Serenity

More stories soon, but I just have to say quick that you should all go see the movie "Serenity." My fellow Gig Matrix writers have already written quite a bit about it, so I won't review it, but suffice to say that if you liked "Firefly" (the TV series it was based off of), or any of Joss Whedon's other works ("Buffy" and "Angel"), you HAVE to go see this movie. And even if you didn't see "Firefly," you won't be lost. It's a fantastic action/adventure movie with great fights, Joss' trademark humor, captivating drama and it's even more intense and darker than I would have expected (which works really well).

What I'm trying to say is, if you don't go see this movie ... well, then the terrorists will have won.

So you should go. Now.

News in a nutshell: Sept. 19-25

Sound smart
Hurricane Rita came ashore on the Texas-Louisiana border as a category 3 storm. While it caused mass evacuations, flooding (including in New Orleans -- again) and a good deal of damage, it was not as devastating as many had feared. Twenty-four elderly people died trying to evacuate the Houston area when their bus caught fire, but only two people's deaths have been attributed to the storm. And don't worry -- the oil is safe.

A JetBlue airplane made an emergency landing Wednesday after its front wheel got stuck sideways. I know JetBlue is a discount airline, but is landing gear really the thing you want to skimp on? Because I'm actually willing to pay the extra money for that.

Kate Moss apologized for using cocaine and lost numerous ad campaigns. Oh, Kate. What happened to that girl who posed topless in underwear ads at the age of 14 and who made a career out of being "heroin chic"? Has fame really changed you so much?

NASA on Monday unveiled plans for a new generation of rockets to take humans back to the moon by 2018. The Bush administration has pushed to get man back to the moon and eventually Mars. I suspect they think there's oil there, or possibly weapons of mass destruction. We might also be colonizing the moon so that we can fight the Martians there, rather than here on Earth.

Boring, but important
A Senate committee approved 13-5 John Roberts' nomination for chief justice. The full Senate will vote this week, but he's expected to be confirmed and the debate has moved on to who will fill Sandra Day O'Connor's seat, leaving Roberts feeling a little ignored. He was overheard last week asking anyone who will listen: "Want to hear my position on Roe v. Wade? Anyone? Anyone? Come on ... Guys ... ???"

And now for some good news
Researchers are working on vaccines for several sexually transmitted diseases, although they would work best if given to children as young as 11. Some conservative groups are already alarmed, apparently fearing that the vaccines would also make children immune to sexual education.

What the ...?!?
A study has found women are cleaner than men -- at least as measured by the number of people who wash their hands in public restrooms. If you were smart enough to figure that out on your own, well, gosh, let me shake your hand ...

The government is considering a plan to put the faces of past presidents on the dollar coin, similar to the states quarter program. Because after the failure of the Eisenhower dollar, the Susan B. Anthony dollar and the gold Sacagawea dollar, I think it's clear that what the American people are really clamoring for is more dollar coins.

A reporter on a Dutch TV show for teenagers plans on using drugs on the air. Kate Moss is expected to guest star.

Beach bum

It's the end of September, but it was still hot enough for me to spend the afternoon at the beach before going into work Friday.

Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Minnesota anymore...

A Lost cause

I had every intention of going out tonight and being sociable. A group of local young journalists was gathering at a bar at about 8 p.m. and so I was going to go and hang out with the few people I knew and hopefully make some new friends. Unfortunately, I was thinking it started an hour later than it did, and so I didn't start eating dinner until 8. By the time I realized my mistake it was 9 and the season premiere of "Lost" was on.

Decisions, decisions ...

I could go out and be friendly, meet some new people.

Or I could stay home, where I already was, and see what was at the bottom of that hatch.

Needless to say, the television won.

I feel kind of bad about it -- I mean, I'd already set my VCR to tape the show, but I really wanted to know what was going to happen! And of course, then I watched "Invasion" (which I'm not overly impressed with yet, but I'll give it a few episodes) and the "Daily Show." And by that time, well, it was really too late to be going out.

One day, when I'm a fat couch potato in my 40s and my only friends are the prepubescent boys that I'm playing Halo 16 with online, I think we'll be able to look back and trace the slow, downward spiral to this decision.

At least it was a good episode.

News in a nutshell: Sept. 12-18

Sound smart
On Monday, the last Israeli troops left the Gaza Strip and the Palestinians took control of the territory. Unfortunately, it became difficult to control the masses flowing into the area and destruction of property followed. See? The Palestinans aren't so different from Americans. Or at least American teenagers throwing a party after their parents have left for the weekend.

The people in Afghanistan defied numerous threats to vote for members of their parliament on Sunday. And while turnout was lower than hoped, it will be more than a week before results will be in. However, all the major media outlets have done their own exit polling and called the country for Dewey.

In other election news, there was no clear majority in the German vote for a new chancellor, causing major problems in the country. National strife over an election without a clear winner? Wow. I guess we really are spreading our democracy throughout the world...


Boring, but important
John Roberts went through Senate confirmation hearings as the senators peppered him with questions before voting whether to approve his nomination as chief justice. As expected, there was plenty of grandstanding by senators, and Roberts dodged a lot of the questions regarding his positions on legal issues. However, he was willing to draw the line in one case -- that of Smelt It v. Dealt It. He came down firmly on the side of precedent, citing, "He who smelt it, dealt it."

Delta Air Lines and Northwest Airlines filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy Wednesday. Soon enough, you'll be paying peanuts for a flight on those airlines.
Wait, I'm sorry, I meant paying FOR peanuts on a flight on those airlines.


Sorry to say
Al-Qaida in Iraq has declared war on Shiite civilians and killed 167 people in 14 bombings in Baghdad on Wednesday. More than 250 had been killed by violence by the end of the week.


And now for some good news
The 2005 Emmys were held Sunday. "Lost" won and "The Daily Show" got a couple of awards, so I can't complain too much. Plus, Go Fug Yourself always has some great stuff the day after an awards show, and this was no exception.

Eighteen days after Hurricane Katrina hit, rescuers found a man who had managed to survive trapped in his sweltering attic with only a gallon and a half of water. How did he get in this predicament? His family had evacuated, but he stayed to attend church and then took a nap. When he woke up, his house was rapidly flooding and he only had time to grab some water before retreating to the attic. I'm torn between thinking, "Man, good thing he went to church earlier" and "Man, God was really trying to kill that guy."

What the ...?!?
A comprehensive study on sexual behavior found that more than half of all teenagers 15-19 have had oral sex and, in a surprising increase, 14 percent of women 18-29 have had at least one sexual experience with another woman. I suggest buying stock in "Girls Gone Wild."

This was the first year schools and colleges were forced to teach something about the Constitution around Sept. 17, as required by a law passed last year. Some schools presented speeches or debates. Some served "presidential pierogies" and "patriotic pasta" or had faculty members do a samba parade dressed as articles and amendments. Guess which schools were taking the law more seriously?

A Toronto man set the world's record for watching TV at 69 hours and 48 minutes. Because he was in the lobby of an ABC station, he watched nothing but ABC shows. His streak ended Friday morning, no doubt when he realized that if he kept watching, he was going to be subjected to another "Live With Regis and Kelly."

Cell phones may soon offer porn. Because driving and talking on a cell phone wasn't dangerous enough ...

Animal magnetism

I'm dog-sitting for a friend from work. It's pretty low-key as far as this sort of thing goes -- the dog's got a fenced in yard that he hangs out and runs around in, so I really just have to give him food once a day and make sure he doesn't run out of water. This is about my pace for dog-sitting. I'm not really a dog person. Or a pet person in general. I had a rabbit as a kid and some fish that I think killed each other, but that's it. I like animals, and they tend to like me; I've just never really felt the need to own one. Part of it is that I like to be able to leave for a couple days at a time, or even for the day, and not have to worry about a pet. Part of it is that I can barely commit to owning a plant, so you can understand my trepidation about an animal. (Also, I'm slightly allergic to some animals, but that's not usually too big of a deal.)

But I'm also a little uncomfortable with owning a pet because hanging out with one feels a lot to me like making small talk with a stranger. It's cool to hang out together for a bit, but after about 5-10 minutes, it just sort of gets awkward.

Take today with the dog, for instance. My friend left yesterday morning, so I stopped by late last night, but then I came over about noon today to give the dog food and do laundry, which my friend encouraged me to do at her house. After the initial salutations and sniffing (by the dog, not me), I poured the food and filled the water bowl. We played fetch for a while and then both get bored of that. We went inside the house while I started the laundry. I gave him a chewy thing and he laid down on the floor while I started reading the newspaper. After awhile, he finished that and came over to see what I was up to. I petted him for a little bit. And then we both got bored of that.

He went back to laying on the floor and looked at me as if to say:
"So ...."
Me: (pause) "So ...."
Dog: "Here we are."
Me: "Yep. ... Here we are."
Dog: "So how long before my owner gets back?"
Me: "A week and a half."
Dog: "..."
Me: "Sorry about that."
Dog: (Puts head back down and goes back to looking bored.)

(A moment later)
Me: "I don't guess you know any cool tricks -- like how to play dead? Or how to play 'Halo'?"
Dog: "Nope. ... You know any cool tricks?"
Me: "No. Not really. Sorry."
Dog: (shrugs)

(We go back to sort of staring at each other. Eventually, he starts licking himself and I go back to the paper.)

I fear it's going to be a long week and a half for the dog.

News in a nutshell: Sept. 5-11

Sound smart
Out of the Hurricane Katrina disaster, there have been many -- too many -- horrific tales, but there have also been moving and uplifting moments. And, of course, there have been some absurd moments. I share with you just a few of those:

1) Anything that had to do with a celebrity and how he/she felt about the disaster. I'm glad so many of them are donating and helping out with relief efforts, but why on Earth do I care how Celine Dion or Oprah feels about what happened? Seriously, people, the worshipping has gone too far...

2) President Bush said: "I don't think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees." Which would be true if you didn't take into account every major media outlet and expert on the subject. Which is why maybe it would be nice to have a leader who reads the frickin' newspaper.

3) When FEMA and White House officials were criticized for their response to the hurricane, they quickly chastised others for playing "the blame game" ... before pointing their fingers at the city and state governments. They also quickly added: "No tag-backs."

4) Finally, my personal favorite. When looting and chaos was rampant in New Orleans during the days after the hurricane struck and before help arrived, FEMA Director Michael Brown did not attribute the violence to the lack of security, desperation or myriad other factors. No, he placed the blame squarely where it belonged:
On video games.
"Some of these kids think this is a game," he said. "They somehow got their hands on a weapon. They think they are playing 'Pacman' or something and shooting at people. Those kinds of hot spots will continue, but I can tell you they will learn very quickly the 82nd Airborne does not like to be shot at. This is not a game."

PACMAN?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
THAT's what you're gonna go with? Not even "Grand Theft Auto"? I'm sorry, but if the day comes that we see rotund people running amok in the streets eating pellets and popping steroid pills before chasing guys named Blinky, Pinky, Inkey and Clyde, THEN we can blame "Pacman." But this?!?
Just sit down and be quiet, dude.

Check out an interesting analysis on the relief efforts and some of what went wrong at every level.


Sorry to say
Jerry Rice (the San Francisco treat) retired Monday after 20 seasons in the NFL. The receiver, who holds 38 NFL records, spent most of his time with the San Francisco 49ers, before playing for Oakland and Seattle, and then joining the Denver Broncos. He was one of football's greatest players, and I not only tip my hat to him, but I'm willing to incur the 15-yard penalty for excessively celebrating his career.

Bob Denver, best known as Gilligan of "Gilligan's Island" and Maynard G. Krebs of "The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis," has died. He will be cremated and his ashes scattered at sea during a three-hour tour. A three-hour tour...

What the ...?!?
As if the monkeys overrunning Puerto Rico on their way to Las Vegas weren't enough, our fight against the primates just got tougher with the discovery that chimps are able to detect and destroy traps.
Humanity is so screwed.

It ends up that George Washington, in his younger days, was probably quite a hottie. This discovery was made during the creation of a statue of Washington when he was 19 that will eventually be on display at Mount Vernon. I think this could lead to a host of marketing possibilities. For instance, Washington action figures with cherry-tree-chopping action.*

*Cherry tree sold separately.

Batting 1000

I had today off of work and pretty much did nothing that resembled work or chores, except a quick trip to the grocery store. First, I went to the batting cage where, having learned from my past mistakes, I was careful to observe which speed I was selecting.

I started out with some slow softballs. No problem.

After a couple of rounds, I switched over to the medium-speed baseballs. The change in speed and from softballs to baseball took some adjustment, but I started to hit my groove.
But then the balls kept coming.
And coming.

I started to think, "Gee, this round sure is going a long time."
Then it became clear that the machine was stuck in the on position.

I kept hitting, partly because I wanted to see if it would ever stop, partly because, hey, free rounds of baseball! (I was the only one at the batting cages.) But after awhile, I started wearing down. I was just half-heartedly swinging, barely even trying to make contact. It was more a battle of will than anything just because I like to see things through.

But eventually, I had to concede to the machien and walked out of the cage, dragging my bat from exhaustion.

From there, I went to the accompanying driving range. Now, I've never actually played golf. I went to the driving range several times in high school for one gym class I took (OK, I took it twice -- it involved bowling, too). I also play a fierce game of mingolf, and I've driven a golf cart around a course before. But that's it.

I was also using the range's crappy club -- a 3 iron that was too short, I think. So it wasn't a huge surprise when my first shot sort of bounced off the tee and down onto the grass.

Second shot: A total whiff.

But eventually, I inconsistently got the hang of it. I hit some that were in the 140-150 range. (I assume it was measured in feet, but it didn't say for sure.) And I whiffed on several others. One I barely touched and it rolled off the tee as if blown over by the breeze. Several I banked off the divider right next to me.

It's a good thing nobody was too close to me or, I hope, watching.

Anyhow, after beginning my quest for one of those stylish green jackets, I headed to a park called, I kid you not, Mount Trashmore.



It is, in fact, a giant landfill that has been covered over and turned into a park and accompanying lake with trails. And it's not nearly as disgusting as you would think it would be. It's kind of nice except that it's sandwiched between an interstate and a major thoroughfare, so the serenity leaves a little to be desired, but it's still a nice hill and lake and, judging by the other people there, a good place to fly kites.

After last week's feast, I decided to forgo the cooking and just got pizza and a movie ("Monster," which was ... eh).

All in all, not a bad day.

Follow-up

Knowing that at some points even police were being turned back from angry crowds and some were turning in their badges because of the situation in New Orleans, and that rescue workers were sometimes being shot at, and the extensive damage cut off most, if not all, routes into many areas destroyed by Katrina, I'm trying not to be too quick to assign blame. But it's clear that relief efforts did not go as they should have and tough questions will have to be answered at some point.

I thought the most moving example of the needless deaths was given by Aaron Broussard, president of Jefferson Parish, who spoke Sunday on NBC's "Meet the Press" about the elderly mother of a city employee trapped in a nursing home and waiting for rescue:

"Every day she called him and said, 'Are you coming, son? Is somebody coming?' And he said, 'Yeah, Mama, somebody's coming to get you.' 'Somebody's coming to get you on Tuesday.' 'Somebody's coming to get you on Wednesday.' 'Somebody's coming to get you on Thursday.' 'Somebody's coming to get you on Friday.' And she drowned Friday night. And she drowned Friday night." At that point, he broke into uncontrollable sobs. He later said, "It's not just Katrina that caused all these deaths in New Orleans here. Bureaucracy has committed murder here in the greater New Orleans area."

A clip of the interview, which has other shocking examples of refused aid, is up on iFilm, as is an emotional and angry segment on Fox News by, surprisingly, Geraldo Rivera and Shepard Smith, who seem completely baffled and distressed by the conditions that people are in almost a week after the hurricane hit.

Incidentally, for those that argue there was no way to see this sort of thing coming, the Times Picayune did a series (up on their Web site) three years ago about the sort of catastrophe a a major hurricane could cause. It is eerily prescient now.

In closing, I thought this was an interesting opinion piece about the relief efforts and the media.

News in a nutshell: Aug. 29-Sept. 4

Sound smart
Well, obviously the biggest news of the week was the devastation wrought by Hurricane Katrina. If for some reason you didn't already know, the quick version of events is this:

Hurricane Katrina made landfall early last Monday, veering east at the last minute and sparing New Orleans a direct hit. However, that was of little comfort the next day when a few of the levees broke and 80 percent of New Orleans became submerged in water, up to 20 feet deep in places. One-third of New Orleans residents live in poverty; the same amount don't own cars. So many were unable to evacuate the city. Thousands fled to the Superdome or the convention center and endured days of squalid conditions. Others took refuge in their houses -- a fatal decision for many. Many were rescued from rooftops. Because of the extensive damage and flooding, among other reasons, the aid and rescue was slow to come. Lawlessness and anarchy reigned for among the desperate survivors, with looting and violence rampant. Soldiers and help have since begun to arrive and tens of thousands of people have been evacuated from the city to other areas of the country. It will be months before the water is drained, the power restored and the city is even close to being habitable. It will be years before it is rebuilt. Rescuers spent most of the week pushing aside the dead bodies in the water in their search for survivors, so the death toll is unknown. But is expected to be in the thousands and some officials have said as high as 10,000. Communities in Mississippi were especially hit hard as well, especially around Gulfport -- some towns were completely destroyed. The entire Gulf Coast is in shambles. Katrina will most likely be the costliest hurricane on record. Hundreds of thousands of people have nowhere to go -- they've lost their homes, their jobs, their possessions, everything but the clothes they were wearing and any meager items they might have taken with them when they left. They have nothing but an uncertain future.

For those interested in helping, the Red Cross is the main organization taking donations, but there are many other ways to help. Wired News has compiled a list of hurricane-related links. The ladies over at Fug have amassed an extensive list of relief organizations and also stores where you can shop to help out the survivors. I suggest checking out your local media outlets for local opportunities to help. This will be especially needed as the displaced are transferred to various cities around the country.

For more information, the Times Picayune's Web site has photo galleries, stories, info on areas and missing people, and host of other things.


In other important but also sad news, in Baghdad, Iraq, on Wednesday, 950 people -- mostly women and children -- died in a stampede after rumors of a suicide bomber spread through a procession of Shiite pilgrims.

Also, United States Chief Justice William Rehnquist died Saturday night at the age of 80. He had served on the Supreme Court for 33 years. President Bush has nominated John Roberts, who had been tapped for Sandra Day O'Connor's associate justice position, to become the new chief justice. Confirmation hearings will be held in the next week or so.
It should be noted that Pat Robertson, not that along ago, prayed for more openings on the Supreme Court. I would officially like to apologize for making fun of him last week and say, "Mr. Robertson, please don't have God smite me, too."

And that was pretty much the week. I wish had funny, crazy news or good news. Hell, I wish I had something boring. All I can say is: sorry.

Here's hoping this week is better.

The Bachelor Bakes, Part II: Back in the Kitchen

"This time, it's personal."

You may recall my failed attempt at the chocolate and cherry cookies a couple of weeks ago. Well, this afternoon I decided to give it another go. I used chocolate chips instead of way too much of the wrong kind of chocolate. And I was careful to make what I thought were 1-inch balls of dough for the cookies. But apparently my default setting for cookies really is ginormous, and I still ended up with half as many balls of dough as I was supposed to have. So I begrudgingly cut them in half and made smaller cookies.

See, sometimes I can exhibit self-control and learn from my mistakes.

This time, the cookies turned out excellent, if I do say so myself.




As a bonus, I had some left over cherries and left over frosting, so I created my own chocolate-covered cherries. Mmmmm....

Score one for perseverance in the kitchen!

Cooking up trouble

It's possible I went a little overboard in my cooking efforts this week. Shutterbug sent me a cookbook of 30-minute meals, and so I picked a couple out to make on my night off work. On the menu: sea scallops with vermouth (over a bed of artichoke hearts and assorted other things) with a side of veal scaloppini with wine, mushrooms and green olives.

Now this is ambitious for two reasons -- the menu sounds very impressive and the meals involve a lot of things I was pretty sure I don't like (artichoke hearts, mushrooms, green olives, etc.) But I like scallops, meat and linguini. So I figured if I was going to expand my horizons, I ought to jump in with both feet.

Unfortunately, not everything went quite as planned.

I started with the scallops with vermouth, which wasn't much of a problem -- once I consulted a friend about what exactly vermouth was and where to get it. (Alcohol isn't exactly my forte.) I pulled that together pretty quickly and thought, "Hey, this isn't so bad!"

Oh, silly, silly Briguy.

I began with putting together the veal scaloppini by cooking the linguini. No problem. Then I started putting together the other stuff, which involved chopping a lot of things. I was very excited to be using my new food chopper (thanks to all who suggested it -- it's made my prep time infinitely shorter) but I'm still getting the hang of it. I wasn't chopping so much as obliterating most of the things I put in there. And I found out it doesn't work so well for raw bacon. That mostly makes a mess. And while I was scooping out this bacony mess, it occurred to me that I hadn't taken the blade part of the chopper out yet. I realized this when I sliced my finger on the blade.

I quickly used a paper towel to put pressure on the wound while removing the rather sharp blade and putting the rest of the bacon into the frying pan. This gave me two to three minutes before the next ingredient needed to be added.

So I ran into the bathroom and tried to stem the flow of blood. Eventually, I got to the point where I could put a Band-Aid on it and went back into the kitchen.

Onion was next on the list, so I cleaned the chopper out and began peeling the onion over the trash can, trying hard not to use the middle finger of my right hand because blood was starting to seep around the Band-Aid and I didn't want to get it on the onion.

Then my eyes started to water.
It was about that time that I dropped the onion in the garbage can.

Luckily, it landed on a plastic bag I had stuck in there only moments ago, so I picked it up, washed it off and finished what I was doing. (Don't look at me like I'm gross -- it's not like I was George eating an eclair out of the garbage...)

Anyhow, after that was chopped and added to the mix, I went back to the bathroom to replace the bandage and that pretty much took care of that. But shortly after that, after cooking the meat, the directions got a little confusing, my scallops were getting cold and I was tired of all the cooking, especially since at that point I was just making things I didn't really have an interest in. So I just ditched the rest of the recipe, added the veal to the linguini sans the mushrooms, olives and the rest of that stuff.

At this point, it was also apparent that I had more food than I could possibly consume. While the Food Network's Rachel Ray was cooking multicourse meals for families of at least four, I was cooking for one. And I still had pan-seared shrimp and scallop skewers to make the next day. (They turned out just great, thanks.) But that basically gave me enough food for 12 meals.

I ate what I could (not a fan of the artichoke, as it ends up), and I'll be eating the rest for the next 5 days until the laws of good health demand that one throw the food out.

Next time, I think I'll just make one meal at a time.