Yes, believe it or not, I'm still trying to post things other than the news in a nutshell. I just haven't been too good about that lately. Sorry.
Anyhow, I went to get my oil changed last week and the mechanic looked at it and said, "There's nothing in here."
"Excuse me?" I said, somewhat incredulously.
"It's empty. You've got no oil." And he showed me. Sure enough, no oil.
This was vexing for several reasons, not the least of which was the possibility of my engine seizing up and my bank account emptying out. I had just checked the oil about two weeks ago and it was fine.
I hadn't noticed any leaks. I park in the same spot in front of my apartment building everyday, and I later confirmed that there was not, in fact, any oil leaking. This leaves the option that the car is burning oil. But it seemed like I would notice it burning that much oil, as well, what with all the smoke and rank smell that would accompany it.
So I took it to the local Saturn dealership to see what was the matter. I've not been impressed with them in the past, but they were nearby, so I figured what the heck.
After about two hours, I was reminded why I don't like them.
Their solution: They put some more oil in it and said to come back in 500 miles and they could see if it was leaking or anything.
Like I couldn't have done that myself.
That was last Wednesday. I checked the oil level again today and it's fine. Totally fine.
There are some people who will tell you that a car is a lot like a woman -- treat them well and take care of them, and they'll do the same for you. But there's another similarity:
I don't understand either one of them.
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
Monday, June 06, 2005
News in a nutshell: 5/29-6/4
Sound smart
Of course, the biggest news of the week was the discovery of the identity of Deep Throat: Linda Lovelace.
Oops, sorry, I was looking at the wrong Web site ...
Ahem. The secret source that helped Washington Post reporters Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein uncover the Watergate scandal was revealed to be former FBI official W. Mark Felt. The icon was outed by his family in a Vanity Fair article basically because Felt's family members wanted to cash in on their father's identity. The revelation met with mixed reactions, including those who called Felt a traitor and a "snake." Because surely the last thing we want in our society are people who will tell the truth about corruption in the government.
Speaking of people trying to make money off their family members, a book was published last week by three siblings who say DNA tests have confirmed they are the out-of-wedlock children of American aviator Charles Lindbergh. (Bastards.) They also say Lindbergh had two children with their mother's sister and two children with his German secretary. That's seven illegitimate kids, for those of you keeping score at home. Meanwhile, Ben Franklin's descendants laughed and said of Lindbergh: "Amateur."
The French and Dutch rejected the European Union's constitution, which must be approved by all 25 member nations. The constitution was designed to create more cohesion in the EU, but critics in France said it would open up the country to the influence of less powerful countries. The French then thumbed their noses at the EU and said, "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries."
On Thursday, Jennifer Wilbanks, aka the "Runaway Bride," pleaded no contest to faking her abduction and was fined $2,550 (on top of the $13,250 she has already paid) and sentenced to 120 hours of community service and two years of probation. She must also continue her mental health treatment. The judge also ordered her to sit through every made-for-TV-movie that her escapade will inspire, though her attorneys have appealed this, calling it cruel and unusual.
On June 15, airlines will have to start reporting how many pets are killed, lost or hurt on their flights. It's estimated that 2 million animals fly every year, though that number goes up significantly once they start serving alcohol.
Boring, but important
On Thursday, President Bush nominated Republican Rep. Christopher Cox to head the Securities and Exchange Commission. The SEC is in charge of protecting investors and maintaining the integrity of the securities market and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....
And now for some good news
Danica Patrick finished fourth in the Indy 500 on Sunday, the highest a woman has ever finished the race. I think some guy won the thing, but nobody was really watching him.
Danielle Fisher, 20, reached the top of Mount Everest last week and became the youngest person to climb the highest peaks on every continent. Unfortunately, it's pretty much all downhill for her from here.
On Monday, Miss Canada was crowned the new Miss Universe. No hyperbole there ...
On Thursday, eighth-grader Anurag Kashyap became the U.S. spelling champ after correctly spelling "appoggiatura." Upon winning, Anurag said he felt "just pure happiness. H-A-P-P-I-N-E-S-S. Happiness."
What the ...?!?
The chicken that crossed the road just to get a ticket had its $54 citation dismissed by a judge. The defense attorney argued that the chicken was domesticated and the law prohibits only livestock on highways. So ... apparently the chicken is a pet now? As if the whole thing weren't weird enough. (I'd like to point out that I refrained from making any "fowl" puns.)
A University of Virginia study has found that popular teenagers are more likely to drink, smoke marijuana, shoplift and vandalize property than their less-popular peers. This finally proves that, yes, all the cool kids really are doing it.
Subway announced Thursday that it's ending its Sub Club promotion -- where customers get a stamp for every 6-inch sub they buy and get a free sub after eight stamps on their card. Apparently, counterfeiters were making copies of the stamps and cards and selling them online. Seriously? These people have all this counterfeiting knowledge and they're using it to get free SANDWICHES?!?! Way to aim high, guys. What's next? Counterfeit library cards?
In Russia, a 48-foot-deep lake simply disappeared over a few hours. Officials believe it was sucked into a subterranean cavern and later flowed into a nearby river. The local villagers kept telling their kids not to pull on the giant plug at the bottom of the lake, but noooo ... they just had to see what would happen.
And finally, rich and famous heiress Paris Hilton got engaged to a rich and famous heir also named Paris (Latsis). This should be an interesting test of whether you can base a marriage on narcissism.
Saturday, May 28, 2005
News in a nutshell
Sound smart
Scientists have discovered how the brain detects sarcasm. Like anyone cares. (Yes, that was sarcasm for any of you with damage to the right frontal lobe. And yes, this will be a theme for this week's brief wrap-up.)
Boring, but important
On Monday night, a bipartisan group of 14 senators reached an agreement to avoid a vote on banning filibusters against judicial nominees. The agreement cleared the way for some of President Bush's nominees to be approved and stipulated that Democrats would only use filibusters in "extreme circumstances," though it left it up to each party to decide what that means. So I'm sure the arguing in the Senate is over.
On Thursday, the Senate delayed a vote on whether to confirm John Bolton as U.N. ambassador until at least next month, calling him a "no-talent, ass clown." Oh wait, that's the other Bolton. Never mind.
And now for some good news
Carrie Underwood won the latest "American Idol." I don't really care, but it's good news for her. And as long as she doesn't pair up with any other "Idol" stars to make a movie, I figure it can't be too bad for the rest of us.
What the ...?!?
A woman in a California park restroom gave her attacker the slip because she had put on so much sunscreen he couldn't grab hold of her. Sunscreen companies quickly began promoting their products as a deterrent against skin cancer and assault.
A 56-hour standoff in Atlanta ended early Saturday after a man accused of killing his ex-girlfriend in Florida reached for a drink of water offered by police, who got close enough to zap him with a stun gun. The standoff began when he climbed an 18-story-high crane Wednesday and threatened to jump, prompting one of the officers to say (I kid you not): "When he's ready to come down, he'll come down -- one way or the other."
It was discovered that 14 states had been providing nearly 800 convicted sex offenders with Viagara and other impotence drugs paid for through Medicaid. Next on the list of state initiatives: Free drinks for everyone at AA meetings! Yay!!!!
Speaking of such things, reports indicate there may be a link between the use of impotence drugs and blindness. Meanwhile, numerous mothers and nuns issued a public "I told you so."
Sunday, May 22, 2005
The week in a nutshell
I'm looking for a good title for this thing -- any suggestions?
Impress your friends
Alcoholics everywhere rejoiced Monday when the Supreme Court ruled that state laws restricting the shipment of wine from out-of-state businesses are unconstitutional. This also means that not all of us will have to leave home and go on some crazy journey like those guys in "Sideways" just to get sloshed.
Newsweek did a bad, bad thing, relying on one anonymous source for a story saying that U.S. interrogators at Guantanamo Bay had flushed the Quran down a toilet to get prisoners to talk. On Monday, the magazine retracted the article, which has been blamed for causing Muslim protests and violence that left 15 people dead and many more injured. The White House immediately began berating Newsweek and the media in general for creating problems between the United States and the Muslim world.
Because clearly things had been going soooo smoothly up until the Newsweek article...
Frank Gorshin, best known as the Riddler on the "Batman" TV series in the '60s (and in perennial reruns after that) died Tuesday at age 72. May he Riddle in Peace.
In other obituary news, Henry Corden, the voice of Fred Flintstone, also died last week. He was 85.
The Sun in London and the New York Post on Friday and Saturday published pictures of Saddam Hussein in his underwear in his cell in Iraq. The pictures caused an uproar over whether they violate the Geneva Conventions (one aspect of which requires protecting prisoners of war from "public curiosity"), but on the bright side they eliminated one more place that Saddam might be hiding those supposed weapons of mass destruction.
Just, like, a week after scientists were saying that the discovery of the rock rat could very well be the last discovery of a new mammal species, they announce that they've found a new kind of monkey. I think they're just holding out on us. By the end of the month, we're going to find out that unicorns are real.
Boring, but you should know about it
The government is looking to put defensive, and possibly offensive, weapons into space. No word on when they'll start replacing the moon with a Death Star.
Scientists are also working on creating the world's most powerful laser, which would generate the heat of the sun. And you thought I was just joking in the previous item.
A South Korean says that he again cloned human embryos, creating stem cells tailored to an individual. You're probably either very supportive of this kind of research and its possible benfits or staunchly opposed to it for moral reasons, so ... umm ... I'm just going to quietly slip into the next item...
It wasn't all bad
Los Angeles residents on Tuesday elected the city's first Hispanic mayor -- Antonio Villaraigosa -- in 133 years. Let the name mispronunciation begin...
Afleet Alex stumbled to his knees after being cut off by another horse but recovered to win the Preakness Stakes on Saturday, proving you can't keep a good horse down.
The force is strong with this one: "Star Wars: Episode III -- Revenge of the Sith" made more than $50 million when it opened Thursday, breaking box office records for a single day.
Britney Spears' new "reality" TV show debuted Tuesday to a paltry 3.4 million viewers, finishing last in its time slot and giving me hope for humanity.
What the ...?!?
A kid in Indiana crawled into one of those toy vending machines with the crane. His parents tried to get him out, but the crane kept bumping into the glass and dropping him before they could get him over the hole. Eventually, they ran out of quarters.
Impress your friends
Alcoholics everywhere rejoiced Monday when the Supreme Court ruled that state laws restricting the shipment of wine from out-of-state businesses are unconstitutional. This also means that not all of us will have to leave home and go on some crazy journey like those guys in "Sideways" just to get sloshed.
Newsweek did a bad, bad thing, relying on one anonymous source for a story saying that U.S. interrogators at Guantanamo Bay had flushed the Quran down a toilet to get prisoners to talk. On Monday, the magazine retracted the article, which has been blamed for causing Muslim protests and violence that left 15 people dead and many more injured. The White House immediately began berating Newsweek and the media in general for creating problems between the United States and the Muslim world.
Because clearly things had been going soooo smoothly up until the Newsweek article...
Frank Gorshin, best known as the Riddler on the "Batman" TV series in the '60s (and in perennial reruns after that) died Tuesday at age 72. May he Riddle in Peace.
In other obituary news, Henry Corden, the voice of Fred Flintstone, also died last week. He was 85.
The Sun in London and the New York Post on Friday and Saturday published pictures of Saddam Hussein in his underwear in his cell in Iraq. The pictures caused an uproar over whether they violate the Geneva Conventions (one aspect of which requires protecting prisoners of war from "public curiosity"), but on the bright side they eliminated one more place that Saddam might be hiding those supposed weapons of mass destruction.
Just, like, a week after scientists were saying that the discovery of the rock rat could very well be the last discovery of a new mammal species, they announce that they've found a new kind of monkey. I think they're just holding out on us. By the end of the month, we're going to find out that unicorns are real.
Boring, but you should know about it
The government is looking to put defensive, and possibly offensive, weapons into space. No word on when they'll start replacing the moon with a Death Star.
Scientists are also working on creating the world's most powerful laser, which would generate the heat of the sun. And you thought I was just joking in the previous item.
A South Korean says that he again cloned human embryos, creating stem cells tailored to an individual. You're probably either very supportive of this kind of research and its possible benfits or staunchly opposed to it for moral reasons, so ... umm ... I'm just going to quietly slip into the next item...
It wasn't all bad
Los Angeles residents on Tuesday elected the city's first Hispanic mayor -- Antonio Villaraigosa -- in 133 years. Let the name mispronunciation begin...
Afleet Alex stumbled to his knees after being cut off by another horse but recovered to win the Preakness Stakes on Saturday, proving you can't keep a good horse down.
The force is strong with this one: "Star Wars: Episode III -- Revenge of the Sith" made more than $50 million when it opened Thursday, breaking box office records for a single day.
Britney Spears' new "reality" TV show debuted Tuesday to a paltry 3.4 million viewers, finishing last in its time slot and giving me hope for humanity.
What the ...?!?
A kid in Indiana crawled into one of those toy vending machines with the crane. His parents tried to get him out, but the crane kept bumping into the glass and dropping him before they could get him over the hole. Eventually, they ran out of quarters.
Saturday, May 21, 2005
5k -- OK!
I ran a 5k this morning. I signed up for it a few weeks ago because it was sponsored by my work and because I thought it would be a good impetus to run a little and get in shape.
Number of days to prepare: About 21
Number of days I actually ran: 0
But I figured if Christa can run a marathon on an exercise regimen of cigarette smoking and binge drinking, surely I could manage a mere five kilometers after just a few months of not going to the gym. (The cheaper one I want to go to doesn't open until next month.)
It didn't help that the race was at 8:30 in the morning and I had to leave about an hour before the race to get out there, find a parking spot, get signed in, etc. So I had to wake up at 6:45 a.m. after working until 1 a.m.
I'm glad to say I finished in a somewhat respectable 37 minutes. I walked more than I cared to, but I admittedly wasn't really pushing myself either. BUT the important things are:
1) It was along the oceanfront, which was quite nice.
2) I did not make a fool of myself in front of my co-workers by falling, puking or crawling at any point during the race.
Of course, now I can't really walk without limping, but I can think of worse ways to spend a Saturday morning.
Number of days to prepare: About 21
Number of days I actually ran: 0
But I figured if Christa can run a marathon on an exercise regimen of cigarette smoking and binge drinking, surely I could manage a mere five kilometers after just a few months of not going to the gym. (The cheaper one I want to go to doesn't open until next month.)
It didn't help that the race was at 8:30 in the morning and I had to leave about an hour before the race to get out there, find a parking spot, get signed in, etc. So I had to wake up at 6:45 a.m. after working until 1 a.m.
I'm glad to say I finished in a somewhat respectable 37 minutes. I walked more than I cared to, but I admittedly wasn't really pushing myself either. BUT the important things are:
1) It was along the oceanfront, which was quite nice.
2) I did not make a fool of myself in front of my co-workers by falling, puking or crawling at any point during the race.
Of course, now I can't really walk without limping, but I can think of worse ways to spend a Saturday morning.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
I scream, you scream, we all scream, "HAIL!"
The big news in the geek world, where I often reside, is the unveiling of the next-gen consoles from Sony and Nintendo (following the earlier announcements about the Xbox 360, which I already wrote about). You can see my friends' take on the systems at Gig Matrix, along with my review of the movie "Unleashed." (Yes, I'm still cross-promoting. Get used to it.)
Oh, and if you haven't already heard, Fox is going to renew "Arrested Development." Praise the TV gods!
In anecdotal news, I was at work on Sunday and had a craving for ice cream, so I decided to make a DQ run. So I headed out under what had become cloudy skies. Shortly after leaving DQ, I began to see lightning. I saw a few drops appear on my windshield and began to close the sunroof. As soon as it closed ... WHOOSH! The rain began pouring from the heavens in a manner that made me consider building an ark. And then came the quarter-sized hail. It soon looked like it had snowed outside and I was seriously afraid for my car with all this ice loudly bouncing off it. (The hail actually broke a window of a car in the office parking lot, but everyone else's cars seemed OK.) And apparently, small ponds form quickly in the low-lying area in which I now live. Not fun. But I finally made it back to the parking lot and dashed inside, becoming a drowned, ice-pelted rat in the process.
Just imagine what I would do (oo-ooo) for a Klondike bar...
On the coincidental side, I had been thoroughly cleaning my desk at work earlier in the evening and felt kind of yucky afterward. I thought, "Gee, I sure wish I could take a quick shower."
Apparently, I need to watch what I wish for.
Oh, and if you haven't already heard, Fox is going to renew "Arrested Development." Praise the TV gods!
In anecdotal news, I was at work on Sunday and had a craving for ice cream, so I decided to make a DQ run. So I headed out under what had become cloudy skies. Shortly after leaving DQ, I began to see lightning. I saw a few drops appear on my windshield and began to close the sunroof. As soon as it closed ... WHOOSH! The rain began pouring from the heavens in a manner that made me consider building an ark. And then came the quarter-sized hail. It soon looked like it had snowed outside and I was seriously afraid for my car with all this ice loudly bouncing off it. (The hail actually broke a window of a car in the office parking lot, but everyone else's cars seemed OK.) And apparently, small ponds form quickly in the low-lying area in which I now live. Not fun. But I finally made it back to the parking lot and dashed inside, becoming a drowned, ice-pelted rat in the process.
Just imagine what I would do (oo-ooo) for a Klondike bar...
On the coincidental side, I had been thoroughly cleaning my desk at work earlier in the evening and felt kind of yucky afterward. I thought, "Gee, I sure wish I could take a quick shower."
Apparently, I need to watch what I wish for.
Saturday, May 14, 2005
What you missed this week
I'm going to try something new, and we'll see if anyone likes it and if it sticks. (This could also be, in Christa's words, a ploy to get more hits on my site. Jealous yet, C.L.?)
Impress your friends
On Wednesday, a small plane caused pandemonium in Washington, D.C., and was almost shot down after it wandered deep into restricted airspace. People ran for cover, the first lady and other high-ranking officials were swept away to secure locations, and the president was left to his bike riding, undisturbed.
President Bush visited Russia on Monday to commemorate the 60th anniversary of the Allied victory over the Nazis. It was also intended to smooth over some ruffled feathers that had been caused by Bush's recent remarks while visiting former Soviet republics. There was no hand-holding, but there were flowers . Perhaps the new diplomatic strategy is flirting?
Pope Benedict XVI put John Paul II on the fast track to beatification. Vatican officials are hoping to soon put up the sign: "Over 1 billion sainted"
Boring, but you should know about it
On Wednesday, Republican Sen. George Voinovich said of the controversial John Bolton, President Bush's nominee for U.N. ambassador: "This is not behavior that should be endorsed as the face of the United States to the world community at the United Nations. It is my opinion that John Bolton is the poster child of what someone in the diplomatic corps should not be." Voinovich, a member of the Senate's Foreign Relations Committee, then did the next logical thing: He gave the go-ahead vote to advance Bolton's nomination to the Senate, where he will most likely be approved along party lines.
On Friday, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld released his recommendations for military base closings and realignments. If you live in a military town, check your local listings. If you don't, you probably don't much care.
It wasn't all bad
Giacomo, a 50-1 long shot, won the Kentucky Derby last Saturday. Left eating Giacomo's dust but secure knowing they had much cooler names: Closing Argument, Don't Get Mad, Buzzards Bay, Andromeda's Hero and Going Wild.
On Wednesday, scientists announced the discovery a new family of mammals -- the rock rat. Because what the world really needs is more rodents.
On Thursday, Xbox, in conjunction with MTV, unveiled its next-gen console -- the Xbox 360. Geeks everywhere, already salivating in anticipation of the final "Star Wars" movie, spontaneously combust from the excitement.
Powerball officials had suspected fraud in the March 30 drawing, when 110 people correctly picked five of six numbers (usually only four or five people get that many numbers right), but finally got to the bottom of the mystery. The lucky numbers came from fortune cookies. This also helped explain the fortune a lottery official had gotten earlier: "You will be glad we didn't get all six numbers right."
What the ...?!?
The paintings of renowned artist Congo will be auctioned at a London auction house next month and are expected to sell for $1,130 to $1,500. Never heard of Congo? Maybe that's because he's a chimpanzee.
A California deputy issued a jaywalking ticket for a chicken that did what chickens do -- cross the road.
Proving that Lassie's legacy lives, an abandoned baby in Kenya was believed to have been saved by a stray dog last week and was discovered Monday.
Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney tied the knot Monday. Apparently, she thinks his tractor's sexy.
Pepsi has said it will stop making its low-calorie, 50-percent-less-sugar soda Pepsi Edge. Oh, Edge, we barely had ever heard of ye...
The finger that a woman claimed to have found in her Wendy's chili is believed to belong to a friend of the woman's husband. He apparently lost it in an industrial accident and then gave it to the woman's husband. Yeah, that's right. He gave him the finger.
And Tiger Woods missed the cut at a golf tournament Friday for the first time in seven years and 142 tournaments. Truly, the end of times must be near.
Impress your friends
On Wednesday, a small plane caused pandemonium in Washington, D.C., and was almost shot down after it wandered deep into restricted airspace. People ran for cover, the first lady and other high-ranking officials were swept away to secure locations, and the president was left to his bike riding, undisturbed.
President Bush visited Russia on Monday to commemorate the 60th anniversary of the Allied victory over the Nazis. It was also intended to smooth over some ruffled feathers that had been caused by Bush's recent remarks while visiting former Soviet republics. There was no hand-holding, but there were flowers . Perhaps the new diplomatic strategy is flirting?
Pope Benedict XVI put John Paul II on the fast track to beatification. Vatican officials are hoping to soon put up the sign: "Over 1 billion sainted"
Boring, but you should know about it
On Wednesday, Republican Sen. George Voinovich said of the controversial John Bolton, President Bush's nominee for U.N. ambassador: "This is not behavior that should be endorsed as the face of the United States to the world community at the United Nations. It is my opinion that John Bolton is the poster child of what someone in the diplomatic corps should not be." Voinovich, a member of the Senate's Foreign Relations Committee, then did the next logical thing: He gave the go-ahead vote to advance Bolton's nomination to the Senate, where he will most likely be approved along party lines.
On Friday, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld released his recommendations for military base closings and realignments. If you live in a military town, check your local listings. If you don't, you probably don't much care.
It wasn't all bad
Giacomo, a 50-1 long shot, won the Kentucky Derby last Saturday. Left eating Giacomo's dust but secure knowing they had much cooler names: Closing Argument, Don't Get Mad, Buzzards Bay, Andromeda's Hero and Going Wild.
On Wednesday, scientists announced the discovery a new family of mammals -- the rock rat. Because what the world really needs is more rodents.
On Thursday, Xbox, in conjunction with MTV, unveiled its next-gen console -- the Xbox 360. Geeks everywhere, already salivating in anticipation of the final "Star Wars" movie, spontaneously combust from the excitement.
Powerball officials had suspected fraud in the March 30 drawing, when 110 people correctly picked five of six numbers (usually only four or five people get that many numbers right), but finally got to the bottom of the mystery. The lucky numbers came from fortune cookies. This also helped explain the fortune a lottery official had gotten earlier: "You will be glad we didn't get all six numbers right."
What the ...?!?
The paintings of renowned artist Congo will be auctioned at a London auction house next month and are expected to sell for $1,130 to $1,500. Never heard of Congo? Maybe that's because he's a chimpanzee.
A California deputy issued a jaywalking ticket for a chicken that did what chickens do -- cross the road.
Proving that Lassie's legacy lives, an abandoned baby in Kenya was believed to have been saved by a stray dog last week and was discovered Monday.
Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney tied the knot Monday. Apparently, she thinks his tractor's sexy.
Pepsi has said it will stop making its low-calorie, 50-percent-less-sugar soda Pepsi Edge. Oh, Edge, we barely had ever heard of ye...
The finger that a woman claimed to have found in her Wendy's chili is believed to belong to a friend of the woman's husband. He apparently lost it in an industrial accident and then gave it to the woman's husband. Yeah, that's right. He gave him the finger.
And Tiger Woods missed the cut at a golf tournament Friday for the first time in seven years and 142 tournaments. Truly, the end of times must be near.
Friday, May 13, 2005
Oh, the hyperbole!
Aaron has already written about this on Gig Matrix, but I'm throwing in my two cents. If you watched MTV on Thursday night, you saw the unveiling of the next-gen Xbox console -- the Xbox 360.
The show was mostly hype, hyperbole and hotties. If I'm to understand what was said, the Xbox 360 will be totally wireless (no cords -- woohoo!), involve a lot more online features (including a lot of customization for sale) and solve the problem of world hunger. And the graphics are, of course, gorgeous.
But I'm with Aaron. I just don't know if I'm ready to give up my first-gen Xbox yet. Granted, the Xbox 360 isn't coming out until the end of the year, but how many games will come out with it? Probably not many. And the fact that they're rushing to be the first one in to the market of next-gen consoles worries me. (Anyone other early adapters still live in fear of the "Dirty Disc" error?) I figure I can hold off for a while, but sooner or later, they're gonna stop making games for the Xbox and then I'll have to make the switch.
But for now, I've got a backlog of great games to play.
The show was mostly hype, hyperbole and hotties. If I'm to understand what was said, the Xbox 360 will be totally wireless (no cords -- woohoo!), involve a lot more online features (including a lot of customization for sale) and solve the problem of world hunger. And the graphics are, of course, gorgeous.
But I'm with Aaron. I just don't know if I'm ready to give up my first-gen Xbox yet. Granted, the Xbox 360 isn't coming out until the end of the year, but how many games will come out with it? Probably not many. And the fact that they're rushing to be the first one in to the market of next-gen consoles worries me. (Anyone other early adapters still live in fear of the "Dirty Disc" error?) I figure I can hold off for a while, but sooner or later, they're gonna stop making games for the Xbox and then I'll have to make the switch.
But for now, I've got a backlog of great games to play.
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
Building a better birdcage bottom
We're looking at tinkering some things at my newspaper and, as these discussions always do, the goal of attracting younger readers (particularly the much lauded 18-34 demographic) is playing a large role.
I know there are some of you who read newspapers -- many because you're in the business -- and there are many that don't. So today I'm posing a few question, mostly just for the benefit of my curiosity:
1) If you don't read a paper, is there anything that newspapers could do that would get you to pick one up? (If there's not, tell me that, too.)
2) If you do read a paper, what do you like or dislike? What would you like to see more/less of? What do you find most useful?
3) Magazines are often ahead of the curve on a lot of things, and I think a fair amount of younger people do read magazines on a regular basis, even if they don't pick up a paper. What do you like about the magazines you read? Is it just that it's a niche that you have an interest in, or are there particular features that you like? (Give magazine names, please.)
So if you've got some time, please post your comments -- any and all ideas are welcome -- and tell your friends to post, too. The more the merrier, as they say.
And thanks for the input. :-)
I know there are some of you who read newspapers -- many because you're in the business -- and there are many that don't. So today I'm posing a few question, mostly just for the benefit of my curiosity:
1) If you don't read a paper, is there anything that newspapers could do that would get you to pick one up? (If there's not, tell me that, too.)
2) If you do read a paper, what do you like or dislike? What would you like to see more/less of? What do you find most useful?
3) Magazines are often ahead of the curve on a lot of things, and I think a fair amount of younger people do read magazines on a regular basis, even if they don't pick up a paper. What do you like about the magazines you read? Is it just that it's a niche that you have an interest in, or are there particular features that you like? (Give magazine names, please.)
So if you've got some time, please post your comments -- any and all ideas are welcome -- and tell your friends to post, too. The more the merrier, as they say.
And thanks for the input. :-)
Sunday, May 08, 2005
You say "to-may-to," I say "partisan politics"
Weirdest story of the day: Whether a tomato is a fruit or a vegetable has become quite a source of contention in New Jersey and -- surprise, surprise in this day and age -- the issue splits down political party lines.
It seems that Republicans and independents in New Jersey think the tomato is a fruit, and Democrats think it's a vegetable.
The confusion comes because, botanically, it's a fruit. But legally, it's a vegetable, as ruled by the Supreme Court a long time ago when, apparently, they didn't have a lot of other cases on the docket. (It had to do with tariffs.) No doubt this will lead to even more claims of activist judges.
At any rate, you can read the whole story here.
It seems that Republicans and independents in New Jersey think the tomato is a fruit, and Democrats think it's a vegetable.
The confusion comes because, botanically, it's a fruit. But legally, it's a vegetable, as ruled by the Supreme Court a long time ago when, apparently, they didn't have a lot of other cases on the docket. (It had to do with tariffs.) No doubt this will lead to even more claims of activist judges.
At any rate, you can read the whole story here.
Saturday, May 07, 2005
Here's to your health
So a little while ago, the Department of Agriculture finally released its updated food pyramid. For all the conservatives out there who have long claimed that homosexuals are trying to force their agenda into mainstream society, it seems that they've begun with the food pyramid.
It's no longer so much a pyramid as a multicolored triangle with a guy running up the side of it. An icon based on colors? Really?? Didn't we learn anything from the color-coded terrorism alert?
I guess not.
As totally unhelpful as the new gay-pride pyramid is, the Ag Department has also launched a Web site, www.mypyramid.gov, which actually IS rather useful. You can personalize it, to a degree, and it will tell you how much of each food group you should be eating based on your age, gender and activity level. Even better, though, is the My Pyramid Tracker section, for which you can register for free. It lets you input and track, pretty specifically, what food you eat in a day, what activities you do and how that all pans out with what you should be doing. It takes a bit of work, especially when you first set it up, but if you're interested in keeping track of what you eat and changing overall eating habits, I think it's well worth it.
Today, for instance, I was surprised to find I did alright with the veggies (yeah for ketchup, I guess) and good with the grain and fruit, but crappy with the milk and meat and beans. I can tell all of this through easy to read emoticons. It also breaks down how you did with cholesterol, sodium, saturated fat, etc.
So if you want a little push to eat better or just want to know what you're missing in your diet, check it out.
It's no longer so much a pyramid as a multicolored triangle with a guy running up the side of it. An icon based on colors? Really?? Didn't we learn anything from the color-coded terrorism alert?
I guess not.
As totally unhelpful as the new gay-pride pyramid is, the Ag Department has also launched a Web site, www.mypyramid.gov, which actually IS rather useful. You can personalize it, to a degree, and it will tell you how much of each food group you should be eating based on your age, gender and activity level. Even better, though, is the My Pyramid Tracker section, for which you can register for free. It lets you input and track, pretty specifically, what food you eat in a day, what activities you do and how that all pans out with what you should be doing. It takes a bit of work, especially when you first set it up, but if you're interested in keeping track of what you eat and changing overall eating habits, I think it's well worth it.
Today, for instance, I was surprised to find I did alright with the veggies (yeah for ketchup, I guess) and good with the grain and fruit, but crappy with the milk and meat and beans. I can tell all of this through easy to read emoticons. It also breaks down how you did with cholesterol, sodium, saturated fat, etc.
So if you want a little push to eat better or just want to know what you're missing in your diet, check it out.
Saturday, April 30, 2005
It's no finger in my chili, but ...
I was snacking on some double-stuffed E.L. Fudge cookies during dinner at work tonight, when all of the sudden, I looked down and realized that there was a hunk of plastic lodged in the chocolate stuffing.
Huh, I thought, glad I didn't bite from the other end first.
I wondered if I could sue the Keebler elves.
But then I started thinking about, what if I won? What if I got a huge settlement and it bankrupted the elves? They would be forced to close down the tree with the magical oven. I can see them now -- little elves with little knapsacks slung over their backs as they close down the tree for good and go their separate ways. Probably shedding elf-sized tears.
Too sad.
I couldn't do that to Ernie and the cookie crew. So I threw the cookie away.
It was just as well. I noticed when I got home that the plastic tray the cookies came in had a piece missing, so it must have broken at some point and gotten lodged in the cookie post-elf participation.
But if I ever find anything in my Cocoa Krispies, I am sooo taking down Snap, Crackle and Pop.
Huh, I thought, glad I didn't bite from the other end first.
I wondered if I could sue the Keebler elves.
But then I started thinking about, what if I won? What if I got a huge settlement and it bankrupted the elves? They would be forced to close down the tree with the magical oven. I can see them now -- little elves with little knapsacks slung over their backs as they close down the tree for good and go their separate ways. Probably shedding elf-sized tears.
Too sad.
I couldn't do that to Ernie and the cookie crew. So I threw the cookie away.
It was just as well. I noticed when I got home that the plastic tray the cookies came in had a piece missing, so it must have broken at some point and gotten lodged in the cookie post-elf participation.
But if I ever find anything in my Cocoa Krispies, I am sooo taking down Snap, Crackle and Pop.
Friday, April 22, 2005
Waxing nostalgic
I saw "Fever Pitch" earlier today (or yesterday by the time everyone reads this). It was pretty good. A few strange moments -- either surprising seriousness or out-of-place humor where the Farrelly brothers fall into old habits -- but otherwise very cute and funny. Jimmy Fallon and Drew Barrymore may just be the most adorable on-screen couple ever. And of course, it was about the greatest comeback in baseball playoff history (Red Sox vs. Yankees last year, for those of you who may not know what I'm talking about). And while I was immensely pleased that the Red Sox were able to break the curse of the Bambino, it got me thinking of other sports highlights that I've witnessed. (Incidentally, if you have too short of an attention span, there's an interactive portion of the blog at the end of the post.)
It was June 2001 -- the Stanley Cup finals. The Colorado Avalanche vs. the New Jersey Devils. It was already historic because it was the first time in more than a decade that the No. 1 seed from the East would face the No. 1 seed from the West in the finals. This was back in the glory days (at least as I remember them) of the Avalanche -- Joe Sakic; Peter Forsberg; the greatest goalie of all time, Patrick Roy; and so many other greats. It was destined to be an amazing matchup. But for us Avalanche fans it was about more than winning a second Stanley Cup. We were rooting for a man named Ray Bourque. In his 22-year NHL career, he had won numerous accolades, but one had always escaped him -- the Stanley Cup. So he had joined the Avs from the Boston Bruins because he thought it would give him a better shot at winning the Cup before he retired. Colorado was rooting for him, Boston was rooting for him. We wanted the Cup, but we wanted it for him.
And so the series began ... and it was epic. Game 1 went to Colorado in a rousing victory. Game 2 went to New Jersey. And back and forth it went. By the time we got to Game 6, it was nerve-wracking -- the Devils led the series 3-2. They only needed one more game to win and Game 6 was in New Jersey. But miraculously, the Avs pulled it out and the battle went to Game 7 ... at home in Colorado. It was just the third time in 30 seasons that the finals had gone to seven games.
During all this, I was at the University of North Carolina at internship training. But I and several of the other guys there would go out and watch the games or watch on the TV in the lounge of the dorm where we were all staying. As Game 7 went on, I was glued to the TV. I lived and died with every shot taken, every shot missed, every goal scored.
And in the end, Colorado won, 3-1. It was magical. I cheered in excitement. But then came "the moment" -- when the players handed the Stanley Cup to Ray Bourque and he lifted it above his head, his lifelong dream finally accomplished. It's the moment that still makes me a little teary-eyed to think about.
I have a friend who was actually at the game and he said he's never experienced anything like it. The place just exploded in celebration -- everyone cheering, grown men crying because they were so happy, strangers hugging one another.
And I guess that's what moves me the most about many of these sports victories. In a world where there are so many things to divide people, where more often than not people don't give each other the time of day, where strangers won't even make eye contact with each other, much less smile -- every once and awhile, you come across a moment when those differences don't matter, when no one is a stranger. Everyone is united in their love of a team and the common cause of celebrating its victory.
And for a moment -- just a moment -- you see how amazing human beings can be to one another.
And then the rioting usually starts.
And of course, because sports competitions are a zero-sum game, whenever there's a winner, there's a loser. And I can't help but feel for them, too, because I've also been there.
Nov. 8, 1997 -- my freshman year at the University of Missouri. I'm at the MU-Nebraska football game with my roommate. We've got seats close to one of the end zones and not far from the field. Although the rivalry with Nebraska is second only to the one with Kansas, no one really expects Missouri to win the game. Nebraska was undefeated for the season, hadn't lost a Big 12 game during the regular season in almost five years and had won the last 18 times they had played Missouri. The stats were not in MU's favor.
But lo and behold, the Tigers began beating the Cornhuskers. By the time the game was almost over, MU led 38-31 with just more than a minute left to play. The air was electric. People were crowding around, ready to rush the field and tear down the goal posts. We could taste victory -- and one of the greatest upsets ever. And we were there to see it firsthand.
And then it happened. Right in front of me.
Nebraska had flown down the field -- 67 yards in 62 seconds. Then, on third down with seven seconds left until sweet, sweet victory was ours ... one of the most freak "accidents" in college football history occurred. The Nebraska quarterback threw the ball into the end zone, but the receiver couldn't get to it. But as he fell, he kicked it and it landed in the arms of a diving Nebraska player.
Touchdown.
As you may know, it's illegal to purposefully kick a ball in a football game and doing so can result in a 15-yard penalty. But it was ruled accidental, a claim that remains somewhat dubious, particularly for Mizzou grads. But it was what it was. And after Nebraska scored the extra point, the game was tied and went into overtime.
But by then, we knew it was over. The momentum had shifted. The stadium, once raucous, was nearly silent. No one could believe what had happened. The football gods had taunted us, waving the possibility of an amazing upset before us, only to snatch it away at the last possible second as we reached out to see if it could possibly be real.
Nebraska won, 45-38.
You've never seen an entire stadium full of people file out and disperse into the streets as quietly as we did that day. It was heartbreaking.
And so, my dear friends, if you've read this entire lengthy trip down sports memory lane (or just skipped to the end), I conclude by asking you to share your top sports moments -- the wins and the losses. So go ahead, what's your most memorable game?
It was June 2001 -- the Stanley Cup finals. The Colorado Avalanche vs. the New Jersey Devils. It was already historic because it was the first time in more than a decade that the No. 1 seed from the East would face the No. 1 seed from the West in the finals. This was back in the glory days (at least as I remember them) of the Avalanche -- Joe Sakic; Peter Forsberg; the greatest goalie of all time, Patrick Roy; and so many other greats. It was destined to be an amazing matchup. But for us Avalanche fans it was about more than winning a second Stanley Cup. We were rooting for a man named Ray Bourque. In his 22-year NHL career, he had won numerous accolades, but one had always escaped him -- the Stanley Cup. So he had joined the Avs from the Boston Bruins because he thought it would give him a better shot at winning the Cup before he retired. Colorado was rooting for him, Boston was rooting for him. We wanted the Cup, but we wanted it for him.
And so the series began ... and it was epic. Game 1 went to Colorado in a rousing victory. Game 2 went to New Jersey. And back and forth it went. By the time we got to Game 6, it was nerve-wracking -- the Devils led the series 3-2. They only needed one more game to win and Game 6 was in New Jersey. But miraculously, the Avs pulled it out and the battle went to Game 7 ... at home in Colorado. It was just the third time in 30 seasons that the finals had gone to seven games.
During all this, I was at the University of North Carolina at internship training. But I and several of the other guys there would go out and watch the games or watch on the TV in the lounge of the dorm where we were all staying. As Game 7 went on, I was glued to the TV. I lived and died with every shot taken, every shot missed, every goal scored.
And in the end, Colorado won, 3-1. It was magical. I cheered in excitement. But then came "the moment" -- when the players handed the Stanley Cup to Ray Bourque and he lifted it above his head, his lifelong dream finally accomplished. It's the moment that still makes me a little teary-eyed to think about.
I have a friend who was actually at the game and he said he's never experienced anything like it. The place just exploded in celebration -- everyone cheering, grown men crying because they were so happy, strangers hugging one another.
And I guess that's what moves me the most about many of these sports victories. In a world where there are so many things to divide people, where more often than not people don't give each other the time of day, where strangers won't even make eye contact with each other, much less smile -- every once and awhile, you come across a moment when those differences don't matter, when no one is a stranger. Everyone is united in their love of a team and the common cause of celebrating its victory.
And for a moment -- just a moment -- you see how amazing human beings can be to one another.
And then the rioting usually starts.
And of course, because sports competitions are a zero-sum game, whenever there's a winner, there's a loser. And I can't help but feel for them, too, because I've also been there.
Nov. 8, 1997 -- my freshman year at the University of Missouri. I'm at the MU-Nebraska football game with my roommate. We've got seats close to one of the end zones and not far from the field. Although the rivalry with Nebraska is second only to the one with Kansas, no one really expects Missouri to win the game. Nebraska was undefeated for the season, hadn't lost a Big 12 game during the regular season in almost five years and had won the last 18 times they had played Missouri. The stats were not in MU's favor.
But lo and behold, the Tigers began beating the Cornhuskers. By the time the game was almost over, MU led 38-31 with just more than a minute left to play. The air was electric. People were crowding around, ready to rush the field and tear down the goal posts. We could taste victory -- and one of the greatest upsets ever. And we were there to see it firsthand.
And then it happened. Right in front of me.
Nebraska had flown down the field -- 67 yards in 62 seconds. Then, on third down with seven seconds left until sweet, sweet victory was ours ... one of the most freak "accidents" in college football history occurred. The Nebraska quarterback threw the ball into the end zone, but the receiver couldn't get to it. But as he fell, he kicked it and it landed in the arms of a diving Nebraska player.
Touchdown.
As you may know, it's illegal to purposefully kick a ball in a football game and doing so can result in a 15-yard penalty. But it was ruled accidental, a claim that remains somewhat dubious, particularly for Mizzou grads. But it was what it was. And after Nebraska scored the extra point, the game was tied and went into overtime.
But by then, we knew it was over. The momentum had shifted. The stadium, once raucous, was nearly silent. No one could believe what had happened. The football gods had taunted us, waving the possibility of an amazing upset before us, only to snatch it away at the last possible second as we reached out to see if it could possibly be real.
Nebraska won, 45-38.
You've never seen an entire stadium full of people file out and disperse into the streets as quietly as we did that day. It was heartbreaking.
And so, my dear friends, if you've read this entire lengthy trip down sports memory lane (or just skipped to the end), I conclude by asking you to share your top sports moments -- the wins and the losses. So go ahead, what's your most memorable game?
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Going phishing
Sorry I've been bad about posting on the blog lately. I'm in the middle of getting myself organized (sort of a spring cleaning, I guess). I'm finally unpacked and have pictures hung and that sort of thing and now I'm working on cleaning up and organizing files, papers, e-mail boxes, etc. So bear with me for a bit, but I promise to get back into the groove soon.
In the meantime, follow this link to an interesting Washington Post piece on phishing scams. Phishing, if you don't know, is when someone sends you a fake e-mail to get you to reveal personal information that they can then take advantage of (credit card numbers, bank accounts, social security number, etc.). Identity theft is becoming a lot more common, so I'm sure you've gotten some. But take the quiz and see if you can tell the real e-mails from the fake ones. The answers will also give you a better idea of what to look for when you get an e-mail like that.
Best rule of thumb: Always be skeptical.
In the meantime, follow this link to an interesting Washington Post piece on phishing scams. Phishing, if you don't know, is when someone sends you a fake e-mail to get you to reveal personal information that they can then take advantage of (credit card numbers, bank accounts, social security number, etc.). Identity theft is becoming a lot more common, so I'm sure you've gotten some. But take the quiz and see if you can tell the real e-mails from the fake ones. The answers will also give you a better idea of what to look for when you get an e-mail like that.
Best rule of thumb: Always be skeptical.
Thursday, April 14, 2005
I feel like a VIP
For some reason, all the employees at my work (and I think a local radio station) were offered a free, advanced screening of the movie "Kung Fu Hustle" tonight and an advanced screening of "Unleashed" (the movie with Jet Li by the guy who wrote and produced "The Professional") in a few weeks.
Fortuitously, I had the night off this week, so I went. It was a fun movie. Very "Matrix" meets "Kung Fu" meets "Spaceballs."
Yeah, it's a weird combo; I know.
At any rate, you can read my full review on Gig Matrix.
Fortuitously, I had the night off this week, so I went. It was a fun movie. Very "Matrix" meets "Kung Fu" meets "Spaceballs."
Yeah, it's a weird combo; I know.
At any rate, you can read my full review on Gig Matrix.
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Finances, feuds and fatties
If you're like me and don't know a lot about investing or financial things in general but want to learn, a new TV show called "MoneyTrack" is supposed to be an informative look at finances for average Joe's. Read more here, but it's on public television (the Web site hasn't been updated to say where it will show yet, though) and includes segments on "Becoming an Educated Investor," "Couples and Money," "Financial Survival Kit" and "Technology."
As proof that life imitates art, two families in Florida escalated their feud into a shootout after the son from one family and the daughter from the other began dating. Read the whole Shakespearean tale here.
But the most disturbing news of all as of late: Cookie Monster is cutting back on the cookies. (Thanks to Tosser for the heads-up.) Read the article, but basically it comes down to wanting to portray a healthier image. I can understand, and applaud, Sesame Street's efforts to encourage children to eat healthier, but it just feels wrong. It would be like if Ernie gave up rubber duckies. Also, the Cookie Monster's name was Sid?!?! What the ... ?!
I have to admit, the more darkly humorous side of me thinks it would be more effective to have Cookie Monster continue to binge on cookies and become morbidly obese. He could show children what it's like to not be able to lift himself off the couch, to have to catch his breath all the time, how he can't play with the other puppets.
And then, eventually, he would have a coronary and die.
Traumatic for the kids? Sure.
But I bet they lay off the cookies after that.
As proof that life imitates art, two families in Florida escalated their feud into a shootout after the son from one family and the daughter from the other began dating. Read the whole Shakespearean tale here.
But the most disturbing news of all as of late: Cookie Monster is cutting back on the cookies. (Thanks to Tosser for the heads-up.) Read the article, but basically it comes down to wanting to portray a healthier image. I can understand, and applaud, Sesame Street's efforts to encourage children to eat healthier, but it just feels wrong. It would be like if Ernie gave up rubber duckies. Also, the Cookie Monster's name was Sid?!?! What the ... ?!
I have to admit, the more darkly humorous side of me thinks it would be more effective to have Cookie Monster continue to binge on cookies and become morbidly obese. He could show children what it's like to not be able to lift himself off the couch, to have to catch his breath all the time, how he can't play with the other puppets.
And then, eventually, he would have a coronary and die.
Traumatic for the kids? Sure.
But I bet they lay off the cookies after that.
Monday, April 11, 2005
Very random thoughts
Sorry that it's been a week since I've posted anything, but here are some very unconnected thoughts:
1) I've discovered that the Italian word for someone with papal potential is "papabili."
What a cool word. I totally plan on using it more often now.
2) Speaking for things I'm adding to my lexicon, I've been trying to add two Southern expressions I've learned since moving here: "Law bless" and so-and-so "would've liked to have died." The former means "oh my goodness" and the latter means someone couldn't believe it.
At least I think. It's all a little confusing.
3) If you want to see something that will totally blow your mind, check out this Honda commercial. It's been around for a while, but I'm just now getting around to mentioning it. It took 606 tries to get it right. And it's awesome.
4) I was in D.C. for half a day last week (I apologize to the many of you in the area I didn't tell or see, but I promise that I will be up there often and will see you soon.) and saw this just outside the Jefferson Memorial:
I thought it was an interesting juxtaposition with this, just in front of the steps leading up to the memorial ...
Yes, those are large, puppet dogs playing rock 'n' roll.
But I'm sure when they were singing "Who Let the Dogs Out," the dawgs they were referring to were the Founding Fathers.
1) I've discovered that the Italian word for someone with papal potential is "papabili."
What a cool word. I totally plan on using it more often now.
2) Speaking for things I'm adding to my lexicon, I've been trying to add two Southern expressions I've learned since moving here: "Law bless" and so-and-so "would've liked to have died." The former means "oh my goodness" and the latter means someone couldn't believe it.
At least I think. It's all a little confusing.
3) If you want to see something that will totally blow your mind, check out this Honda commercial. It's been around for a while, but I'm just now getting around to mentioning it. It took 606 tries to get it right. And it's awesome.
4) I was in D.C. for half a day last week (I apologize to the many of you in the area I didn't tell or see, but I promise that I will be up there often and will see you soon.) and saw this just outside the Jefferson Memorial:
I thought it was an interesting juxtaposition with this, just in front of the steps leading up to the memorial ...
Yes, those are large, puppet dogs playing rock 'n' roll.
But I'm sure when they were singing "Who Let the Dogs Out," the dawgs they were referring to were the Founding Fathers.
Saturday, April 02, 2005
Spring forward to a flashback
Lest you forget, turn your clocks ahead one hour at 2 a.m. Sunday morning....
As far as the flashback rodent story, during college I lived in a duplex. One semester, a friend of mine decided to sublet from one of my roommates because he was in France. She brought with her a pet hamster that she would let run around in her room at night. It wasn't a problem because the door was closed and he would always go back to his cage in the morning.
That is, until one morning when she woke up and he wasn't there. We searched and found no sign of him. She left out food, and we hoped that he would eventually find his way back. It should be noted that she lived in one of the upstairs bedrooms, while I lived in the downstairs one. A few nights later, I heard an eerie scratching in my room. I finally realized where it was coming from: inside my closet wall.
The next morning:
Me: "Anne Marie, I think I found your hamster."
AM: "GREAT! Where is he?"
Me: "In the wall of my closet."
AM: (spit take) "WHAAAA??!?!?!"
We finally deduced that the hamster had crawled into Anne Marie's walk-in closet, which connects to the crawl space and he had been stupid enough to fall/crawl into one of the holes in the floor and had fallen down an entire story (which, for a hamster, must be like falling off a 20-story building) and managed to land, alive, in the area of the wall in my closet.
Anne Marie, Reuben and I dropped some food down the hole and tried to think of ways to get him out. We made a little makeshift ladder, but it wasn't long enough. We tried leaving string down, hoping maybe he had turned into a commando hamster of some kind who could shinny his way up it. We would have built a little hamster escalator if we knew how.
But we were stuck.
Finally, with heavy hearts, we decided there was nothing we could do. He was on his own and would probably die down there.
A couple of nights after that, we were having dinner with a couple of friends and relayed the story of the trapped hamster and what we had decided. One of our friends, in his thick Southern drawl, exclaimed loudly:
"LORD ALMIGHTY!! THAT THING'S GONNA REEK WHEN IT DIES!!!!
YOU GOTTA GET IT OUTTA THERE!!"
Anne Marie and I looked at each other.
The smell. We hadn't even thought to consider how bad a smell it might make; it was just a little hamster after all.
But he was right.
We had to get it out.
I immediately left the table and grabbed a hammer and a screwdriver. I knocked on the wall several times trying to figure out where the hamster was so as not to impale the very creature I was trying to save. Like POWs, I rapped, he scratched and we managed to communicate. I used the hammer and screwdriver to create a small, rectangular opening low in the closet wall. After I had done this, we grabbed some thick gloves so the little rodent wouldn't bite anyone. You would think the hamster would be happy to see his saviors and the light of day, but no. It took a lot of coaxing and some food to finally get him where we could grab him and bring him to safety.
Not since Baby Jessica was removed from the well had there been so much rejoicing.
The next day, I bought a flat wall panel and glued it to the wall over the hole. It blended in perfectly. I doubt anyone has ever thought twice about it.
I'm happy to say that the hamster spent the rest of its days with a bit of celebrity, being the wonder hamster who had miraculously cheated death.
Well, until Christmas break when he died of natural causes.
He was buried in a shallow grave behind the duplex and now probably haunts the residents of 1811 Juniper Circle who keep wondering why, late at night, they hear scratching in the walls.
As far as the flashback rodent story, during college I lived in a duplex. One semester, a friend of mine decided to sublet from one of my roommates because he was in France. She brought with her a pet hamster that she would let run around in her room at night. It wasn't a problem because the door was closed and he would always go back to his cage in the morning.
That is, until one morning when she woke up and he wasn't there. We searched and found no sign of him. She left out food, and we hoped that he would eventually find his way back. It should be noted that she lived in one of the upstairs bedrooms, while I lived in the downstairs one. A few nights later, I heard an eerie scratching in my room. I finally realized where it was coming from: inside my closet wall.
The next morning:
Me: "Anne Marie, I think I found your hamster."
AM: "GREAT! Where is he?"
Me: "In the wall of my closet."
AM: (spit take) "WHAAAA??!?!?!"
We finally deduced that the hamster had crawled into Anne Marie's walk-in closet, which connects to the crawl space and he had been stupid enough to fall/crawl into one of the holes in the floor and had fallen down an entire story (which, for a hamster, must be like falling off a 20-story building) and managed to land, alive, in the area of the wall in my closet.
Anne Marie, Reuben and I dropped some food down the hole and tried to think of ways to get him out. We made a little makeshift ladder, but it wasn't long enough. We tried leaving string down, hoping maybe he had turned into a commando hamster of some kind who could shinny his way up it. We would have built a little hamster escalator if we knew how.
But we were stuck.
Finally, with heavy hearts, we decided there was nothing we could do. He was on his own and would probably die down there.
A couple of nights after that, we were having dinner with a couple of friends and relayed the story of the trapped hamster and what we had decided. One of our friends, in his thick Southern drawl, exclaimed loudly:
"LORD ALMIGHTY!! THAT THING'S GONNA REEK WHEN IT DIES!!!!
YOU GOTTA GET IT OUTTA THERE!!"
Anne Marie and I looked at each other.
The smell. We hadn't even thought to consider how bad a smell it might make; it was just a little hamster after all.
But he was right.
We had to get it out.
I immediately left the table and grabbed a hammer and a screwdriver. I knocked on the wall several times trying to figure out where the hamster was so as not to impale the very creature I was trying to save. Like POWs, I rapped, he scratched and we managed to communicate. I used the hammer and screwdriver to create a small, rectangular opening low in the closet wall. After I had done this, we grabbed some thick gloves so the little rodent wouldn't bite anyone. You would think the hamster would be happy to see his saviors and the light of day, but no. It took a lot of coaxing and some food to finally get him where we could grab him and bring him to safety.
Not since Baby Jessica was removed from the well had there been so much rejoicing.
The next day, I bought a flat wall panel and glued it to the wall over the hole. It blended in perfectly. I doubt anyone has ever thought twice about it.
I'm happy to say that the hamster spent the rest of its days with a bit of celebrity, being the wonder hamster who had miraculously cheated death.
Well, until Christmas break when he died of natural causes.
He was buried in a shallow grave behind the duplex and now probably haunts the residents of 1811 Juniper Circle who keep wondering why, late at night, they hear scratching in the walls.
Friday, April 01, 2005
Life's other certainty
Geez, I make a reference yesterday to discussing death and then today Terri Schiavo dies and the pope comes awfully close.
I considered discussing what has become the Schiavo debacle, but with so many other pundits and people who have never seen/met her weighing in on the situation and giving medical diagnoses, I'll think I'll stay out of the fray. Besides, what expertise could I possibly have to offer that "psychic" John Edward hasn't already?
So on to my story:
A few days ago, I finally put two and two together and realized that the odor problem in my hallway closet was connected to an earlier problem I had involving a roommate.
Unfortunately, my roommate was of the small, furry, rodent type. (See?!? Now my apartment seems like a crap-hole again and nobody's ever going to want to come and visit me...)
About a week and a half after I moved in, I noticed that a hole had been chewed through the plastic bag of the bread I had left on the kitchen counter and part of the bread had been eaten. I was pretty sure I hadn't done that in my sleep, so I told the landlords that I had a rodent problem.
The next day, they sent a maintenance guy with a few sticky traps that he put down in strategic positions. He also stuffed a couple of holes with steel wool, which he said the rodents won't chew through.
I checked the traps daily but nothing happened for a couple of days. Then late one night, I heard the scurrying of tiny feet in the vents.
Not a good sign.
The next morning, I woke up and realized that my little friend was not impressed with my efforts to catch it. One of the sticky traps that lay between the stove and refrigerator had been scooted to the side to allow passage. Another trap behind the stove had an upside-down cockroach trap on top of it. I don't even know where the cockroach trap came from! So not only did this rodent know that the sticky traps should be avoided, it dragged some cockroach trap it found who-knows-where and dropped it on the sticky part so that it didn't have to worry about it.
It was at this point that I began to wonder if I was dealing with an escaped lab rat that had been genetically altered to become supersmart.
Or worse, I thought, what if it's a squirrel? I actually worried about this latter possibility because:
a) I really rather like squirrels.
b) If you've ever tried to prevent them from doing something, you know squirrels are unbelievably clever.
I finally decided it probably wasn't a squirrel because, if it had been, I would have already returned from work late one night to find my cupboards cleaned out; my Xbox, TV and other valuables gone; and a spray-painted note scrawled on the wall saying: "DEEZ NUTS!!!!"
Ahem.
Anyhow, I rearranged some of the steel wool to better block one of the holes and waited. I haven't heard or seen Brain (nor his cohort Pinky) since, and I've even begun keeping bread out on the counter again without any problem. So I had sort of forgotten about it. But when the closet started stinking and then the same odor would show up in the bathroom sometimes (please keep your bathroom humor to yourself), I began to realize that the smell was coming from inside the wall that the closet and bathroom share.
That's when I had my revelation, which, after talking with a few others about it, I think is probably correct:
There's a dead rodent in there.
Now, having some experience with extracting rodents from a wall (see flashback post tomorrow), I considered just going in there myself and taking the danged thing out. But I hesitate to do that because I don't really know where in the wall it might be. I talked with the landlords, but they're not quite sure what to do either. I figure the smell will eventually go away and in the meantime, I bought air freshener for the closet and under the bathroom sink where it's connected to that wall.
On the bright side, it's totally not noticeable with the closet door closed (unless of course, you go into the closet) and occasionally in the bathroom. Plus, I think the worst of it might have passed. But then again, I don't really know what the staying power of rotting rodent is.
So there you go. Mystery solved.
I considered discussing what has become the Schiavo debacle, but with so many other pundits and people who have never seen/met her weighing in on the situation and giving medical diagnoses, I'll think I'll stay out of the fray. Besides, what expertise could I possibly have to offer that "psychic" John Edward hasn't already?
So on to my story:
A few days ago, I finally put two and two together and realized that the odor problem in my hallway closet was connected to an earlier problem I had involving a roommate.
Unfortunately, my roommate was of the small, furry, rodent type. (See?!? Now my apartment seems like a crap-hole again and nobody's ever going to want to come and visit me...)
About a week and a half after I moved in, I noticed that a hole had been chewed through the plastic bag of the bread I had left on the kitchen counter and part of the bread had been eaten. I was pretty sure I hadn't done that in my sleep, so I told the landlords that I had a rodent problem.
The next day, they sent a maintenance guy with a few sticky traps that he put down in strategic positions. He also stuffed a couple of holes with steel wool, which he said the rodents won't chew through.
I checked the traps daily but nothing happened for a couple of days. Then late one night, I heard the scurrying of tiny feet in the vents.
Not a good sign.
The next morning, I woke up and realized that my little friend was not impressed with my efforts to catch it. One of the sticky traps that lay between the stove and refrigerator had been scooted to the side to allow passage. Another trap behind the stove had an upside-down cockroach trap on top of it. I don't even know where the cockroach trap came from! So not only did this rodent know that the sticky traps should be avoided, it dragged some cockroach trap it found who-knows-where and dropped it on the sticky part so that it didn't have to worry about it.
It was at this point that I began to wonder if I was dealing with an escaped lab rat that had been genetically altered to become supersmart.
Or worse, I thought, what if it's a squirrel? I actually worried about this latter possibility because:
a) I really rather like squirrels.
b) If you've ever tried to prevent them from doing something, you know squirrels are unbelievably clever.
I finally decided it probably wasn't a squirrel because, if it had been, I would have already returned from work late one night to find my cupboards cleaned out; my Xbox, TV and other valuables gone; and a spray-painted note scrawled on the wall saying: "DEEZ NUTS!!!!"
Ahem.
Anyhow, I rearranged some of the steel wool to better block one of the holes and waited. I haven't heard or seen Brain (nor his cohort Pinky) since, and I've even begun keeping bread out on the counter again without any problem. So I had sort of forgotten about it. But when the closet started stinking and then the same odor would show up in the bathroom sometimes (please keep your bathroom humor to yourself), I began to realize that the smell was coming from inside the wall that the closet and bathroom share.
That's when I had my revelation, which, after talking with a few others about it, I think is probably correct:
There's a dead rodent in there.
Now, having some experience with extracting rodents from a wall (see flashback post tomorrow), I considered just going in there myself and taking the danged thing out. But I hesitate to do that because I don't really know where in the wall it might be. I talked with the landlords, but they're not quite sure what to do either. I figure the smell will eventually go away and in the meantime, I bought air freshener for the closet and under the bathroom sink where it's connected to that wall.
On the bright side, it's totally not noticeable with the closet door closed (unless of course, you go into the closet) and occasionally in the bathroom. Plus, I think the worst of it might have passed. But then again, I don't really know what the staying power of rotting rodent is.
So there you go. Mystery solved.
Thursday, March 31, 2005
One of life's certainties
I just finished doing my taxes for 2004. If you haven't done so already, I strongly suggest e-filing. You can do federal taxes and some state taxes for free, and it's way easier than normal filing. Depending on where you live and if you meet the criteria, there's a free online version of Turbo Tax that's very painless and pretty plain-spoken.
Tomorrow: Life's other certainty and how it relates to the smell in my closet.
Tomorrow: Life's other certainty and how it relates to the smell in my closet.
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