Aw, geez, when did this turn into freakin' Oprah?!?

I thought this Washington Post article was an interesting look at relationships and those of us in our 20s. It seems a good chunk of us (38 percent) are not only NOT in relationships, but we're not even looking. I find myself a number in this statistic, so perhaps I'm biased, but I thought the article made a few interesting points. And it was nice to know that I'm not alone in putting my emphasis on other things (work, friends) rather than a committed relationship. It's not to say this group of people wouldn't date someone if the opportunity came along, we're just not actively seeking it out.

I have to admit that part of my apathy toward searching for a relationship has to do with skewed belief borne of watching too many romantic comedies: Eventually when the right person comes along, we will "meet cute" and it will pretty much be inevitable from there. (As will the miscommunications that lead to wacky hijinks, a break up, and a montage of me in a dark room getting lazy and fat before someone snaps me out of it and I go out to win the girl, which of course, I will.)

All of which is, of course, utter crap.

But it probably explains my multiple crushes on celebrities based largely on their characters in romantic comedies.

While a lot of younger people tend to get criticized for not taking relationships seriously enough, the article brings out an interesting possibility that maybe we take relationships too seriously. We want the perfect mate and perfect relationship, and neither one exists.

...

OK, when the heck did I start channeling Carrie Bradshaw??!?

To make up for all of that, I'm ending with a photo of a truck I saw the other day that made me laugh. Probably because I'm juvenile.



I think it's a boy truck.

You have chosen ... wisely

Obviously there's no right answer about which superpower to choose. They both have advantages and limitations (and those of you who mentioned it are right that you could only carry what you can lift now, which is problematic for carrying people).

One of the people interviewed on the "American Life" episode believes most people say they would pick flight, but would really choose invisibility because they could get away with more things. I'm inclined to believe there's a pretty big grain of truth to that.

As for me ... it's hard to say. As much fun as it would be to fly, practically speaking, its usefulness in fighting crime is somewhat limited. Kim points out that Invisible Woman was pretty boring at first, but so is Hawkman if you take away the mace and telescopic sight. Invisibility is a bit more useful and at least makes you a little harder to hit in a fight -- at least until the bad guys start using infrared or turning on the sprinkler system like in "Hollow Man." Of course, this is assuming one would use the power to fight crime and not for one of its many subversive uses, which is kind of a good reason to be wary about picking invisibility. I'd like to think I could handle the power responsibly, though.

But no matter which you pick, it's better than being able to talk to fish.

Make your choice

First, my latest mondegreen. I didn't realize until recently when I downloaded the acoustic version of Rob Thomas' "Lonely No More" that what I had been hearing:

"Now its hard for me with my heart still on the mend
Open up to me, and I'll do your girlfriends"

was actually this:
"Now its hard for me with my heart still on the mend
Open up to me, like you do your girlfriends"

I had just always assumed the guy was a total cad looking to sleep with his girl's friends. Ends up, he's actually a sensitive guy looking for an emotional connection. My sincerest apologies, Rob Thomas. Although you probably give that line to all the girls...

Anyhow, my real reason for this post is to pose a question borne of one of my favorite shows of "This American Life" -- the one on superpowers. If you could choose between invisibility and flight, which would you pick? You'd be the only one with this power (or any superpower for that matter). And because questions about the details of this always arise, here are the caveats:
1) You don't have to be naked to be invisible. You could turn your clothes invisible, but not any objects you pick up.
2) You can fly up to 1,000 mph at any altitude within the Earth's atmosphere. For the sake of argument, we will say that you can do this comfortably.

So ... which would you choose, why and what would you do with the power?

Cleaning out the mental closet

First off, some recommendations: I just finished reading Stephen King's latest novel, "Cell." It's great. It's sort of a modern take on zombies -- a signal transmitted through cell phones turns humans into ... well, not the undead, but something close and, eventually, even more disturbing. So if you like zombies or a good thriller, check it out. (For more zombie action, head on over to Gig Matrix.)

There are also several movies out that I would recommend: "Paradise Now" is a great movie, though it makes you feel like you just got hit in the gut by the end of it. But it's a powerful and compelling film about two childhood friends recruited to become suicide bombers. Definitely a thinker movie. "Munich" is similar in feeling, and it's also good. Other good, powerful, make-you-think movies that I've seen in the past few months that you MUST see if you haven't yet: "Crash," "Hotel Rwanda" and "The Constant Gardener."

I also saw "Night Watch" last night. While I wouldn't give it an "F" like Entertainment Weekly did, I can't decide if I should recommend it or not. It was very much like a Russian "The Matrix," which is kind of cool. But there wasn't much in the way of cool action; the similarities are mostly in trippy plot. And a lot of it is kind of weird. So ... umm ... I'm still not quite sure what to think.

If you like CGI storms, the Discovery Channel has a Sunday night show called "Perfect Disaster." It's cool if you like CGI storms, but bad if you worry about the end of the world happening. So far I've seen one on a supertornado hitting downtown Dallas in the middle of rush hour and a massive solar storm taking the entire planet back to the Dark Ages for anywhere from a couple of weeks to years. (That could happen in 2011, so if you have anything to do that involves electricity, you might want to do it before then.)

If you haven't already heard it, I strongly suggest listening to the "This American Life" program "Habeas Schmabeas" that aired recently. Even by the government's own admission, many of the people in Guantanamo aren't a threat at all, but they're still there because we've basically done away with habeas corpus. You can listen to it on streaming audio by looking in the archives at the site linked above.

After my earlier shopping experience, I did venture back to the mall to get some shirts, this time taking a female friend with me for protection. Now I have several nice shirts. The problem is that she gave me strict instructions about how to wash/dry them so they wouldn't shrink. Certainly this is advice I should pay attention to, and it's opened up this whole new world of doing laundry that I never paid attention to before. I've begun looking at the labels on ALL of my clothes. I had no idea so many should be washed cold and dried on a low setting or turned inside out before washing or have one arm in and one arm out while the dryer spins them all about. Of course, I haven't ever done anything more than wash and dry on the normal setting, so I wonder if it really makes all that much of a difference (though there are some shirts over the years that have shrunk a bit, but I always thought that was natural and unavoidable). Nonetheless, my laundry is now a lot more complicated. Such is the price of nicer clothing that you want to keep fitting, I guess.

Humph.

Lightning strikes

So I had the bowling fundraiser this morning. It was at 9 a.m. and a bit of a drive away, so I woke up at 7 a.m. after about four or fewer hours of sleep. We bowled three games. I was with four other guys from work, though I didn't really know any of them, so it was a little awkward at first. But it was a good group, and we more or less bonded by the end of it. And, of course, because we're guys, there was some good-natured competitiveness.

In the first game, I sucked. I barely broke 100 and just beat out another guy for not-last-place in our group. But halfway through the second game (about the time I would normally be waking up, incidentally), I hit my groove. I closed the game out with six strikes in a row.

Yes, SIX.

I finished the game with a new personal record of 191.

The third game had a pretty hum-drum start, but it ended up a bit above average at 136 thanks to three strikes in a row in the 10th frame. (I had 10 strikes between the last two games.)

So while I may not exactly be consistent, I did kind of feel like the Joe Nathan of bowling. And I'll take being a closer any day.

A little pick-me-up

I think all of us mourning baseball legend Kirby Puckett -- and now Dana Reeve -- could probably use a little cheer.

So for fans of "How I Met Your Mother," here's a link to Barney's blog. It's legendary. So suit up and check it out.

And this is one of the funniest things I've seen in quite sometime -- especially since I think most of us can relate. You let the music take control, man.

Can you spare?

I prefer fundraisers where I don't have to ask other people for money -- where I can just pay a fee myself. But alas, I've been asked to be a on a bowl-a-thon team at work. The event is Saturday and I'm supposed to raise money for it. So I'm putting a call out to anyone who might be interested -- donate as much or as little as you like. The money goes to Junior Achievement, which is a local group that helps children (who, I'm told, are our future). If you send a check, make it out to Junior Achievement and make sure to mail it so that I get it by Friday. If you've got questions, e-mail me. Sorry to do this, but thanks in advance for anyone who helps.

Name that lyric

I know that Clare likes to play this game, so I humbly offer my misinterpretation of a song lyric:

Heard on the radio recently: "Sunglasses at Night" by Corey Hart

What I hear/sing:
"She got control of me. I turn to her and say:
Don't flush the bread on the sky in shades of low."
(Yeah, I know it doesn't make any sense, thanks.)

What the song actually says:
"Has she got control of me? I turn to her and say:
Don't switch the blade on the guy in shades, oh no."


In the news:
A homeowner shot and killed an intruder in a ninja outfit. You know, there used to be a time when being a ninja meant something -- stealth, deadliness. But now it seems every yahoo out there thinks he can read a book and be a ninja. I blame Chris Farley.

The founder of Domino's pizza is building a town in Florida that will be run on Catholic principles. Stories will not be able to sell pornography, pharmacies will not carry condoms or birth control, and cable television won't have any X-rated channels. Gov. Jeb Bush applauded the development, saying it would create a community of like-minded people. (shudder) Is it just me, or is America getting creepier every day?

A cat in Germany died from bird flu. Health officials immediately began a mass quarantine, worried that it might have infected the man all tattered and torn, who kissed the maiden all forlorn, who milked the cow with the crumpled horn, that tossed the dog, that bit the cat, that ate the bird, that avian flu afflicted in the house that Jack built.

According to a recent poll, Americans know more about "The Simpsons" than the First Amendment. But let's face it, if the Constitution were on TV 10 times a day, we'd probably know it pretty well, too.

Unfrozen Caveman Shopper

One hundred thousand years ago, a caveman was out hunting on the frozen wastes when he slipped and fell into a crevice. In 2006, he was discovered by some scientists and thawed out. He then went to the mall and became ...
Unfrozen Caveman Shopper

Gentle blog readers, I'm just a caveman. I fell on some ice and later got thawed out by some of your scientists. Your malls frighten and confuse me. Sometimes the blinding brightness of the fluorescent lights and the sounds of the pop music make me want to run out of Abercrombie & Fitch and into the hills, or wherever.
I'm dazzled when I see so many colors of shirts, something we did not even have in my day. When I see your jeans, I wonder, "What amazing animal did these pelts come from? And what magic was used to fade them?" And they come in so many sizes and types -- relaxed fit, loose fit, boot cut, relaxed boot cut, loose boot cut, relaxed loose boot cut regular. My primitive mind can't grasp these concepts.
But there is one thing I do know:

Next time, I'm taking a cavewoman with me.

Working through the laughter

I was at the gym today doing some cardio when a camera crew from a local TV news station came to visit. I didn't know what they were doing at the time, but apparently, there's riveting news in the sock world. Of course, I can't make too much fun because it's the University of Missouri that's on the leading edge of sock technology. (Go Tigers!)

Anyhow, besides shooting random footage of people, they ended up interviewing this really hot girl that was on a treadmill near me. Unfortunately, the way the camera was placed put me squarely in the background. So I spent half of my workout trying not to look:
a) lazy
b) at the camera
c) like a total idiot
d) too sweaty and gross

I really can't stand seeing myself on video (one of the reasons I decided against going into broadcast news) and was trying to resist the urge to suddenly flee. But by the time I realized what was going on, it was too late, and I thought it would be odd and distracting if I suddenly got off the cardio machine in the middle of their interview. So I kept on doing my thing, trying not to laugh or smile because I was amused by the situation. Of course, then I started thinking about funny things that might happen while the camera was on.

In my head: "Man, it would be funny if she fell off the back of that treadmill in the middle of the interview."
(Resisting grin)
"No. No, it wouldn't. That's not funny."
(slight smile)
"OK, it kind of is."
(full-fledged smirk)
"Geez! Stop doing that!! You're going to look like an idiot on TV."
(look out window until I can get myself under control)
"I wonder what would happen if I fell off the back of this thing."
(amused look)
"Hmm ... I don't think I can fall off an EFX machine. Even if I tried."
"Still, it's a funny thought."
(slight grin)
"I could be like those idiots you always see in the background and start waving at the camera. That would probably piss the news people off, though. Plus, I don't want to look like a doofus in front of the hot girl."
(glance out of the corner of my eye at hot girl)
"DUDE! What are you doing?!?! It's gonna look like you're checking out that girl and it's gonna be on TV!! That was stupid."
(force myself to look back at magazine)
"I wonder if they're done yet?"
(do a half-glance in their direction)
"COME ON!!! You are totally hopeless. Stop it. Stop it now."

And so it went.

I happened to catch the segment on TV this afternoon. I was indeed on camera but somewhat out of focus in the background and not doing anything idiotic or embarrassing. The interview part of the story was mercifully short.

But next time, I think I'll just flee.