.

The cookies were technically edible, but they sure as heck didn't look that appetizing. And even though people in my line of work are notorious for eating anything set out at the office, I certainly wasn't going to bring them to my co-workers as the first impression of my cooking skills.

Maybe I should try something easier -- like learning to juggle flaming swords while riding a unicycle.

I'm sure I could do that.

The games people play

After work Friday night, I hung out with a bunch of co-workers to play a variety of games -- Taboo, Balderdash and Scrabble.

I know; we're a crazy crew.

But I learned several interesting things playing Balderdash:

1) Pooter is a word, and it probably doesn't mean what you think it means. It's actually a tube with a suction cup on one end that you use to catch insects. Or something like that. However, I've decided it will be another word for someone who's a total jerk. ("That guy is a total pooter.")

2) Tatties is also a word that doesn't mean what you suspect. It's something like a wet carpet hung from windows in India to keep out dust, but the best made-up definition was the underwear you wear on laundry day. ("I didn't have any clean clothes left, so I'm wearing my tatties while I do laundry.")
I will, however, settle for it meaning miniature tattoos. ("Hey, I really like that little butterfly on your ankle." "Thanks! It's my new tattie.")

I would like your help in making these definitions popular.

3) The third thing I learned is that there are a lot of movies that involve ventriloquists and midgets. "The Dummy Talks" is about a midget who goes undercover as a dummy to find a ventriloquist's killer. "The Unholy Three" involves a strongman, a ventriloquist and a midget who team up to pull off crimes. Because, of course, why wouldn't they? With their combined powers, surely they would be unstoppable.

However, the various made-up plots to these movies have led me to create the greatest movie plot ever. This baby has Blockbuster written all over it. (By that, I mean straight to rental.) The story:

Three dames from the wrong side of the tracks wreak havoc in 1950s Chicago. In the process, they get on the bad side of a ventriloquist and his dummy, who is really a midget working undercover to catch The Unholy Three. The women are forced to flee to Rome, where they become prostitutes in search of redemption. Hilarity ensues in this slapstick comedy.

That, my friends, is money in the bank.

Hey, it's gotta be better than "Deuce Bigalow."

The sky is falling! The sky is falling!

Sorry for the late notice, but if you have a chance, check out the Perseid meteor shower, which peaks tonight.

News in a nutshell: July 31-Aug. 7

Sound smart
Seven crew members of a Russian minisub were rescued Sunday after two days underwater. Their sub had been ensnared in fishing nets. At one point, the vessel was pulled to the surface, but because the minisub wasn't big enough, fishers had to throw it back.

More people were arrested last week in connection with the failed bombings in London on July 21. So far 12 people have been charged and four are still in custody.
So it took four people to pull off a successful bombing, and possibly 16 to pull off a botched bombing? I think we know which group was the B team ...

After the fear of falling foam abated, it was fabric strips sticking out from the bottom of the shuttle that threatened Discovery. This was remedied with a risky spacewalk and a guy pulling out the fabric with his fingers. When someone can literally pull apart the space shuttle with his hands, I think it's time we start using another way to get into space.

Baltimore Orioles star Rafael Palmeiro, who in March testified before Congress that he had never used steroids, was suspended for using steroids. But in his defense, he says it was an accident. And I can see how that would happen. I know that whenever someone asks if they can inject me with some unknown substance, my only question is: "Will it help my copy editing?" If the answer is "yes," I say, "Shoot me up!"

Researchers in South Korea reported Wednesday that they had cloned a dog, which they named Snuppy. I guess this is what you get when you double-dog dare geneticists.


Boring, but important
Adidas agreed to buy Reebok for $3.8 billion. Really, this makes sense. After all, shoe companies should come in pairs. (Wow, that was so bad, even I'm groaning.)

As soon as Congress left for summer recess, President Bush installed controversial nominee John Bolton as ambassador to the United Nations -- essentially giving Congress the finger. Democrats called Bush's move to bypass the Senate confirmation an abuse of power. But Bolton will serve only until the start of 2007, and, honestly, how much damage can one guy do to international relations in a year and a half?*

(*Time between Sept. 11, 2001, and the start of the Iraq war: A year and a half.)

Oh.


Sad but true
Peter Jennings died late Sunday at 67 from lung cancer. Things you probably didn't know: Jennings was a high school dropout and first anchored "The ABC Evening News" when he was 26, but left later to get more experience and make a name for himself as a foreign correspondent.


And now for some good news
An Air France jet skidded off a runway in Toronto and burst into flames. But all 309 people aboard escaped within minutes and no one was seriously hurt. Despite this, one passenger was quoted as saying one of the flight attendants told them, "'You can calm down, it's OK,' and yet the plane was on fire and smoke was pouring in," the passenger said. "I don't like to criticize, but the staff did not seem helpful or prepared."
For pete's sake, lady! Hundreds of people evacuated a crashed airplane in less than five minutes before it was totally engulfed in flames! What did you want -- peanuts on the way down the chute?!?

A giant panda was born Tuesday at the San Diego Zoo, less than a month after a panda was born at the National Zoo in Washington, D.C. I knew the federal government's subsidy of Viagra for pandas would eventually bear fruit. (Hey, the government is paying for Viagra for poor people, soldiers and sex offenders among others. Why not pandas?)

What the ...?!?
Apparently, monkeys are overrunning Puerto Rico. And these aren't just any monkeys -- they're escaped lab monkeys. So they're probably wicked smart. Puerto Rico, it was nice sort-of-knowing you...

Building a better Briguy

I finally signed up for gym membership at a community center that's not terribly near my apartment and doesn't have quite as much equipment as I'd like, but the price can't be beat and I'm eager to get back into a regular routine of working out -- something I haven't had since Duluth. I'm also planning on playing tennis once a week, which will be nice.

I've also finally got the numbers of a couple of guys to contact about getting guitar lessons so my guitar can stop being a decorative object and something useful.

I have also vowed to begin cooking on one of my nights off of work and going out to eat at someplace new during the other night off. Last night, I went to a little place called Cici's Pizza tucked into a shopping center near my apartment. They do takeout, but their main thing is a buffet -- all-you-can-eat pizza, pasta, salad (if you like that sort of thing) and dessert. How much does this feast cost, you ask? That's the best part -- $6! And that includes a drink. I was quite happy with the discovery. Happy and stuffed.

Tonight, I cooked spiced shrimp with rice with Hawaiian sweet rolls on the side. Cooking is always a bit of an adventure for me, mostly because I have very lofty goals but not much of a clue as to what I'm really doing. From start to finish, the meal was supposed to take 45 minutes. But for me, it was more like 2 hours. And that doesn't include the trip to the grocery store, which inevitably runs about an hour because I often have no idea what the things I need even are. (Star anise?!? Is it a fruit? A vegetable? A spice? I have no idea. It sounds like something a ninja would use.) I finally got what I needed and got it home. I was pleasantly surprised to find that the shrimp had already been deveined. Although I have to admit, I was sort of looking forward to trying that out. But after just peeling 1 pound of shrimp, I got over my disappointment pretty quickly. The mixing of the spices went fairly well, although I keep having to grate fresh ginger and it always seems stringy, so I'm not sure I'm doing it right. But whatever. The bigger problem came when it was time to add the onions. Besides being tired of grating ginger for various recipes, I've gotten tired of cutting up onions. Especially when I don't usually need much. So I decided to get the chopped onions in a bottle -- they're dried and sort of flaky. But they burned pretty fast when I cooked them, probably because they had no moisture, so I think I'm going to have to stick with regular onions in the future.
Oh well.

The rest of it seemed to be going fine, but when I thought I was done, I scooped it out onto my plate and began eating only to find that the rice was undercooked and still crunchy.

Umm ... oops.

So back onto the stove to cook for a while longer.

Of course, then I overcooked it. So it was still crunchy.

But hey, at least the shrimp were tasty.

Back from hiatus: News of note: July 24-30

Sound smart
Most of the nation dealt with a major heat wave as health officials advised people to stay inside and avoid strenuous activity.
FINALLY! A validation of my chosen lifestyle ...

The space shuttle Discovery successfully launched Tuesday and later docked with the space station. Unfortunately, while studying cosmic radiation, things went horribly awry and the astronauts' genetic makeup was altered, giving some of them superpowers and some of them superbad makeovers, and rendering them all incapable of decent dialogue or character and plot development.
Or that might have been a movie. I forget.

On Thursday, the Irish Republican Army said it would stop using violence in its quest to unify Northern Ireland with the Irish Republic. Damn terrorists -- ruining everyone else's violence.

Congress passed a huge energy bill, one of the main tenets of which was expanding daylight-saving time. Of course, whatever energy this saves will probably be expended by people trying to reset their VCRs and computers because I'm pretty sure Congress just screwed over every piece of electronics with the ability to automatically adjust for daylight-saving time.

Some astronomers claim to have found a 10th planet in our solar system -- an object larger than Pluto orbiting the sun. This has rekindled the debate over what constitutes a planet, though most agree it should be at least as big as Al Roker before the gastric bypass surgery.


Boring, but important
The nation's largest labor union, the AFL-CIO, basically fell apart when the Teamsters and the Service Employees International Union took their workers and went home Monday. Other groups plan to follow suit over differences in how the organization is run. Labor union, huh? More like labor disunion! Oh, zing!



And now for some good news
Has anyone noticed that we haven't heard anything from Tom Cruise or Katie Holmes about their amazing love now that their respective movies have been playing for a bit? Hmmm ... funny that. Of course, that could also be because the Scientologists have locked Katie in a closet until she produces Tom's spawn, so perhaps I shouldn't make light just yet.

On Sunday, Lance Armstrong won his seventh and final Tour de France before retiring. Rob Corddry put it best on "The Daily Show" when he said: "Now, Americans can finally get back to not caring about cycling."


What the ...?!?
Finally an explanation for why cats are so finicky: Apparently they're genetically unable to taste sweets. This explains why they seem so indifferent to things we consider so tasty. That and the fact that sweets are just a distraction from their plot to take control of your house and the planet.

After a number of complaints, including from a congressman, the producers of the movie "Wedding Crashers" removed a printable Purple Heart from the film's Web site. Rep. John Salazar, D-Colo., who wants to make such a thing illegal, said: "If any moviegoers take the advice of the 'Wedding Crashers' and try to use fake Purple Hearts to get girls, they may wind up picking up an FBI agent instead."
Well, OK, but is she a hot FBI agent?